We split once 2 years into our marriage because he treated me terrible. After I moved out he begged me to come back said how sorry he was & how much he loved me. I didnt believe him because I tried to tell him how he was hurting me before we split but he didn't stop. He came over daily, called constantly & was extremely nice to me. So after 6 mnths I went back hoping 2 work things out. He did change how he treated me, but he never did stop controlling me. 2 yrs after we got back together he started being horribly jealous & accusing me of cheating when he worked nights. I never did cheat or do ANYTHING to make him think that. I dealt with it for 4 yrs. Now that I left hes doing the same as last time telling me how hes going 2 change, I do think he can stop but whats next?! I don't think I luv him anymore but am afraid it might be bitterness. Am I making a mistake wanting a divorce? But could I be wasting my life on a bad relationship? Should I move on? I want 2 make the right choice...
2007-09-25 09:14:26 · 12 answers · asked by sugar_foot_86321 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have tried to work it out for the kids. I understand marriage is never easy and you have to work things out. My parents are still married after 42 years but on the flip side my husband didn't have a dad so I now how hard it can be on kids from a broken home. But to be honest he's not really involved with the kids at all, he loves them but he doesn't try to be involved with their lives. Our problems are affecting them now, even though we try to hide it from them. So thats why I am considering a divorce
2007-09-25 09:47:43 · update #1
Yes you should leave him! If he fools you once then shame on him,If he fools you twice then shame on YOU! I think you should take custody of the kids and leave him. I mean Im sure he isnt a rotten person but he just isnt the person for you. Dont waste any more time and just tell him in a kind and loving way that you dont want to be with him anymore! Im sure you'll find someone for you someday and I think you'll be happier and he'll be kinder to you than your first husband!
2007-09-25 09:21:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you gave him a chance, you tried to work it out but to no avial, I think from reading your question, you really need to take the next step and be happy and move on with your life and get a divorce.
You said you don't love him anymore, and after all that you have been through, I do not blame you one bit!! How can you ever have the kind of life that you want after it was terrible when you took him back??
YOU need to make yourself happy!!! You tried, and he acted like a jerk and you ended up falling out of love with him, and that is normal, that is your mind telling you that you need and want something else out of life, and that is a better life for YOU!!!
I was seperated from my husband and we were lucky, during the seperation, it made us realize that we still love eachother, and we just needed time apart for a while.
It gave us time to talk, and it gave us space and it also gave us time to heal and to finally realize that we still loved eachother.
Now, we are married for fifteen years, have a beautiful ten year old daughter, and are more blessed than ever! I thank God for giving my husband and I another chance.
But for others, honey, like you, this gives YOU a chance to now get YOUR life on track and start thinking about what YOU want.
You tried, and tried, and now it is time to move on!!
2007-09-25 09:23:45 · answer #2 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some partners enjoy the challenge of 'winning' their mate back after they have lost them through abuse. It's a power trip for their ego. They may feel cunning & intellectually superior for having 'fooled' the mate into coming back. It's like a
cat & mouse game' & they're the predator. One thing is for certain, an abusive person who can turn his abuse on & off is showing that he is 'choosing' to be abusive & is getting some kind of kick out of abusing you. Control is an abuse too. For your peace & joy I would stay clear of this type of partner.
The question you need to answer is not whether he can stop abusing you because he has already shown that he can. The question you need to answer is whether he will stop and & think he has aleady answered that because you have given him repeat chances to make it right & he chooses to trash his chances. Whether its bitterness on your part or not is not the issue. You have been taught by your husband that he is not to be trusted. You might get in touch with Albion Fellows Bacon Ctr. or a local women abuse center & ask them whether you are wrong in wanting a divorce. Personally, I think you are fringing on being guilty of allowing yourself to be abused by staying with this twisted person.
Ask yourself whether or not you would have dated this man when you first met him had you known what you know now. I don't think you would & I don't think you should now.
My advice is to dump him.
2007-09-25 09:38:19 · answer #3 · answered by CMA Mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you are asking...I don't think you have grounds for divorce. So, your marriage isn't all roses. Join the crowd! You both need marriage help. Not necessarily counseling there is a great class called marriage dynamics. They talk about your needs and his needs. Stop being so selfish and think about your children. Think of the alternatives. Work on your marriage. You made a vow, fulfill it.
2007-09-25 09:23:19 · answer #4 · answered by Brain 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How many chances does he deserve? You should go. A leopard doesnt change its spots and he already knows that you will leave him due to the way he behaves yet he did nothing to change because he doesnt want to change. You need to provide a stress free life for you and your children.
2007-09-25 09:23:08 · answer #5 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
move on. his behavior is deep seated and even though he might want to stop, he can't until he gets effective help. that can take years of therapy. Be sure to not bad mouth him to the kids, that hurts them more than anyone else.
2007-09-25 09:17:34 · answer #6 · answered by John M 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say but he will not change, he'll just pretend to change for a while to get you back and then start treating you like crap again. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Remember that.
2007-09-25 09:18:25 · answer #7 · answered by ☆ღWifey Wifeyღ☆ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to follow your heart. If you don't love him anymore then leave, but you have kids so if you can work things out you should def. try. Only you know what will make you happy.
2007-09-25 09:19:34 · answer #8 · answered by Lolligager 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop thinking about what is best for you and start thinking about what is going to be best for your three kids.. you need to grow up a little and put their interests before yours... So ask yourself what is best for them and what is going to give them the best chance to grow up and suceed... its not about you anymore... Best of luck
2007-09-25 09:18:54 · answer #9 · answered by Rose 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow, sounds like he already got a second chance and screwed it up, don't waste your time in a cycle.
2007-09-25 09:17:54 · answer #10 · answered by paula t. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋