A few years ago I became friendly with a guy that I met at work. We sat near each other and had some similar intrests. When I quit that job a year and a half ago, we stayed in touch over the phone and via email. We get together from time to time to catch a movie or dinner. The problem is that he revealed one night that he wanted to have a dating relationship instead of a friendship. I made it very clear to him that I was not interested in anything at all other than friendship with him. He said he understood, and that seemed to be the end of it until about 3 weeks ago. We made arrangements to meet at the movies, and he paid for my ticket and the check at dinner without consulting me. Today I came to work to find he'd dropped off a gift for me, saying it was for my birthday, which is 6 months away. When ever I mention this behavior he plays it off as being "old-fashioned" but I suspect he's trying to buy me into a relationship. What do I do about this?
2007-09-25 15:19:51 · 17 answers · asked by ljh 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
With some of the answers I think I should add that I've been seeing someone else off and on during this entire friendship, and the friend in questions knows this. And the reason I don't want to date him is that I have absolutely ZERO attraction to him in a physical way.
2007-09-25 15:55:31 · update #1
I always make it clear for the get go that when I go out with my male friend, I intend to pay my own way. When the waitress comes, I inform her seperate checks. We negotiate who is doing the driving and I never give any indication that I am interested in romance. We are best of friends and he knows exactly what my feelings are for him.
I would suggest you not go out with your friend because he is starting to become romantically interested. Maybe you could possibly be sending the wrong message and he is hoping like crazy you will become more interested in romance.
You sound like a very kind person. In the meantime, I would avoid dinner dates and movies with him.
2007-09-25 15:27:09 · answer #1 · answered by happydawg 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are uncomfortable with the situation now. You should talk to him again and make sure he got the message clear that you like him as a friend and friend only and it will not go beyond the friendship. Buying you a b-gift well ahead of time is not a good sign. You have to follow your inner instinct because that is a warning sign. I can see your instinct is already talking to you so best you get this out and straight on the line before its too late. You seem like a very nice and considerate person, so don't lead him to think otherwise because breaking his heart will surely be breaking yours too. May God lead you to do and say the right things.
2007-09-26 01:52:21 · answer #2 · answered by Debs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
birthday? 6 months away? Sounds like some neurons are misfiring. that is DEFINITELY A warning sign that things aren't right in his mind and how he perceives his priorities.
As evil as it sounds, start flirting with other guys in front of him, especially guys who look like they can kick his as s. Also, make sure you have took separate cars before you do this. Talk about how a relationship with him would be terrible and explain why.
Talk to him about chicks who he might be interested in, or who he should date. If he ever bends over in front of you to pick something up, say "ew" under your breath.
Hell, get a boyfriend who works out or is really fit or dangerous or something. Learn some self-defense
Get to know your neighbors and introduce him to them. They'll let you know if he ever comes by your house/apartment and you don't know.
I don't want to scare you but you may end up with a stalker on your hands. Be careful.
2007-09-25 22:36:40 · answer #3 · answered by cowboydanimal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just think that the gift was a belated gift, LOL.
Let him to be an old fashioned guy, let him to do the "girl and boy thing".
You have told him that you want to be friends, you have covered your end of it. Just enjoy of his company since you wanted to have a friendship with him.
2007-09-25 22:32:59 · answer #4 · answered by Nina, BaC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He obviously still wants more than friendship. Is there something wrong with him, that you won't even consider him? If you're not interested in anyone else, why not try dating him. If you don't want to date him, I'm afraid the friendship is over.
2007-09-25 22:24:01 · answer #5 · answered by piratefancarrie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you very gently but firmly tell this guys whats up and that if he cannot handle been just friends then it is best to be nothing at all. Cut contact with him if you need to, you don't want this turning ugly and him becoming a stalker!
2007-09-25 22:24:44 · answer #6 · answered by fleur m 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a great guy!! There is nothing old-fashioned about showing his affection with monetary things...how else should he? Write you poems or songs? Then you'd think he was a total wacko. I'd enjoy it!!
2007-09-25 22:25:43 · answer #7 · answered by Kicking 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make it clear one more time. If he keeps doing this, just let him but don't give in. He'll get the message that you just aren't going to disregard it and he will soon stop and realize you actually only want to be friends...
2007-09-25 22:24:01 · answer #8 · answered by A wonder 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well , first off : DONT DO ANYTHING MEAN !
clearly , the dude has sorta fallen for yu .. so dont do anything to break his heart . it hurts like HELL .
dont .
but yu could maybe just .. act it out in a friend way . have fun with him thats not flirting , and maybe he'll FINALLY get the hint that yu DONT want that from him . BUT dont fall for him , cause when YU like HIM its gonna hurt more to him cause its like : yu're catching on NOW ? and maybe he doesnt like yu anymore , so just .. act nicely and be friendly .
but not in a flirty way .
kay ?
- M . â¥
2007-09-25 22:50:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean...some men just don't listen! make sure if you accept a gift that he knows that your still not interested! and make sure he knows it's NOT a date when you meet him at the movies or where ever...
2007-09-25 22:24:00 · answer #10 · answered by your friend 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋