Why are Feminists such an angry people?

Question

It seems their answers almost always contain some sort of insult or anger. Debates can happen without it getting so personal. What's with all the anger?

Piano_kath:Regarding your statement that I will need to look back in however many years and look at the situation again. I completely understand where you are coming from. I can see how you would assume that I haven't thought of all these things. I also understand that even though I have thought of all these things (such as; endless days, times of lonliness and thankless work) that you will still say that I will never be prepared for it until it happens. I completely agree, however, I don't think that should stop me or anyone else for accepting my role as a wife and embracing it whole-heartedly. The truth is, I do worry about those long days and having enough energy. I worry about it all. However, I also know that I have a wonderful husband and a strong faith in God as well as a wonderful support system of friends. With all these things I will not fail. God will not fail me.
As far as my husband goes, I must say your way of wording your concerns were a little rude and unappreciated

To assume, because I stated that women are better fit for the care of a child than man, that my husband will not be a good if not great father was completely incorrect for you to do. My husband will be a very good father and of course will be involved with the child, including changing diapers...lol. I was just stating that it is the woman that is better equip by God to stay at home with the child. My husband is very excited about all baby duties. He very much caters to mine and our families happiness.

Piano_kath: Why is it that nobody can accept that I choose to believe what I believe? No one beat it into me, I wasn't born into religion and I didn't marry into religion. I actually ran from religion until I was 23. After a long life of searching, researching and feeling empty I found Christianity. Now I knew of Christianity before, of course. I had many friends that were Christians and tried to beat the Bible into me and I resisted with a passion.
Also, even before I became a true believer in the Word, I still believed what I believe now about the woman and man’s role; just now it makes more sense.

More to Piano_kath: Your statement of: Left completely alone, I doubt very much that any woman's brain could tell her, "why yes, of course, I should submit to him - he is clearly wiser than I could ever be"…
Seriously hon, I never stated that I think my husband is “wiser than I could ever be”. Why do people keep trying to put these ridiculous words in my mouth? If you are Christian, then you know what true submission is about. Submission as we submit to the Lord. And yes, left completely along (because I am my own woman, not some man’s robot) my brain thinks something to this, “I love the respectful and balanced relationship my husband and I have. I love having his protection and I adore the fact that he needs me. I love that we are able to be dependent on each other while still being able to act independently in the world. I love that I am able to be vulnerable to him and he is to me. I love that I know he will do anything for this family and he knows I will do the same.”

Answer 1

Because most (not all of them) lack the self-confidence required to debate or discuss without becoming maniaclly disturbed or irate by a different point of view.
You should check the R&S section sometime, its a jungle out there...he he.
Welcome to GWS darling...best wishes! :-)

Answer 2

The Gender and Women's Studies section here tends to attract two extremist groups: misogynistic masculists and misandristic feminists. What members of extremist groups fail to conceptualize is that this is a public forum and, as such, you get no guarantee that people won't disagree with you. Then I suspect that there are some here who are not really as extremist as they claim to be but just want to see a good debate. Take care!

BTW - There is no law against "hurt feelings" nor should there be.

Answer 3

I'm answering your previous question, about feminists thinking it's important to work outside the home - you chose an answer before I was finished!

Anyway:
I disagree with you in principal even though I do precisely what you are advocating.

You have one baby on the way - I fancy you should look back at this question in a few years time when you've actually pushed three or four kids out there and see if you still agree with yourself! You have no experience yet of what it is you are expecting of yourself and others (and no, babysitting does not count, nor does observation of others’ parenting), so I don't think it is entirely appropriate for you to judge at this point in your journey through life.

I'm a mother of two small children with a third on the way. I haven't ever had a career - I finished my music degree and promptly had our first son. My husband has a good job/career which he enjoys a great deal and which earns enough money; I have not since I had never even begun with a career, besides having no idea what I wanted to do work-wise anyway. I certainly never felt the desire to work in a rubbishy 9 to 5 that I didn't care about, simply to "get out of the home"! So, I have been a full-time stay-at-home mother/housewife ever since.

Here's the kicker, kid: babies and children can be dull and tedious however much you love them and feel honoured to bring them up. It is not as easy as you seem to think to get adult contact when all you are doing is being at home with children. We don’t live in tribes of families any more – you will feel very alone and isolated, and quite honestly, as busy as you will undoubtedly be, you will get bored. Why do you think mum & toddler groups etc. exist - it's not for the kids! It's for their full-time mothers, who desperately crave adult human contact, conversation and empathy - and honey, newflash: they don't talk about how fulfilled their lives are, they compare notes on how best to "deal" with the hardships, the loneliness and the terribly guilty feelings that come with realising you need a little more in your life than 24-hour contact with your own progeny. You will get a wake-up call. It might not be for some time, but it will come.

I do believe that children's parents are best qualified to care for them - but I would be doing my husband a serious injustice if I dared to say or even think that he couldn't do as good a job as I can! Some good friends of ours had what I would consider the ideal solution. They both had jobs they really enjoyed. The husband worked Monday Wednesday Friday, the wife Tuesday and Thursday and sometimes Saturday morning. Whoever was not working took care of the kids. Perfect: children with a parent 100% of the time, parents having a break every other day and being better parents for it (as I observed). Can I suggest that if you think your own husband would not be up to this (whilst I realise it may not be an option - it certainly isn't for us at the moment) you may want to think about the kind of father you are providing for your children if not. Since divorce is apparently not an option (I jest, but you get the point) you might need to work on him somewhat. It is worth more than all the bread he can possibly win to have him able to practically help you when you need it: if you're ill, for example, or in the bath, or just need a break - whatever! Two capable parents are, I would say, essential. Otherwise you end up with effectively another child to look after - NOT good. Example: my father-in-law, carrying poopy-diaper child at arms length to my mother-in-law who was lying in bed having a miscarriage. Pathetic. And what's worse is he seems to be proud of that, and ridicules my wonderful husband because he actually does change nappies – even to the point of (to father-in-law’s horror and disbelief!) doing it when I could, in fact, do it myself!

I happen to be OK where I am – for the moment. Life as a full-time mother and wife IS hard, IS pretty unfulfilling on an hour by hour basis, and it’s pretty thankless too. Wait till a day you've been on your feet since 5am or earlier, changing, feeding, washing, cleaning, grocery shopping with kids in tow, no time to even eat any lunch, and your husband comes home at 6pm and has the gall to ask what you've been doing all day because there's no dinner on the table and there are toys everywhere.

I won't conceal that I am concerned about you. Especially since I very much doubt that all these patriarchal ideas come from out of your own head. Left completely alone, I doubt very much that any woman's brain could tell her, "why yes, of course, I should submit to him - he is clearly wiser than I could ever be" any more than a man’s brain could tell him the same about women. Do you really, underneath, believe that?!! Or is it a strong desire on your part to conform to the constricts of the religion you have had the sheer luck (good or bad) to be born or married into? I understand, if so. I do. Same background, same beliefs even. But however strong my beliefs I can't just switch off my own mind to the reality that there is NO reason (not at all, not one under the sun, not even a little one) that men should be the "ruling" sex. There just isn't, and that's it.

Answer 4

How do you know when you are debating with a feminist? A woman with views shouldn't be determined as a feminist. But then again, what is so wrong with being called a feminist? Categorizing people are a just-way to label and move on. I don't think someone with feministic values is an angry person. I think its the unrealistic opinions that don't make sense that angers anyone.

Answer 5

I consider myself a feminist and I'm not angry. Do you not support equal rights for women? Because if you DO, I would consider you a feminist as well. And if you don't, then I might have some other concerns about you.....

Anyway, there are angry people under every label - angry Christians, angry men, angry democrats, angry republicans, angry white women, angry Chinese people - I don't think feminists are any more angry than the rest of the groups. At least not from what I've seen on here.

Wow, some of the people below me have really good answers. They ripped you a new as*hole!

Answer 6

Not me. Men and boys are among my favorite folks. I am for fairness and equal treatment for everyone,and that surely can't automatically make me "angry." However, harmful sexism abounds, and has done so for centuries. I've seen it in action, up close and personal. And where anyone is automatically judged to be somehow lacking based on their race, color, gender, faith, etc. I do object. But don't call me a raging feminist, because I'm not.

Answer 7

A feminist is a feminist because she thinks that women are being treated unfairly. So it is not surprising that her statements are not serene and peaceful.
Of course you can wonder about why a lady would believe that she is not getting a fair deal just because she is a woman. Objective truth? Personal dissaisfaction with what life has to offer her? Perhaps something in-between?

Answer 8

Why do you think most feminists get personal? If it's because you attack feminists and/or their principles just because you don't like them, then the answer is "Like responds to like".

If it's because you have well-researched positions, but they espouse a purely patriarchal point of view, then don't take it personally. Most people responding to those sort of questions aren't angry at *you*, they're angry at *the patriarchy*. When you act as a mouthpiece to it without thinking, most feminists will get frustrated that you're unconsciously or subconsciously aiding what is, via thousands of years of males subjegating female contemporaries and children just because they're born chromosomally XX, your own oppression.

When you ask questions as if all feminists are cisgendered females, people get angry because that's not the case. There are plenty of cisgendered male, transgendered male, and transgendered female feminists as well.

Answer 9

As one of the relentlessly pissed off, allow me to enlighten you...

1. Despite a multitude of evidence that speaks otherwise, I am told I am inferior simply because I have a Vagina.

2. 'Finding a man' is not hard at all. Finding a man that does not expect passivity and 'feminine ladylike-ness" is near impossible. After all this time, there are still expectations of subservience intertwined into our culture, so much so that even those who claim to be 'Equalists' expect such, these, I believe, are hypocrites.

3. My very private uterus is constantly a subject of public debate.

4. Without fail, no matter the debate, I will always be reduced to appearances. "She's fat" "She's ugly" "She's *unattractive*" And not given equal status in a MENTAL debate, for some reason (lol I know the reason, but don't feel like getting into it now) the question of whether I am attractive or unattractive, are 'credentials' (or lack thereof) for debate.

5. I get called a misandrist on a near daily basis without a shred of evidence that indicates that i 'hate' men. My beliefs lay quite the contrary, yet I am boxed into this 'stereotype' if that's what you would like to call it, to tarnish my credibility.

6. As a woman, it is expected of me to be accepted by men. In order to be accepted by said men, I must take a submissive stance, otherwise labeled as an outcast. So be it.

7. I'm in a constant state of conflict within myself between what I believe and what society/men and some women believe. I am attacked for believing as I choose, but welcomed with open arms when believing what 'they' want me to. I am not afforded the opportunity to believe as I so choose and still be accepted.

8. Those that are obviously uneducated in academic gender relations, both publicly and privately, are (both historically and today) revered as 'experts' on no other basis than that they confirm popular opinion despite the flawed research.

9. Caring about women, and women's rights, somehow puts my sexual orientation under the microscope. No one dare ASK what sexual orientation I fall party to, I am stereotyped once again.

10. Women's rights being the only retrograde social movement in history, and why? Not men, rather WOMEN who feel women's rights are somehow 'unnecessary'.

And many many many more reasons..........

Answer 10

I'm not angry. I am quite happy. Sorry to burst your bubble, little lady. I think people just get angry with you because, well, you're kind of annoying, but that has more to do with your Biblethumping, so I guess you could call me more of a touchy atheist than anything else.
Anyway, you talk about how debates don't have to be personal, yet all of your posts make assertions and pass judgements that touch directly upon very personal subjects in people's lives. Of course people react to you the way they do.

Answer 11

You call it anger when it really is that I cannot believe that you, as a woman in the 21st century, has such antiquated ideas of how women should live. Also, you don’t accept that other women have either chosen to work outside the home, or have no choice but to work outside the home. Whatever happened to being supportive of a person’s right to choose what they do with their life?

Why don’t you move in with the Amish – they’re more your style, anyway.

EDIT: Ah, c`mon LippingAround/Afterbirthof you/Pouseé, you know you love me!