continuing the last question.. Just 2 day before the marriage she told me that she has a boyfriend and she doesnt want to marry..Than i refused for the marriage but all the preparation was done for marriage .so from her side every body started crying even she also started crying to marry(may be family pressure ). I did afterwards warning her forget his boyfriend after marriage..she agreed..after 1 month I took her to meet her boyfriend last time..but there she refused to come along with me..
2007-09-25 04:42:31 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I m sure after leaving me also she will not be happy because during this period I have loved her like a mad person..so after going there also she will face the same problem by not forgetting me...Will this poison will remain in my life for hole life..She is very beautiful but i am less than her..her boyfriend is better looking person than me....please help me to get out of this..i have good career but every thing is getting spoiled due to this..
2007-09-25 04:56:08 · update #1
even if she says that she will make married life good but than i feel that she is getting forced due to society.. what to do ..even if i say you go than also she is not going ..what to do...
2007-09-25 05:02:06 · update #2
May be she is not leaving me because she doesnt want to spoil my life....I am not getting courage to leave her , may be because she is not confident or whenever i do something she takes back her stands( means refuses to leave me)..
I just want to know from experience of you people ,,will she be happy after leaving me ?? because she respects me but not sure about 100 % love to me..
If she will be happy than i am ready to leave her(either politely or harshly) ..without bothering about my love to her...
just suggest me something by looking her happiness only..
2007-09-25 20:44:59 · update #3
I have read both your questions & on the onset let me tell you very frankly that you both are still not so mature, rather you seems more immature in your approach. What happened in her life before your marriage was a different story, but now after this marriage, all your assumptions & presumptions regarding her coping with the present situation are all baseless & without a proper understanding of the matrimonial life which now you both live in. Time is the best healer & it will be your love & affection that only make her understand the importance of this matrimonial life. You have to give her more time & make her forget her past. You should not carry any misunderstanding with regard to her previous relationship & stop the game of assumption & presumption about her happiness & coping life with you. When she understand now that breaking of such marriage is not good for her, then why you even purpose such thing to her? You better make her happy with you loving company & make it a point to go out together every weekend for leisure hunting. The time will make you more mature in your approach. Once she is pregnant & bears your child her concentration will be more towards her motherhood, so think on those lines too. Having a baby makes a big difference in the life of the couple. Here all the sorrow in life gets dissolved in the smile of the newborn & parents hardly get time to think about the past. This is the only parental advice I can give you both as you both are young & like my children.
2007-09-25 17:13:55 · answer #1 · answered by vijay m Indian Lawyer 7 · 7⤊ 1⤋
This is not an easy question. I will try and answer though...
At first instance, leaving her is not the only solution, as that will make you completely unhappy (you don't want to lose her rite?)... secondly, if you lose her, what is the probability that the other person who loves(loved) your wife will take care of her properly... If you are unable to accept a person who had a boy friend in the past, will a person who loved the same way accept her knowing that she was married in the past.? Phone calls and everything that are going on between them might make her feel confident that he will take care, but the truth is, he is also a man...he will not be able to accept it. That is 100% sure. Do not make things worse... Settle down.. theres so much life ahead... Show her the love that you have on her... If beauty was the only criteria, half of the Indian marriages/relationships never would have happened, Love and marriage are eternal... If he was so serious about loving her, he would not have her let go to marry you... He definitely will not love her same as before.. Don't part. Talk to your wife openly about how you feel and let her know that you are into trouble deciding the things... Give her the options... explain the consequences... never give up with your relation...
2007-09-25 05:55:53 · answer #2 · answered by Gopi Krishna L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont get an inferiority complex because of your appearence, woman are made attractive by nature only so that they can attract the male of the species. This physical beauty serves no other purpose. Women may care about beauty in a man at a superficial level but they really dont care that much about it.
Dont worry if she loves you 100% or not, a woman can spend the rest of her life with a man she does not love if her needs are met. Its just the way women are. Dont try to measure feelings because they cant be quantified.
If you are attracted to her physical beauty then keep her and enjoy her beauty but dont expect her to love you 100%because she wont. Anyway there are very few women who love their husbands 100%.
It appears that you still love her even after knowing everything about her past. I think you will be miserable without her and since she is not ready to leave on her own, it would be better for the both of you to forget the past and make a future together. Why do you want to force her to leave when she is not ready to go ? Its her choice to stay or leave and she has chosen to stay, so why do you want to impose your will on her under an assumption that she will be happy with her boyfriend. Just forget the past and dont force your wife to do anything. You can tell her that you wont stop her if ever she decides to leave and leave it at that, dont keep digging up the past all the time it serves no purpose.
2007-09-25 11:26:30 · answer #3 · answered by Pramod R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi buddy,
You are an Indian i guess. Well, you care for your wife and her feelings. That is good.
Lets work it out step by step.
the first effort you ought to make is to sit with your wife in a lonly place. And start the discussion about how deep is her love for her boy friend. You and your wife understand that your marriage was just a family pressure. So, It is better if you can divorce and seperate.
Secondly, go through the pros and cons of such a seperation.
It could be a happy life for her if her boy friend agrees to live with her as her new husband.
It could be an embarassing situation if he refuses.
Thirdly, if she really wants to go and live with him, it is her choice. You are not forcing her. But if she do want to live with you, she should give up on the boy friend.
If at all she is only getting attracted to her boy friend for intercourse, then.. give her a chance to go and check it out with him. Some times it may awaken her eyes that, it is the same with you or with him. It is all about how she feels after all.
After that she may return to you and totally be faithful to you. But only if you are prepared to love her even after that. It is all about taking chances in life. But if you think that is not apropriate, don't even suggest this.
It is always good to talk it over the table or on your pillow than having things eat up your mind. Do not assume anything in this relationship.
Help her to make her choice. Be the companion in her difficult time. Do not thrash her like any one else would do. After all you took the oath to be her husband. Which means a protector. If you fulfill her emotional void, she would never turn away from you. May be she got married to you by force. But she would turn grateful that you accepted her weakness and respected her choice.
Then your marriage will bloom like the garden of rose.
Wish you all the best.
2007-09-25 06:28:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let go and move on mate. Show her that you can live a better life without her. This would make her mad with time though.
You should not have married her in the first place. She wanted the marriage stopped. You should have ended it all there. You don't marry someone because all the preparations were done. You could have ended it there are walked away with your head held high. After all you have nothing to lose.
Any way’s now that you are married, leave her and move mate.
All the best!!
2007-09-25 06:49:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she loves her boyfriend. Maybe, you should consider the option of getting a divorce or an annulment. How long had she been with her boyfriend before she agreed to marry you? I don't know why in the world you even married her knowing all of this. Anyway, I am sorry that this sounds really harsh and all. but, man I feel very sorry for you. Just get out while the getting is good. Best of luck ! I really hope things work out for you.
2007-09-25 04:55:53 · answer #6 · answered by hime_sama 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I will say Just concentrate on your courier which is getting spoilt and ignore your wife for a period do not think about her so that she should realised that she is no more required in your life any more.
By bothering / by talking she will not leave her boyfriend as love is blind and going against the society for love is history. Do not think about the boyfriend whom is goodlooking person in marrage it does not work, Marrages are only dependent on the faith not on goodlooking & sex, sex is only part of it. Let her take decision so that you must not get harmed & guilt for it. If she really needs you will leave boyfriend else will leave you both will help you.
You are confused that she is beautiful, but you are not concentrated on other points here dear
1) She is not reliable with you (which is base of Married life)
2) She is spoiling your life even if you are very loving to her
3) She is cheeting not only you but the person with whom she is in love, also her father & mother
4) Human is known by his beautiful heart not by beauty
Decision is yours, just want to say that do not spil your courier due to this beautiful ugly person in your life. There are many example in our society whom loosed there fame & welth behind those beautiful ugly persons (ladies).
2007-09-25 18:33:04 · answer #7 · answered by Sachin Belokar 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must not be an American. It seems to me that most men wouldn't give a damn about all of the wedding preparations and the family expectations. They would have refused to marry this girl under these circumstances. If I understand you correctly, you gave in and married this girl anyway. Then you told her to forget about her boyfriend, and then a month later you actually made the effort to take your wife to see him. I'm sorry my friend, but I'm afraid that most men in the Western world are not going to understand that at all. Here in the U. S. a man would not have married this woman, and he certainly would not have taken her to see her old boyfriend. You may be from a different culture, but human nature is the same... You are going to have a lot of problems with your wife.
2007-09-25 05:00:29 · answer #8 · answered by mt75689 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think you need to correct your question, your wife was having a boy friend. Since she is married that was only a history. Now forget every thing of that history and stay in present that she is your wife and she is staying with you. Now it is the responsibility of both to live together, happily and keep each of happy. Don't have any other thought. I don't see any problem as of now.
2007-09-27 02:56:02 · answer #9 · answered by Open_Mind 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know ur last question but u r really great, u have respected u elders r u dint want to let go families respect wat ever it may b after knowing abt her u married her ,u gave her one chance but she dint.
But in her point of view its difficult but after marriage she have to 4get him being an Indian its very bad
leave her 4 her way ,why r u wit her leave her n get married to some good once which s good 4 u,her n both d families dont mind wat others think of u, dont bother of sosiety its u r life u shld take a decision soon, r u will b in trouble whn all come to know abt ths
after u r addition infermation :- u 1st know wheather she she likes,respects u r not , talk to her openly know her n leave all u r confussion
"BE HAPPY "
2007-09-25 05:28:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋