Should I be guilty for wanting to leave my husband after 5 years?

Question

My husband went through a mental breakdown. He has since been diagnosed as Psychosis. I have been trying to be there for him. He is a very nice person and willing to do anything for me. He just admitted to me that he cheated with 3 different women. He also admitted to smoking marijuanna. He also admitted to lying to me about drug possession arrest that I had to bail him out with our 4 year old daughter's college savings. He never told me about his mental illness. I heard from a aunt of his that he took medications years ago. I confronted him about it and he denied it. I married him and trusted him and now I am being hit left and right with all these things he feels he should let me know now. I don't guilty because I don't want to be with him because of all the lies and betrayal. I feel guilty because I don't want to be with him and he is mentally ill. I am so unhappy. Do you think I am wrong for making him go back to his mother's house?

Answer 1

He lied. You can't have a relationship based on lies. He isn't the man he pretended to be. Besides that he also cheated. Sorry, go to jail, directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Answer 2

Hon, if he's cheating, doing dope, then leave.. Betrayal is the real deal buster in a marriage..... If marriage is Admiration, Passion, Respect and Trust, the trust for sure is gone with betrayal by the passion getting shared with someone else.... why weren't you outa there then?????, and the respect and admiration are in the toilet too. (How DO you get past the image of the guy pronging another lady????) Sweets, you don't have a marriage, you are a caregiver and a boinking buddy to a jerk. The psychosis aside, hon, you married an a($$)h(ole). Stay if you like it, leave if you think you deserve better.... Every lady deserves a nice man in her life. You don't have one. Don't feel guilty... that's a trip he's laying on you... Get yourself in counseling for a session or two, and you'll see what I mean. You ought to be outa there not because of his mental disorder, but for the betrayal..... Take some paper and a pencil.... you are about to learn lots about this type manipulative behavior...... good luck, hon.

Answer 3

ah this whole situation is just not right, holding back things u should have known before u married was a big mistake on his part, but i can understand him not wanting to tell u about that part of him. now hes diagnosed with phychosis and has cheated on u with 3 different women, thats scary there. in his condition he may have done things to those women that u may not do with him then bring it home to u, he may have tossed thier salads and then came home and kissed u because thats what those kind of crazy people do. so if u want to be subjected to that kind of living stay with him, but u sound like a really nice person that derserves so much more in a relationship, so don't feel guilty ur doing the right thing even for him here, but i would also let him know its over with, but do it in a public place, make sure that u watch out for urself during this break up. take care and the best of luck to u.

Answer 4

Was he like this before? You say you are home all day, do you not work? That may be part of the problem. You feel like you are trapped at home while he is at work. That is very unproductive. If you were disabled in some physical way I would understand buy then you say you are very independent. There are a lot of discrepancies here. You say you want to go out during the weekend. Does he go out with you? Maybe you just don't enjoy his company anymore. It does sound like you have some resentment towards him. Have you tried just sitting down like normal adults and talking about the issues? Does your husband have mental issues? You both need to just sit down and talk about what is going on. Shouting at him is just abusive and unnecessary. Seeing a counselor is a good option.

Answer 5

His mental illness is making you hold back and hesitate from moving on. It is so insensitive of him to reveal all of the ways he has lied to you and cheated on you as a way to relieve his own guilt. A very selfish gesture on his part, yet you said he is a very nice person. He felt safe unloading all his guilt feelings unto you and now you are left feeling hurt, betrayed and guilty for wanting to leave him. He either got his mental illness by abusing drugs or it is heredity. It is not your fault. Just know, you will not be leaving him solely due to his mental illness, you are wanting to leave him because of his past betrayals. Base your decision on this and do not let his mental illness manipulate on what you decide to do. Best of luck to you!

Answer 6

You feel betrayed there is nothing wrong with that. It not that you don't want to be with him because of his illness it's because of the lies that he has told the cheating and no you are not wrong for sending him back to his mother you may need the time apart to get your feelings together. To sort out all the information that he has just slapped you in the face with. What you are feeling is normal and I hope you can get past it all good luck and leave the guilt for him.

Answer 7

He would not want you to know about his mental illness for the simple reason that you might leave him if you come to know about it. That is self preservation. He has admitted to his past mistakes but not to his mental condition. That is understandable. To abandon him because of that is entirely up to you. It's just a pity that he will be left alone, helpless and unloved. Now, that you have known his condition, the very thing that he fears would happen has indeed happened. You have left him at the time he needed you most. Whether you fee guilty or not for this is for you to judge for yourself.

Answer 8

Lies and Betrayal hurt terribly. Been there, done that. But, it's possible for trust to grow again. I don't know about your marriage vows, but mine mentioned something about being there in sickness as well as health. He's ill...he's not intentionally hurting you. Unless he's physically hurting you, or hurting you intentionally, I'd say to do whatever it takes to work through your marriage. It's hard and I understand that, but life is hard and how we keep our promises determines what kind of person you are...your daughter is watching....
I would suggest counseling...if that means separating and getting counseling, then do that. But if you separate, make sure it's for the right reason.

Answer 9

Too many lies and cheating already that cannot be justified only by saying "I'm mentally ill". He knew it even before being with you...!!! And now he comes to you many years later to say "I did this and that" and expects to be "understood" and empathized with only because of his illness??? NO WAY..... you shouldn't feel any guilt, he has harmed you enough already and you should go away before he causes any further damage, to your or your kid. If hee's sick, tough...... he has family who will most probably take care of him properly, it's not like you're dumping him to the middle of the street.... move on and live your own life without this jerk!!!

Answer 10

Normally I would say that people in a marriage now a days don't try or put any effort in to their marriage that's why divorce rate is so high but DAMN! with all those lies and affairs I would not blame you if you left him. In my opinion there shouldn't be lies in a relationship and I would not put up with a partner if he cheated on me not even once.

Answer 11

If he cheated three times, that's enough. Forget about everything else.

It's sad he is ill, but if other things aren't working out (he was in jail, the drugs etc), you dont' need the misery or drama.

Your situation is about a lot more than him being ill.. It's a shame he's sick, that's for sure.

take care of YOU right now. hugs