Is it wrong for a bf/husband to expect regular sex from his gf/wife?

Question

It seems like a lot of women trivialize men's needs in a relationship. If a bf/husband is supportive of his wife, and fufills her emotional needs, isn't she somewhat obligated, as a good partner and wife, to fulfill her bf/husbands needs?

(This is of course providing that he's unselfish in the bedroom, and doesn't expect it like five times a day or anything...)

Mystic Renegade, I used those words on purpose to illustrate that, in a relationship, we are in a partnership; which comes with certain responsibilities.

Answer 1

the answer to that is a NO , no person is "obliged" to have sex with any person no matter how reasonable they are, of course any one that thinks people are obligated to suck his d*ck can't really be described as supportive and reasonable could they!
what you need is a total slapper like me that wants sex because i like doing it not because a feel obligated , and would you really want it any other way?

Answer 2

Well, let's just say you cannot beat it out of her. A womans response to such a thing goes like this... women..especially a woman who have recently had a child or a couple of children close together or other factors affecting hormones ( of which there are many many hormones AND of factors in life which affect hormone levels.. ) such as a bad diet ... strong menstruation problems.. either none or infrequent .. or even horribly long and very productive of physical discomfort etc... These things are indicative of a possible physical problem which need to be addressed by your wifes gynecologist. Also.. if your wife is getting older she could be nearing menopause... I don't know. Anyway.. get her to her doctor.. her gynecologist and have her get a check up every year. And you go to your doctor and get your check up every year. Talk to your wife kindly about all of this because you really don't know whats wrong... and it could be serious and it might not be serious. Anyway it goes..you love her and you should not let that love depend on sex. Sex is not love. Love comes from the heart. Let your love for your wife be strong and true and dependable no matter what.

Answer 3

I think your choice of words are poor here, although I do think that you are getting your point across. I think the word EXPECT and OBLIGATION are not ones that one would normally want to associate with love making, and a mutually satisfying sex life. MUTUALLY satisying is the key word here.

You say that the husband fulfills her emotional needs? How do you know? Most women don't even understand what those needs are so how can man know? According to Dr, John Gray, international gender expert and author of over 15 books on relationships, a man and a woman have different primary needs. A woman needs caring, devotion, respect, reassurance and understanding.

If a woman isn't responsive to her husband sexually it could be a MILLION of reasons why. He could be a poor lover, have a bad approach, she could be feeling overwhelmed or that she is doing all the giving in the realtionship. Or maybe she just has a low sex drive. One of the most common problems in a marriage is different levels of libido. It is impossible to tell what could be going on here.

I sugggest that the husband talk to the wife and ask her why she isn't in the mood! And then LISTEN to her answers. She is tired, she is stressed...whatever her reasons, just listen, don't try to fix it and loving accept what she tells you with understanding and caring. Once a man figures out how to make his woman feel that he really understands her and cares about her, sparks can fly. Women aren't like men, they have to have several other things in place before sex, mentally and emotionally.

Check out www.marsvenus.com for AWESOME information on the subject.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Love and sex are both given. To expect either is wrong. If you truly love the person then it should come naturally because you enjoy doing it and want to share that time with that person.
We all need love and affection from another person. But we should not expect it. If the other person is not in the mood, not feeling well, or for whatever reason, then to expect or coerce them into having sex is wrong. A good relationship is built on communication and understanding. If we communicate our needs and desires and the other person is receptive to that then you can enjoy a long, loving relationship with that person. But it takes two to tango so both parties have to be willing. Sometimes when one person is really in the mood and needs some extra attention, even though you are not in the mood to be sensitive to the needs of the other person is what makes for a great relationship.

Answer 5

It's only fair. If you are doing your part, by helping around the house and helping with the kids (if any) and you listen to her needs and try to make sure they are all fulfilled, then I do believe she is obligated to try to fulfill your needs. Not just sex, but also your emotional needs as well. Partnership is a 100%/100% commitment. If you meet her all the way, she should be willing to meet you all the way. I would think though, that if all of her needs are being met, she should want to fulfill your needs. She shouldn't see it as an obligation. Unless she's selfish and thinks the relationship is all about her.

Answer 6

It's not wrong, just unrealistic given most women over time. If it's a girlfriend and theres not enough, don't make any permanent plans in your life for her. Most women will never be as generous about sex as they are in the beginning. So, if it's bad in the beginning, the future isn't looking too good, is it? If, you are happy with your sex life and you are thinking about marriage with her, have a very very open and frank discussion and keep it going throughout the dating process and engagement. Make it clear what you expect and consider reasonable. If she finds your wants too much and discusses fairness and compromise, be very careful. This is not an area where men do well when they compromise away the amount they feel satisfied with. It is quite likely to lead to problems in the future. Basicly, if she is not agreeable to your needs now, she most certainly won't be later. There are many things on which a man can and should compromise with his wife. This is not one of them. It always leads to problems for both of them.

Answer 7

Relationships aren't about obligation, they're about love.

It is wrong for a husband or boyfriend to expect something from his wife or gf that he knows she has emotional hangups about or hates.

It doesn't matter how "unselfish" a man is in the bedroom; some people just don't like sex. Ever. And the two of them need to work something out.

Answer 8

Let's just say it's not "wrong" however he shouldn't be expecting sex. Women have the right to decide whether or not they are going to be used as a recepticle for a man's bodily fluids. And so far all you've said is about what a man needs...what about what a woman needs? Maybe if the man took out the garbage more often, watched the kids a little more, picked up his undewear off the floor or didn't piss on the floor in front of the toilet (if it's that short move closer to the bowl guys) she'd be more willing to fullfill your puny needs...

Answer 9

I completely agree with you. The problem is that alot of men aren't willing to admit that they don't meet their gf/wife's needs. The man thinks he's meeting her needs when in fact he's not, and he can't understand why she never wants to have sex, when it's because she's exhausted from working full-time, doing 2nd shift of taking care of the kids, making dinner, cleaning the house, putting the kids to bed ect, while her partner gets away with working full-time and coming home to relax, golfing on the weekend, and a poker/beer night with the guys every other week. Men and women just don't usually see it the same.

But in the idealistic relationship that you describe, then yes, a good wife should care about satisfying her partners sexual needs.

Answer 10

No you aren't wrong - your #1 need is the physical side of the relationship hers isn't but you both have to be committed to meeting each others needs - dispute hormones, stresses, kids, even being tired and having headaches. From some of your other questions it sounds like you are doing your part, you have been emotionally supportive, you have helped with household chores to clear the evening up, you plan evenings with her and have tried to make her feel special. I can't believe she can actually keep her hands off of you! Have you talk to her about this??? It's a delicate situation and there is no easy way to say to someone you love - you aren't giving me what I need - but you are gonna have to go there. Maybe start if off by asking her to think about what her needs are and then ask her if you are meeting them? Then share with her what your needs are and tell her you are just concerned because the physical side of your marriage has dwindled and because you love her and the life you two have created you want to get back in touch with that side of things. You are in a tough spot and I will keep you and your relationship in my prayers. If she loves you and isn't being selfish she will want to fulfill your needs because you have been filling hers. Good Luck

Answer 11

No it's not wrong. You married them with needs and continue to have the same. Not to get all preachy...but in the Bible it says that man and wife should not be keeping it from eachother, and if for some reason one is not feeling up to having sex one night, both should set aside a time for it later. Part of a relationship between a man and a woman is sexual and without that a piece of it is missing.