My husband and I are coming up on our first wedding anniversary in less than a month. However, I find myself not wanting to make it that far with him. Since the wedding, I have been in charge of cooking, cleaning, driving, taking care of our dog, finances, and running our life while also trying to pursue a career of my own. He does not want to learn to drive, leaves early and comes home late. I have tried to communicate about sharing responsibilities with him but whenever an opportunity comes up for him to advance his career he completely forgets that we even talked. At first he promised me that he was super loyal and would never so much as look at another woman but I have found that to be untrue and I lost my wedding rings over a fight about this, which I know now I was stupid to believe. Is our marriage worth going to counseling for, or is it too late? I find when I think about it, I am more upset about getting a divorce and not losing my husband.
2007-09-25 09:45:52 · 18 answers · asked by whatever79869 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We were in an overseas long distance relationship before we were married and none of this behavior was apparant before the wedding. I wasn't trying to change him because I didn't think there was anything to change before we got married.
2007-09-25 09:54:53 · update #1
It sounds like he really needs to wake up to the fact that he's married and has a seriously committed wife. It sounds like you do so much. You sound tired. And if he's out of the house early and not back until late, then you also seem to have a lot of time on your hands to think. If you aren't happy, and you're super tired, and you're frustrated with him I would say it's natural to be thinking about life without him. But, I wouldn't give up on your marraige yet. I'm sure you fell in love with him and married him for many reasons. Your marraige is very new. If he's not abusing you then try to work it out, go for the counseling. If he continues to neglect you even after a good honest attempt at communicating your frustrations, then that neglect could begin to count as emotional abuse, and that would be a point to consider splitting up. But by all means go talk to someone. If he isn't willing to go along, then just you go. Talking this out with a professional will help you. Sorry to hear about your clueless husband... I really wish you all the luck.
2007-09-25 09:59:42 · answer #1 · answered by blujello 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mention he 'leaves early, comes home late'. What's he doing & who's he with? If he's unfaithful, even the Bible back's you up on moving on w/o him. I'm unclear on 'how' you lost your wedding rings, but I'm assuming from your letter that he's climbing the corporated ladder @ your expense.
As far as counseling, he doesn't seem to have an ear for hearing you or doing what he promises. If you are interested in the challenge of making this 'situation' work, you can give him the ultimatum of counseling. Don't hold your breath even if he agrees to go.
Divorce is not the end of the world and sometimes is a huge learning experience. Some of the strongest people I know decided when it was time to move on & some of the weakest people I know are afraid to take the plunge.
Sounds like your husband misses his mom. I'd take the way out if I'd found out he's been unfaithful.
2007-09-25 17:05:23 · answer #2 · answered by CMA Mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you were in an overseas relationship before the wedding, how much personal contact did you have or was it all by email and phone? If that was the case, you are a fool. Sorry, but people, both men and women can say anything in an email or on the phone just to please the other person and try to win them over. Why do you think so many young (teen and pre-teen) girls are seduced by men they meet on the internet? Because it's so easy to be someone you really aren't.
As far as you marriage goes, try counseling if, and I would doubt it, he is willing to go. Sounds to me like he wants a mom not a wife. He wants to have everything taken care of for him at home just like mommy used to do for him. He probably never did any chores at home while he was growing up either, because mommy was always there to do it. The only thing he gets from you he didn't have with mom is between your legs and you don't make any mention of that side of your marriage, but I would lay odds that he's in and out quick, rolls over and goes to sleep without a thought of you or your needs, wants or desires. Or is he getting that elsewhere also.
Your marriage is in deep trouble. You sound like a wonderful lady for putting up with it this long. But get out while you still have your sanity.
2007-09-25 17:09:44 · answer #3 · answered by Cliff R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Were none of these signs there prior to the marriage a year ago? Did he change that much? If so then go to a counselor and find out what is going on. Maybe he is depressed and needs help. If however you married him hoping he would change then i am afraid you just found out first hand that marriage does not change people it only exacerbates the reality that you had before the marriage whether it was good or bad. Good luck to you.
2007-09-25 16:52:56 · answer #4 · answered by karenlanea2 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Um, my question is this: Did he somehow change overnight from being a prince charming to what you're describing? Because if not, I'm wondering why the hell you married him in the first place. Look honey, you knew the man before you got married and you still married his lazy, unmotivated a s s so it's your own fault for not being better at making decisions and picking your partner!
2007-09-25 16:54:09 · answer #5 · answered by bestadvicechick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband is a real Mama's boy - I dated once a bachelor who was like this... I'm glad that I listened well to my family and friends before it got too serious early.
I'm sorry about your marriage not working out. I guess in your part you tried to have an honest and open communication about your problems... The next step would be to see a marriage consellor about this problem before heading for divorce.
2007-09-25 16:54:07 · answer #6 · answered by mitchchan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage counseling can't hurt. It really does seem you already have your mind made up though. After divorce you will still do all those things yourself. None of that will change. So make sure you are thinking this through.
2007-09-25 16:50:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to marriage honey. The bad side of marriage takes work, understanding, tolerance and lots of compromising. The good side of marriage is love, respect, honesty and a life partnership.
Your husband needs to understand marriage is not a free for all where he takes and you give. If communication is down between the two of you I highly doubt counselling will work.
2007-09-25 16:58:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every marriage is worth going to counseling! Don't be too quick to divorce without trying to make it work.
2007-09-25 16:56:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I knew what to say but I don't, I think you should try counseling, maybe if some else is explaining your side to him he'll get the picture.
2007-09-25 16:56:52 · answer #10 · answered by PrettyLady26 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋