My thesis statement:
"Crimes committed on the grounds of insanity can be justified due to 'state of mind'. Everyone has a breaking point, for some it is sooner than others."
The rest of the paragraph:
"Crimes committed on the grounds of insanity can be justified due to 'state of mind'. Everyone has a breaking point, for some it is sooner than others. All our actions can be justified somehow, whether due to mental state, physical state, or another reason we create. No matter what, we always find some reason why our actions may be right in our eyes. In The Black Cat and The Tell-Tale Heart, Edgar Allan Poe attempts to prove this statement true through his gruesome narration, strong symbolism, and various literary techniques."
2007-09-25 08:37:40 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
just remember - this is not how my essay STARTS. there are sentences before my thesis,...
2007-09-25 09:05:06 · update #1
The second sentence has a comma splice and needs a little other work. Rewrite it as follows (two options):
1) Everyone has a breaking point; for some, it comes sooner than for others.
2) Everyone has a breaking point. For some, it comes sooner than for others.
Changing the comma after "point" to a semicolon OR splitting it into two sentences resolves the comma splice.
The comma after "some" draws more attention to the phrase and makes the sentence flow better.
Changing "is" to "comes" and adding "for" before "others" makes the sentence sound more active and more polished. The "for" before "others" also makes the sentence's structure parallel by having it start with "for some" and end with "for others."
Two other changes (minor ones):
1) "another reason we create" to "another reason we create ourselves."
2) "right in our eyes" to "right in our own eyes."
Adding "ourselves" and "own" reinforces the concept of justifying oneself and one's own actions, which seems to be your point, correct?
Other than that, it looks fine.
2007-09-25 08:52:26 · answer #1 · answered by Navigator 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No but I won't rewrite it all. You do need more flow.
Crimes committed on the grounds of insanity can be justified due to 'state of mind'. Everyone has a breaking point, for some it is sooner than others." (The second sentence is your grab so put it first)
The rest of the paragraph:
"Crimes committed on the grounds of insanity can be justified due to 'state of mind'. Everyone has a breaking point, for some it is sooner than others. (You already said this) All (Though all) our actions can be justified somehow, whether due to mental state, physical state,("," needs to go )or another reason we create. No matter what(, not needed) we (may) always find some reason why our actions may(delete) (ARE, strong word) be right in our eyes. In (delete "in") The Black Cat ,The Tell-Tale Heart, ("and" goes here) Edgar Allan Poe attempt to prove this statement true.
................
2007-09-25 09:08:49 · answer #2 · answered by jackson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its okay if you are just writing about crime, but the paper suddenly shifts into talking about Poe. Make sure that the reader knows that they are about to read a Poe related paper. what you wrote is good....but include the real theme here which is Edgar Allen Poe. For example, In "The Tell-Tale Heart", Edgar Allen Poe embraces the concept of justified behavior through a state of insanity or unsound mind. Everyone has a breaking point, for some it is sooner than others.....(and so on)
2007-09-25 08:48:15 · answer #3 · answered by elreydechess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your thesis statement is very good. It sums up the whole thesis well.
Personally, I very strongly disagree with what you are saying. The truly insane are not justified any more than the people who claim to be "temporarily" insane. I would have those who are insane and commit crimes put away in an instition where they can get the proper medical treatment that they need, BUT they would never be allowed out. If they are violently insane, why release them to commit another crime? And by medical treatment, I do not in any way infer or imply that they be mistreated in the slightest.
Like I said, though, good thesis statement.
2007-09-25 08:48:52 · answer #4 · answered by ? 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You misuse the word justify.
Justification is explaining why what appears to be an egregious or unreasonable behavior, is ACTUALLY not unreasonable given the full scope of the circumstances.
The 'Insanity Defense' ADMITS the behavior is NOT justifiable, but begs for mercy based on an alleged, temporary or permanent, inability of an individual to make a sane (i.e.justifible) decision.
2007-09-25 08:59:31 · answer #5 · answered by Phoenix Quill 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would reconsider the use of the word "justified." Crimes are rarely "justified," but they may be excused/defensible/etc. on the basis of insanity. On the other hand, It is easier to justify something to ourselves than to the outside world. Other than that, I think you're on to something.
2007-09-25 08:51:02 · answer #6 · answered by aboukir200 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow...
Great, IMHO...
The Poe correlation was what "got me"....
Well said, concise and to the point. I want to read your paper now!
2007-09-25 08:46:01 · answer #7 · answered by Toots 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are u all freaking english teachers or something
2015-11-04 10:46:51 · answer #8 · answered by Nathan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋