I had my daughter 8 months ago and since then I've had zero sex drive. I'm driving my hubby crazy because he wants it and I'm just not in the mood. I would think this might be normal right after childbirth with still being sore and all, but 8 months later?? We might have sex maybe 1 or twice a month now and I only do it because I feel bad for my hubby. Anyone else experiencing anything like this?
2007-09-25 07:35:06 · 9 answers · asked by Momof2 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
You know whats even funnier, is my name is Kristy too! (Except I spell it Christi)
I love the name Kaitlyn...good choice!
2007-09-25 07:41:55 · update #1
I had this problem with my second.
I faked wanting it once a week and once I got back into realizing how great it is for me and my husband and how much I enjoy it I was back to normal in a few months. If we don't use it we lose it and the longer you wait to get back to where you were the harder it is.
Now, hormonal issues can happen and I suggest that you talk to your doctor about it. They can really help.
2007-09-25 07:42:30 · answer #1 · answered by New England Babe 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yep. I felt bad for my husband too. My lack of a sex drive also had to do with having such bad tears. I was so afraid for so long because of the fear of pain or hurting something. I realized that sometimes even when I didn't feel I was in the mood, if I gave in, about half way through I would get into it. (Sorry if TMI.) Also, all of our attention and energy goes to our babies and we are tired. Also, the love we are getting and giving to our babies satisfies a lot of our needs and desires, so it was easy for me to neglect my husband at times. Just give in a little more often and you'll start enjoying it more and more. I would also tell my husband that foreplay and getting me in the mood required the dishes being done and things straightened up so I could relax. It worked! Good luck!
2007-09-25 07:42:41 · answer #2 · answered by Precious 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel bad! No one tells you this but I finally found an article about a study done that many women don't get a libido back until up to a year after having a baby.
I'll see if I can find it online...it was in one of my magazines a few months ago.
Anyway...I started having sex again 9 months after giving birth. It was still uncomfortable. By a year after, things started feeling normal again.
You still have hormonal changes going on and it's easy to forget that. Some of us have our hair fall out around 6-10 months after giving birth (I was one of the "lucky" ones to have that happen too)....so people don't realize that so much is still changing long after the baby was born. Even more so if you are breastfeeding (I breastfed for a year). Breastfeeding also keeps you very "dry" down there (my OBGYN was doing my pelvic exam and while she was down there she said "I see you are breastfeeding!" She then explained how dry it makes you).
Some unfeeling people and even doctors will recommend you just get back to it...for your husband's sake, no less. And that you just use lube and tolerate it.
I say, do what you can to keep your relationship together. Explain to your husband how you're feeling and that this won't last forever. But give him a "hand" in the meantime, if you are willing.
I shake my head at people on here that claim to want sex 2 weeks after giving birth. I guess it's possible, but certainly not healthy. Everyone should at least wait until their first appointment (usually at 6 weeks) and make sure they are healed. For the rest of us that lose our libido....give it time. And remember, giving birth and that first year with your baby is EXHAUSTING.
It will get better! Good luck and best wishes!
EDIT:
Here you go....see:
http://books.google.com/books?id=PMMQx_uZ3R0C&pg=PA253&lpg=PA253&dq=low+libido+up+to+a+year+after+giving+birth&source=web&ots=FxeCSNODFz&sig=I9Oq27SSX-J4xEq5QMpOZteVQbw
In the book "Reclaiming Desire: 4 Keys to Finding Your Lost Libido" by Andrew Goldstein & Marianne Brennan, they say on page 253 that "Most women report a decline in sexual function and satisfaction for up to 1 year after childbirth."
I also read in an article that it may take until you wean your child from breastfeeding before you get your libido back.
Hang in there!
2007-09-25 07:54:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know I had NO sex drive for about 3 months after the baby...Finally my husband begged me to (literally). So I obliged, all the while thinking I really don't want to do this... But it was like getting into the pool the first time.. at first you don't want to, but what the hell jump right in!
His cajoling helped me remember that I had a sex drive, and sex could be just as good after the baby.
But like I said I really didn't want to at first but the feeling passed after about 10-20 minutes in.
My advice just give it a shot even if you really are not feeling it.
2007-09-25 08:00:50 · answer #4 · answered by katharine w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I FEEL YOUR PAIN!! You should read some of my questions I have asked the same thing. I had my baby 5 1/2 months ago and I'm feeling the same way. I just keep hoping that I will get it back one day!! Sorry I can't give you any advice but all I can say is your not alone!!
2007-09-25 07:45:12 · answer #5 · answered by Amber B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am in the same exact boat! i used to be wild then it happened once i got pregnant. i noticed i wasnt the same..then after i had my son 8 months ago i really didnt want to do it. i also do it just so he is happy and i pretty much lie there as a dead body.
i have been reading up on this manner and its common. not totally common. do you breastfeed? i am blaming my sex drive is non-exsistant because of that but i dont know for sure. i keep blaming it on something else.
2007-09-26 12:53:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, I am in the same boat you are. I had my daughter (also named Kaitlyn!) 6 months ago and I haven't been in the mood since early in my pregnancy. I'm guessing it is from the stress and lack of sleep. I'm hoping it will change soon.
I'm looking forward to all the answers to his question.
2007-09-25 07:39:01 · answer #7 · answered by Kristy Lynn 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow. I feel for you and your husband. As wives, we want to please our husband and keep him happy in the bed, but a new born is very demanding. Don't feel bad, just talk to your husband about what you are going through. Fortunately, I did not experience this after any of my births. Maybe counseling?
2007-09-25 07:41:36 · answer #8 · answered by mommieaqueen 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
i have this same problem n my sons gonna 6 month it just dont seem to intrest me very much when i think about it. i feel so bad for my husband but idk. i have my days where im int he mood but it isn't very often and he gets so flustered i just figure itll take time.
2007-09-25 11:11:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋