What I mean is, hypothetically, what if a married woman's best friend was a male and she went out with him for lunch, dinner, etc. without her husband, or vise versa. What do you think of this?
2007-09-25 14:28:57 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Chula: I'm not in this situation, I'm just wondering what other people's opinions are. Personally, I don't think it is appropriate. I would not like it if my husband went out with a female friend so in turn, so I would suspect that he would feel the same way if I went out with a male friend.
2007-09-25 14:36:15 · update #1
I trust my wife completely. but Im jealous. What Husband would want to see there wife spend time with another man other than you. You are supposed to be your spouses best friend, not someone else, especially someone of the opposite sex. It has nothing to do with trust. It would just hurt to see my wife having another man as a bestfriend and spending time with him. I know that others feel the same way.
2007-09-25 20:19:54 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. Marriages are based on trust, but that doesn't mean that either spouse should sow the seeds of temptation for anything more than that. As far as a best friend goes, hopefully by the time you are married, your spouse is your best friend.
Old friends from before the marriage are certainly going to be a mixed bag and I suppose that you don't just drop those friends. That would totally suck! Rather, I would hope that during the engagement, that everyone gets to know everyone else, and the old friends of the single person becomes new friends with the spouse, so everyone trusts everyone else.
As far a spouse relying on their single opposite sex friend for advice or the "woman's point of view" or the "man's point of view" or coming to that person as a confidante about the marriage, NO WAY should this be allowed to happen, for several reasons. The friendship, even if it was a very close trusting friendship, needs to shift in priorities and the spouse gets that slot, even when (ESP when!) there is a spat between the spouses. For one, it doesn't matter what BFF thinks of your situation as the "woman's or man's perspective" on a marital situation and their is no sense trying to get your buddy to take sides with you. If you are in conflict with your husband, it doesn't matter what any other man thinks about it. It matters that your husband isn't happy (and same with wives if the hub is in the doghouse for something and his old best female friend doesn't see the problem.) Keep in mind that friendships all have a certain amount of intimacy, even if that doesn't mean there is an affair going on. While intimacy is important in every relationship (intimacy defined here by presence of honesty, vulnerability, and sense of permission to be yourself) if it supercedes the level of intimacy in the marriage...then it stands to overpower the marriage in a weak moment.
2007-09-25 14:43:19 · answer #2 · answered by musicimprovedme 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on the friendship. I have a close male friend. I actually dated his brother in H.S. and after I broke up with his brother we just stayed friends. My husband doesn't care because for starters he gets along with him great too, my friend is also married, we have kids the same age, and we don't really hang out one on one. He might call to say what's up.....but I don't see us going out to dinner just the two of us. I have to say though that if my husband had a problem with our friendship that I would probably break contact. A friendship that means more than the marriage is definitely a problem.
2007-09-25 14:54:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I AM the best friend of a married man...we've been best friends since highschool. We dated a couple of times but there has never been any sort of relationship. He has been married for over 30 years I am the Godmother to his eldest daughter as well as the Godmother to his eldest grand daughter. There is NOTHING wrong with a married person having a single friend...if you ae so insecure that you don't want your husband to have any friends or that you want to be able to choose his friends for him then maybe you need to rethink the reasons you got married in the first place...was it to control and inhibit your husband or was it to love/honor/cherish him as he is?
2007-09-25 14:58:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on how strong your marriage is and how long you have been friends with this other person. From personal experience ....it never works out with either one or the the other. i had a male BF and after 20 years he decided to tell me he loved me. WOW! Yeah, I loved him, but as a brother. And when I was first married, it was hard for my husband to accept. I think opposite sex BF's could be great....but, do they really exist? Be careful. don't get shocked after 20 years. Or is it the other way around. Do you have deep seeded feelings for this other person? Be honest with yourself!!
2007-09-25 14:34:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't have a problem with it. I have both male and female friends, as does my partner, and it is fine for us to have lunch or go to a movie or whatever with someone else. The important thing is that we all know each other, so one of us isn't going out with someone the other doesn't know. My best friend is a guy and I often go around to his place for drinks or coffee, and my partner doesn't mind a bit. We trust each other.
2007-09-25 15:28:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about "best friend" but yes, I think married couples can have single friends of the opposite sex.
It's all about trust, communication, and boundaries.
My husband trusts me, we have great communication in our marriage, and the guys I'm friends with know where the boundaries of our relationships are. And if the friends try to cross them, they know that I will kill the friendship - because the relationship wth my husband will win out every single time.
2007-09-25 14:41:24 · answer #7 · answered by Nandina (Bunny Slipper Goddess) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I married by best friend, and when all of my male friends and his female friends knew that we were getting married, they didn't expect either one of us to having lunch or dinner with them. When we were both single that was okay, but now that we are married, most of our friends that we have dinner with are married too. We still see our single friends, but as far as hanging out with them, we are married so we really don't have anything else in common with the single friends, they feel awkward around us because wer are married.
2007-09-25 15:05:03 · answer #8 · answered by pookster4262 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's okay. TRUST is the issue. If the wife won't introduce their friend to her husband or vice versa then there is something to worry about. Telling your spouse they can't go and have lunch with a male or female friend is stupid.
2007-09-25 14:37:56 · answer #9 · answered by *bAdHaBiT* 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you trust your significant other than no problem. If you don't trust them then you shouldn't be married. So yes, I think it is ok. Why should you care? Oh wait, because society today has completely changed to a cheaters society and no one care about their spouse b/c they think the grass is greener on the other side. People need to learn that is ok that you can hang out with people of the opposite sex.
2007-09-25 14:35:36 · answer #10 · answered by baseballguy 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋