He says he's on the fence? He takes me out, we booked a vacation, & he still wants sex? When all goes well he is happy.If he doesn't get his way then he wants a divorce again & is fed up? Is he playing with me or is he nuts?
2007-09-25 07:59:00 · 11 answers · asked by lostsoul67 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's not using you like all these other responses say. (He's confused.) He's not nuts (well, not anymore than any other married person!) He's not playing with you (not intentionally, anyway.)
Here's what is happening:
He loves you but he is confused about many things: He likes it when all goes well, but is having a difficult time dealing with the fact that all doesn't go well ALL the time.
He wants you and the marriage but he doesn't want to have to put in effort to make it work - don't feel too down about this; many men, and women for that matter, don't realize how much work a marriage is until they're trying to save it.
He feels like his life would be easier without all the stresses that marriage brings on, but at the same time, feels happy enough and comfortable enough in the marriage to want to do things with you, like go on trips, etc.
Bottom line: The man is just confused and having a hard time trying to deal with the fact that marriage takes work.
What should you do? That depends. It depends on whether or not this is a phase, or whether or not it continues to happen, etc.
If it's a phase it will pass but there will still be underlying issues because he will never have confronted what's bothering him.
If it turns out to not be a phase, here's how you'll know: Either A.) he will actually file for divorce and leave or B.) you'll get fed up and do it.
If you want this to work, you need to talk to him. You need to tell him that he can't just keep throwing "divorce" around like it's nothing. It's a big deal and he needs to know, him doing that is really hurting you.
Tell him to just talk to you about whatever it is that's bothering him, that you really care and want to help. And then if and when he talks to you, listen objectively. No throwing punches, so to speak. When a guy actually talks, it's a big deal, and the smallest little thing you say to make him feel he shouldn't have tried to talk to you, could throw that progress in reverse, and quickly.
You two just have to communicate better.
IF, though, it eventually does come to the point where he ends up filing for divorce, you cannot leave your heart open for him. No going places with him, no sex, no kisses, no anything! You will only hurt yourself.
In the meantime, while he IS infact your husband, open your heart and mind to him and listen to him. Find ways to compromise and talk before it's too late.
I hope I've helped. It's hard to advise because all situations are different. Yours just sounded close to home to me, as far as some things my husband and I have gone through... if we can find ways around it, so can you.
Best of luck.
2007-09-25 08:28:58 · answer #1 · answered by shellj_foxy 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
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2016-05-18 02:41:42 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is confused/or playing games. You need to set him straight for the sake of your peace, he can't choose to be in the marriage when its good then decide to want to be single when its bad. You need to think about this, when he says he wants a divorce does that mean he wants and can fool around or do what he wants until he decides hes ready to be in the marriage. Basically is he saying it and getting the perks then coming back and saying ok im good now.
I hope that you 2 can work it out and maybe he's just overwhelmed or he just has a fear of commitment. Either way any scenario try and talk it out and see what exactly is where he stands so he can stop coming back and forth in your life and you can do what you need to do for your peace of mind. And p.s. You are NOT a convenience he cant just come to you when its good and ready for him, to come around. Dont allow anyone to treat you like a convenience.
2007-09-25 08:10:38 · answer #3 · answered by Queen of the Scene 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are being used but not like some other responses. He is distancing himself from you emotionally. He told you he wants a divorce so that you don't see this as a surprise when he does finally walk out the door. The leaver often does stuff like this while the leavee sits by and thinks it'll all work out.
2007-09-25 08:05:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he shouldn't be married. He is acting very selfish and emotionally abusive when he "doesn't get his way". Marriage is about compromise, love, understanding and communication. I would find it difficult to walk on eggshells as it sounds you are doing.
You really need to take a good, long, hard look at him. Really think about if he is truly worth this jerking around he is doing with your emotions. Think about his good qualities and his bad qualities and weigh it all out.
YOU have to decide what you want in life. Remember this is your life too. Do you want to continue this way? Do you want to give up complete control of your life? Sweetie, life is way too short to live in limbo, so if he can't make a decision, maybe it is time that you make that decision for him. If you can't make that decision now, then your heart will know when enough is enough. And of course he still wants sex, he is a man. Best wishes and think about yourself in all this!!
2007-09-25 08:31:43 · answer #5 · answered by 2008girl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is a manipulater, and will say and do things to hurt you until he gets his way. If you did everything he wanted you to do, he would off the fence and sitting in the easy chair having you run circles around him. Don't play his game, call his bluff and tell him to grow up and be a man, and step up to the plate, because he is not going to get his way 100%. If he doesn't like that then show him the door and tell him to knock when he is grown.
2007-09-25 08:05:36 · answer #6 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
He is nuts AND playing you! Why are you letting him decide what happens in this relationship? What do you want. Can you trust a man that wants a divorce when he doesnt get his way?
2007-09-25 08:04:19 · answer #7 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
he is using you I broke it off with my ex husband wanted a divorce but he still thought he could use me for sex since no one wanted him
2007-09-25 08:02:10 · answer #8 · answered by oh_jo123 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
He's playing you and you're nuts if you keep this up.
2007-09-25 08:03:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Well, maybe if YOU didn't let HIM play with your head, he wouldn't.
If it were me, I would tell him, "Look buddy, you are either in, or your out....which is it??"........
2007-09-25 08:05:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋