Should I leave him?

Question

He becomes verbally abusive and talks down to me and when I ask him to seek counseling he refuses. He blames me for everything.
Can this marriage be saved?

Answer 1

Yes it can be saved if you are willing to do everything he wants you to do. No back talking no thinking for yourself if you can do that then you can have a marriage every guy dreams of.

Answer 2

I think you already know the answer. If he's not willing to go to counseling and blames you for everything, physical abuse isn't far away. Get out while you still can. I don't want to hear how much you love him- you can't love someone that is an abuser and they never will change. Move on and get a guy who respects you. Sorry...but I think you know it's the best thing for you and if you have any children.

Answer 3

Once it reaches that point there aint nothing left to save. Do even want to have sex w/him anymore? This thing was over a long time ago. The verbal abuse only gets worse then it gets physical. Put it out with as much dignity as possible and to at least be friends or civil

Answer 4

GET OUT NOW! I am going to pass on my personal experience on this subject which is ongoing right now!
I agree with the people that say you already have the answer in your heart, he will never change and all your life you will never be good enough or do anything right. He is what is called a mysoginist(sp) or in laymans terms a controller. My girlfriend is married to one of these, for 25 yrs, she is stupid, fat, ugly, her nose is not right she needs lipo scuction, she never cleans the house right(he actually used to come home from work and run his finger across furniture, if any dust she would be mentally tortured for hours about how to clean house and why she was such a terrible housekeeper, mother wife etc.

People say well she should leave him! it is not that simple, I found a book in a thrift store called (I THINK) "Women who love men and the Men that hate them". I t was written by a doctor who counciled women in abusive or controlling relationships. after a while it sank in on her that she was in that type marriage.
step one of controller, isolation she can have no outside friends or interests, she is cut off from family slowly but surely, she has to account for every single dime so no hidden escape fund, nothing ever will be good enough, the harder she tries the less it is acceptable, if there is something he doesn't like the hour and hours of interrogation starts it is mental brainwashing. The controller becomes the center of the woman's existence. They are usually prevented from working outside the home. They are accused of having other guys or flirting or dressing too sexy(if he is not with her), she is made to dress sexy and held up as eye candy as long as he is holding the leash. many are called names or made to feel worthless, after it is has gone on for a long time the female starts to believe they are worthless and they can't do anything right or they are a bad mother or terrible wife or housekeeper. Avoid anyone that wants to cut you off from family or friends or makes you quit a job or will not allow you to have access to your own money, any indication of extreme anger or uncontolled rage get out, the controller is very good at what they do and before long there seems to be no way out. This guy actually turned her kids against her saying she was bad etc, but now that they are older they are starting to see the demon he is and are starting to stick up for her.
as things progress the level or anger or violence escalates, first it might just be yelling, then a shove then maybe throw something across the room, next it may be a slap then a punch. GET OUT NOW! Secretly save up some money for escape and build a safety network of friends or people that will help you in emergency!

What is sad is that all the things he hates about her are all the things I have loved about her for the last 14 or 15 yrs we have been in love. we met in 1990 became friends and after a bout 6 months to a year as friends we fell in love and did not act on it except one time kiss and a little petting. We both realized we couldn't stay away from each other so from 1993 till 1994 we started relationship, then she moved away I assumed she and I would move on. However in 1998 she called and my present wife was there I was so sad because i still loved her, we didn't talk or see each other until 2005 10 yrs later,when we made contact and it was like we never were apart and we are planning for her to divorce in the next year. We are not kids so this has taken a lot of soul searching and talking. If she stays and he retires she will not survive mentally and possibly physically!

Answer 5

Probaby not, since he doesn't see a problem. You know he's wrong and he's got an ego problem. Go to counseling yourself if you need the courage to leave him. But leave him you must or this abuse will escalate to physical abuse in time. In fact, if you leave him, he just may agree to counseling if he wants you back enough. So try it. You have nothing to lose. If he doesn't go to counseling then, you'll know he never will.

Answer 6

Without knowing more, I'm wondering WHY you would want to save it? If you are not ready to quit it, and he won't go to counseling, go by yourself. Maybe then you will know why you're interested in saving a marriage to someone who doesn't seem to value you...

Why on earth would someone give a "thumbs down" to this answer???

Answer 7

Yes, but only if you want it to. Through the helps of the lord your savior will it be. Pray day and night for your marriage and if hes the man god intended you to be with for the rest of your life then you will start to see changes sooner or later. he may not come when you want him but hes always on time.

Answer 8

Without counseling probably not unless you just want to stay his verbal punching bag which I doubt.

Answer 9

i think you want to save the marriage title but not him! try and separate the two because i certainly dont think you want to save him.
you can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink. He has to be a Willing Spirit to participate in the Marriage and its a long way off from where he is in his Mind.
Dont choose to wait another day in your life to be his victim.

Answer 10

I feel that without a mediator this situation will never be solved, when two people have issues it's hard for them to see each others side. otherwise if he is not even taking responsibility for his part in this 2 person relationship their is no hope.