So, I have been married for a year now and things have changed. My husband has been drinking every night for the past few months. He also is a gambler as well, mostly sports. Lately, between the drinking and the gambling, I feel very distant from him. He has definitely changed, even though he refuses that he has. But, he was always so sweet and so nice to me and would never say anything mean to me. Now, whenever i mention that I am tired of the drinking and the gambling, he gets real defensive and acts like nothing is wrong. We fight everyday and i am so tired of it, but i love him so much. He is not the same person when he drinks, he is kind of an a$$hole and is definitely not as nice as he was before. He ignores me most of the evening while he is gambling or on the phone. His gambling and drinking is really causing major problems in our marriage. What can i do?I have tried over and over again to talk about it to him, but the next day it is always the same thing. Any suggestions?
2007-09-25 03:47:30 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
His vices have not yet interfered with work, he still gets up in the morning and gets to work on time.
2007-09-25 03:48:51 · update #1
I got him to stop the gambling for about a month because he had overdrawn himself about $1500. I closed all of our joint accounts as well. But, his father got him right back into gambling.
2007-09-25 03:58:40 · update #2
Intervention......
2007-09-25 03:52:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In our dojang I see this all the time. I am actually the example you put forward. I attend class with my two sons. Youngest is 10 and the eldest is 13, I myself am 33. I'm the one who takes it seriously while my eldest just goes through the motions and my youngest sees it as fun. We all started at the same time four years ago. I am a red belt, my eldest is a blue belt and my youngest is a green tip. (He is in no hurry to grade because he can't test for his black until at least 14). My eldest hasn't progressed past blue because he isn't taking it seriously enough. That is the key right there. At some stage you have to take it seriously or you will get to a certain point and go no further. It isn't easy all the way through to black. Our gradings take training performance into account and my instructor has no qualms about refusing to grade you if he doesnt see the effort, or he is correcting the same thing over and over again. We have to take it serious at some stage and you aren't going to do something for years if you are just there to relieve boredom. Saying this though we do have a lot of fun in class with games that focus on balance and reflexes so it is not all serious martial arts. I don't think there is a better way to differentiate between the serious student and the hobbiest because eventually the training itself eliminates the students who aren't taking it as serious as they should. Time always tells.
2016-05-18 01:13:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can attend meetings at Al-Anon. You can also look into meetings for Gamblers Anonymous and Addictive personalities. You can't force your husband to go, but you can attend and get the support you will need to deal with this mess.
And while you are getting counseling, I suggest you close all joint accounts and keep your finances separate. If you don't, your husband will blow through all the money in a matter of months.
2007-09-25 03:52:57 · answer #3 · answered by kja63 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A functioning degenerate gambler and alcoholic. Lady...if he isn't going to make any effort to change, move on and out. I realize this is easier said than done but why hold onto him as he sinks? So he can pull you down as well? by the time you come to grips with leaving you may be to the point of living in a cardboard box at the rate of money he's losing. And believe me....bookies don't stay in business so HE can make money.
2007-09-25 03:53:57 · answer #4 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The alcohol and gambling is consuming him and if he refused to get help...you should leave him because the situation will NOT get better. He will eventually use bill money to pay for gambling. He will blow your kdis education funds (if and when you have them) He may becaome violent because of your displeasure with his bullsh*t. You need to sit him down and make him chose between you and the bullsh*t.
2007-09-25 03:51:45 · answer #5 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gambling and alcoholism are two addictions. I would suggest that you go to ALANON to learn about addiction and your role within it all.........you are in a huge mess it sounds like to me. I have known men who have straightened out their lives from this duel addiction and gone on to become great husbands.....he will need your help, in order to help him you will have to truly understand what you are dealing with.
2007-09-25 03:51:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to try to get him to go to counseling...either on his own or with you. It's only going to get worse and at some point it may start affecting his job...especially the drinking. I hate to say it but if he won't stop or go to counseling for you...he isn't worth being with...you deserve better.
2007-09-25 03:56:55 · answer #7 · answered by hkryan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to talk with his family and try and see if they might try and help. have you heard of the show intervention? you guys need on that show for real. and tell your husband that it needs to stop or you are walking out on him. and tell him if he loves you he wont let you walk out that door... but most of all i know you love him and all but he has to realize he is losing the woman he says he loves. and if he dont it really aint ment to be.
2007-09-25 03:55:48 · answer #8 · answered by tommysgurl_4502214 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to decide how long you will tolerate it. He won't change unless he decides too. If he doesn't see the problem....he WON'T change.
At some point you are going to leave. So all you have to do is decide when.
2007-09-25 04:05:24 · answer #9 · answered by Big Red 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, how long did you know him before you got married, I'm sure this isn't something he just started doing, you are probly just noticing it now.
2007-09-25 03:51:11 · answer #10 · answered by kevinitisii 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe see if he will go to counseling with you as this sounds like a problem that you both need to talk about with somone
2007-09-25 03:51:01 · answer #11 · answered by oh_jo123 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋