what to do about an ignorant family member?

Question

my cousin is 25, married and has a 11 month old baby girl. She stopped by my place yesterday to drop off some baby clothes for a friend of mine having a little girl in a few months. Anyway, one of my issues with her at the moment is that she bought a new carseat for her daughter in the last few months. Yesterday when she stopped by I noticed that her daughter was facing forward in her carseat. Illegal #1. Here babies must face the rear until 12 months of age even if the infant carseat is outgrown before that age. The other problem is that not only was she facing forward in the carseat she had her in a carseat that is too old for her, it was a toddler to booster carseat. My soon to be 3 year old will just be going into one of these by Christmas this year. Her daughter is about 19 Lbs now and she feels that the baby is getting too big for the infant carseat. I have never seen an infant carseat with a weight limit of less than 20 Lbs, sometimes even 22 Lbs or so.

when I told her yesterday that if she gets caught she can get fined, she didn't seem to care. We are talking about the safety of her baby here. She has never had a public health visit and I think she missed half of her prenatal classes. If she had any kind of contact with public health they could have told her of this before hand as well as helped her through the very trying time they went through when their daughter was first born. She was jaundiced so badly and it wasn't picked up until she was about 2 weeks old, she was almost the same colour as her pumpkin halloween costume. Now she is almost 10 weeks pregnant with their 2nd baby and I am afraid that all of this will happen all over again because she is just soo stubborn and ignorant about so many different things.

I did tell her yesterday that she shouldn't be in that carseat and why. She didn't seem to care either way.

I just found this link. I hope it is written clear and plain enough for her to get through her thick skull.

http://www.mto.gov.on.ca/english/safety/carseat/choose.htm#infants

I just love how people have way out their opinions like Finchy and then don't let you contact them back about it. I am well aware of the rear facing infant to toddler seat. My son is in one at the moment. He is almost too big for it at 3 next month, 40 Lbs and 39"-40". I had public health nurse visits every month until Gabe was 18 months old as well as a seperate public health nurse visit every week until 8 months then every 2 weeks after that. I knew that I could benefit from the visits and with Gabe being our first child there were a lot of things I wasn't sure about that they came in very handy. I just sent her the link, lets see how miffed she gets at me.

Answer 1

If you have already spoken to her, which i hope you have before writing all this out, ask yourself if there are any other reasons as to why she wouldn;'t be following safety rules. or better yet, ask her. if she is ignorant to safety rules, inform her. if there is no other reason for her "ignorance" and she refuses to do anything bout the safety of her own child due to laziness, then I would let someone else, like DCFS or the police dept deal with it. maybe she cant afford a new car seat...if that is the case, "tipping off the authorities" would be pretty stupid because the law will most likely give her a ticket, therefore preventing her from purchasing a better car seat. repeatedly inform her of the consequences of improper use of a car seat until she gets it thru her thick head.

Answer 2

Talk to her. My daughter was in the infant carrier/carseat until she was almost 17 months, until she was 20 lbs. Then we moved her to the bigger carseat. She isn't quite 30 lbs yet but she is 2 1/2 years old and we use the larger toddler carseat with the grandmas for easy transporting and moving carseats around, so I guess I'm breaking the rules too, but I didn't when my daughter was 11 months.

I read the second part of your question. I didn't go to prenatal classes -It's not mandatory. I have a great doctor who told me it wasn't necessary since I was well read.

The jaundice situation is a little scary. Can you talk to your aunt (your cousin's mother). Maybe she can get through to her. Talk to someone super close to your cousin who might be able to help her, her 11 month old, and the baby who is on the way.

Answer 3

A friend of mine told me a couple of days ago she got a forward facing carseat for her 4 month old daughter (who can't even sit up by herself). Her reason to do this? The other one was too small.... I was so shocked!! I told her the reasons why a baby should be in the "uncomfortable" carseat until they are at least 13kg. She just ignored me. You know, some moms truly believe they are doing the right thing and won't even listen. At this point I just pray for her daughter's safety.

Answer 4

It sounds like you have a lot of issues with her. Honestly, why are you getting so worked up about a one month difference? If you are honestly concerned for your niece's safety (not just annoyed with your cousin), then why don't you turn her over to the authorities. Either that, or you could buy her a brand new car seat that can accomodate your niece to 22 lbs. That way, your cousin can see that her daughter can fit better into a bigger, rear-facing car seat.

Answer 5

Find out the brand and model number of her daughter's car seat. While she most defintely should NOT have turned it forward facing before 12 months of age, there ARE some convertible to booster car seats that are approved for her weight range, we actually own one for our son.

I would check the manufacturer's weight restrictions before I made a big deal about the car seat.

However...I WOULD print out some information about the importance of keeping her daughter rear facing for another four weeks.

Answer 6

You should just keep your mouth shut - don't let her take your child in her car...that is all you can do...

Personally I would call the cops on her, and have them show up when she stops by and let them deal with her..but her child is big enough for a big car seat by the way it just should be rear facing still (they do that you know)

My daughter outgrew her infant car seat by 18 lbs her legs were bent and cramped..so we got a bigger car seat and had it rear facing till she was 1 and weighed 22 lbs...

But don't try to correct her it will only lead to trouble...

Answer 7

I would speak your mind and if she don't listen you could also call DCFS and report her about her miss treatment of the child due to car safety issues. They will check up on her or maybe show her some statistics on children death rates with miss used car seats. Statistics show that 4 out of 5 car seats are used wrong.

Answer 8

I disagree about minding your own business. When a baby's safety is at sake, it is your business. If you do not want to get involved call Social Services. The whole reason a baby is in a rear facing seat until at least a year old is because most accidents are frontal and a babies spine has not developed enough to take on a hit if they are facing out.

Answer 9

I would sneak a picture of the car seat and have social serviecs /child protective services drop by for a visit. If she's doing nothing wrong then they wont do anything. If she's doing something wrong, they'll fix the situation. She needs a wake up call.

People who say its "not your problem" are wrong. If this child is killed in a car accident how would you feel then? Be the bad guy if you have to, but help the baby.

Answer 10

Did you tell her about your concerns? She can't change the problem if she doesn't know about it.

If you've said something and she didn't change her behavior, I'd tip off the authorities. Many states have a program in which you can anonymously report child safety-seat violations. Maybe a fine would change her tune.

This is not a case in which you should be quiet and try to keep peace in the family. The baby's life could be at stake.