I have been married what will be 5 yrs soon and the good times are being seriously out weighing the bad.I am 25 yrs old going on 26 and my husband is 35 yrs old.I have a daughter who is 5 yrs old from a previous relationship and a son who will be turning 2 yrs old soon paternity is the issue here though among other problems.My husband cheated on me with his secratary while we were trying for a baby i found out and we seperated for 5-6 months(he moved in with her).I was very angry and in a emotionally depressed state out of revenge i had sex with my daughter bio-dad.A week or 2 later my husband came home and we chose to try to work things out.Soon after i found out i was pregnant i did tell my husband about hat happened with my ex.But when the doctor placed the conception date at the same time we got back together hubby said all was water under the bridge.When my son was only 1-1.5 yrs old we had an medical emergancy it turned out that my hubby as not my sons bio-dad.Read on please.
2007-09-25 06:05:51 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ever since my hubby and i found this out our relationship has been very strained.He has been acting increasingly controling of how i spend any money even for food shopping.Has been harsh with my daughter spanking her for spilling juice and has even spanked my son for taking the remote.He has refused therapy and believes this is my consequence for my actions?What to do?
2007-09-25 06:10:42 · update #1
I kno if i try an divorce him he will make my life hell as well as my kids and air out all our dirty laundry for all to see.
2007-09-25 06:14:22 · update #2
I would leave him. http://www.divorcelawyers.com
2007-09-25 06:21:52 · answer #1 · answered by Memory 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you both need some serious 3rd party counseling, hopefully church based. I would stress the importance of staying together if for no other reason than the children, but I can imagine that if your husband finds out that your son is not his, that may be too much for him. Then again, he brought this on with the affair ... But none of this should ever result in endangering the children, that must be where it is stopped. It sounds like a trial separation may be in order especially if the children are suffering.
It is sad that divorces are usually brought on by one hurting the other and the other getting back and the original escalating etc etc etc. It is a spiral that only has one destination. It takes both of you to bring this out of its obvious conclusion. As Danny Devito says in War of the Roses, "In Divorce, there is no winning, just degrees of loosing" (or something like that). And this is especially true when there are children involved. I would strongly, no STRONGLY suggest that you both get some serious counseling, some refocus on what your relationship is about, what a marriage is for, how to build a family, etc. If you attend church, I would suggest looking there first.
2007-09-25 13:19:08 · answer #2 · answered by AgThorn 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honesty was the best policy!! In my opinion, he has the right to be mad and upset with you for leading him to believe that your son was his. Lying never makes things better or go away. The truth will always come out. But now that you know that, if you want your marriage to work and your husband is willing to, you will have to give him time to deal with what you did to him. You knew that he could possibly not be his and you said nothing. He's hurt and upset, not that you shouldn't be for what he did. How would you feel if his affair had ended with him fathering a child with his secretary? Don't let him take out his anger on the children. This should be between you and him. If it takes it go to counseling. Personally, I just don't understand why women think they can get away with this. It only hurts the father and the child when the truth comes out and the truth always come out!
2007-09-25 13:29:12 · answer #3 · answered by Needtoknow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make a choice. Do you want to live that crappy existence for the next 5 years, 10 year, 50 years? I wouldn't. Let him air the laundry, he was just lucky the GF didn't get pregnant while he was boffing her for several months. Water under the bridge means you never have to deal with it again. His actions don't match his words. A good spouse does not "punish" for past transgressions once they have forgiven. Walk away and find a better man down the road.
2007-09-25 13:31:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all the biggest issue is how he is treating your daughter! There is no reason to spank a child over spilled milk!!!!! That is wrong! If that is the kind of man he is you are better off with out him. Your children come first! He has absolutly no right to punish a child for your actions!
What are your reasons for even wanting to stay? Why are you aloowing this to go on?
2007-09-25 13:17:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could continue on the way you are a be a prisoner your whole life putting up with his BS ..or You could end it, it might be bad for awhile, but eventually it will be over and you could get on with your life. Remember he left you first, he moved out so if he's living with someone, why is there a double standard that you couldn't date. Don't you leave the home make him leave, to keep your rights and alimony and custody.
2007-09-25 13:37:12 · answer #6 · answered by jd 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...did your husband not cheat on you and decide to move in with his secretary? Did you think your relationship was over at that time? I would have. I wouldn't have run back to my baby daddy but I would have thought the relationship was over and felt the freedom to persue another relationship if that happened. But your husband should not be hitting your children for little insignificant things. You know why he's hitting your children....he's taking his anger out on them and that's not fair.
2007-09-25 13:17:12 · answer #7 · answered by *bAdHaBiT* 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Heh, heh....oh what a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive.
The only ones who lose here are the kids. You and your husband, his secretary and your ex are of the lowest caliber.
Nothing like designing and constructing your own pain and misery in life. Nice job....all of you. By the looks of things there isn't going to be any improvement either. Prepare for a lousy road ahead.
2007-09-25 13:37:16 · answer #8 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he refuses to get help, my suggestion would be for you to get it. You are obviously unsure of how to proceed and may need some help with that decision.
2007-09-25 13:17:21 · answer #9 · answered by trysh_mc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to get out of this while you can before he hurts one of your children.
2007-09-25 14:43:16 · answer #10 · answered by stacy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋