I have three step children who have learned from their mother to hate me.?

Question

I am kind to them, buy them things, cook for them and am there for them if they need me. They tell me to shut up, that I am an idiot, stupid and roll their eyes at me when I talk. I think that my disciplining them for the way they treat me will only make things worse, my husband suffers from the guilt of divorce, even though the divorce wasn't his fault, and does nothing to correct them. I thought and hoped that their relationship with me would get better over time, it only seems to get worse and I don't know what to do. My daughter sees their behavior and I have to remind her that she shouldn't act this way also....she thankfully seems to get it. I have been thinking of taking hotel trips with my daughter on the weekends when my step children are here to avoid the stuff that they put me through when they are in our home. What is the answer to the resentment these children feel....?

Answer 1

i am afraid you need to tackle this head on....your husband needs to talk to them and in turn, to his ex-wife. He needs them to know that their behaviour is unacceptable, and if they cannot treat you with the respect yu deserve, then they will be punished. \divorce is never easy, but you need to show a united front with the kids. good luck

Answer 2

Oh god you are living what I went through and still do to some extent. I could write a book on this trust me. Its the hardest thing I have ever been through, but my marriage beat it. Many times I wondered "why did I do this". I have two step children and they were this way to me, and it was never a contest between them and my husband because he loves them as much as I love my own son. So I overlooked alot and learned to just stay away. Its better now cuz they're older but still minors so when my step daughter, who never wanted to let me in, comes around I keep busy with other things. I did all I can do and I have had enough. I understand divorce is tough and they only want mom and dad together, but after 8 yrs its time to try to accept the situation as my son has. My husband also lives with divorce guilt but he has sat them down and told them this is the way it is and that he really loves me. They have no choice but to accept it. Its a tough situation, just hang in there. I think their resentment has nothing to do with you its just that in their eyes your the reason mom and dad aren't together anymore. Its sad but its hard for you I know to live with this. A weekend away might be good, maybe you can tell your husband to have a gentle but "tough love" talk with them while your out. But once you get back you have to stand your ground too. Best of luck to you, I am with you.

Answer 3

If people only realised how very difficult it is to be a step-parent - stepmom or stepdad! I think it's harder being a stepmom - I can empathise with you. These children have been raised by another woman who has different ideals and standards to yours and would find it as difficult to be a stepmom to your children as it is for you.
Unfortunately, stepchildren have a lot of baggage on their shoulders and tend to take their hurt out on the step-parent as a convenient scapegoat. There is also some resentment and jealousy involved, which is normal as they feel that their place with their father has been usurped by you and your children. It puts you in an extremely difficult and challenging situation. You may find this website useful:
www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Supporting-and-Loving-Stepmother
You can do it and one day these stepchildren will grow up and love you for it!!

Answer 4

I have a news flash for you honey: they might have learned from their mother to hate you, but they LEARNED FROM YOUR HUSBAND that it's okay to treat you like crap.

If your husband doesn't have the nuts to stand up and correct this, then you might as well just live with it. You married a man with no nuts.

By the way, WHY does he feel guilty? Was he fooling around before the divorce? If he had legitimate grounds for divorce, there wouldn't be any guilt.

Answer 5

even though you do those things for them...they will not see it that you are a part of their fathers life..."your not my mom" discipline wouldnt be the answer..but a stick to your grounds also...their father does need to take an imitative to make them "behave"...and as far as the divorce not being his fault, there are two sides to every story...those kids may have seen things with their parents that makes them resent you such as false hope of their parents staying together...going to a hotel with your daughter is silly if you ask me...that just shows his kids that you think you and your daughter are to good for them and dont want to be around them

just do the best you can for them...maybe have a heart to heart with their mother...

Answer 6

It's unfortunate that your husband doesn't have the backbone to insist his children treat you with respect. They don't have to love you, but it's your home too, and you shouldn't feel you have to leave it to avoid their poor behavior. Would your husband consider counseling with you and the kids? Maybe with only one or two sessions, some ground rules could be established so at least you could co-exist in peace. Good luck.

Answer 7

Just try to be a loving mother to them in spite of their rowdy behavior. Patience is what you need to get your step daughters to learn to love and respect you through time. It will not be easy but it can be done. Just be gentle to them and do not maltreat them. Treat them as your own. In time, they will accept you as they grow older if you have shown them the proper care and guidance a loving mother should give.

Answer 8

Oh!! Been there!! In my case, the only solution that I could come up with was that I removed myself from the situation. When his kids came over, I left. I made it very clear to him that I would never keep him from his kids or even attempt to do that, but I would not tolerate being disrespected. I told him that he can do whatever he wants with the kids, just don't expect me to participate. He eventually got over the guilt thing and stepped up to teaching the kids basic respect. They didn't have to like me, but the DID have to respect me.

Answer 9

Believe it or not, this is a common problem. Family counseling and couples counseling may help. Family because of the obvious, and couples because there is something going in your relationship with your husband that says, "it ok for my wife to be verbally abused by my daughters because their life is tough" and also, "It's ok for me to be verbally abused by my step-daughters and my husband not to step up and take responsibility for this situation."

Answer 10

Why could you cope with them like your guy or woman? They already have a mom and you have already got infants. even nonetheless the abode policies must be an identical for each guy or woman and that they must be listed and published for all to work out. You, your husband and their therapist could desire to paintings in this jointly. each and all of the infants ought to have an identical outcomes for breaking the policies and those must additionally be published. The disrespect may be addressed in this manner without finger pointing. The fits of rage must be dealt with by ability of utilising wisely accomplished time-outs. (please study the right thank you to to a outing) that's confusing to handle infants who've habit issues, especially in a step-parent difficulty, in basic terms keep in mind the behaviors those infants are showing at the instant are not for my area directed at you. they're directing their discomfort outward and you basically ensue to be a handy objective. grasp in there, it does get greater advantageous!