We are very much into each other and have very long-term plans, but a big, reactionary blowout where we both got uncharacteristically mean and pointed in our remarks toward each other got us to that point where it seems we were both arguing against a different person from who we fell in love with. To the point where, involved in the discussion after we cooled off, the "I don't know if I can be with someone who talks to me like that/feels like that" came into play. We both want to work it out and we are focusing on us long-term (realizing that,if we get married, there will be a LOT bigger episodes we have to get thru) so we've decided to learn from it and let it go, but inside, it seems like something died right there, at least in these first 2-3 days after the fight. To you folks who are in long-term relationships/married...does this pass? Any advice? Right now, everything that was so natural before, like a regular conversation, just seems weird and I'm very self-conscious. HELP!
2007-09-25 03:06:43 · 5 answers · asked by rlfesty 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is a normal reaction to a big fight. You have both seen sides of each other you didn't know existed. A relationship takes work. If you are really into her, you must (and hopefully she will too) do anything and everything you can to build up the good feelings again. Buy her flowers, a card, take her on a night on the town, ... do whatever you can. Be extra sweet to her. She should respond the same way. This way you can build back up what you had. Good luck.
2007-09-25 03:13:00 · answer #1 · answered by Jennifer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem with words is that, once they are spoken, you can't take them back. Oh, you can tell each other that you are sorry, but those words will linger for the rest of your relationship. Realizing that, perhaps you two should talk openly about what was said and how you both need to control your words if you fight again. Agree to walk away in the heat of an argument instead of lashing out at each other.
Open communication about what you are feeling and where you want to go with this will help resolve your unsettled feeling.
2007-09-25 10:14:50 · answer #2 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One....I despise people who react on emotions and don't think. You two knuckleheads started in on one another and fed off one another's emotions and reacted to it. You never get anywhere that way and as you've found out, can't take back stupid things that should have never been said in the first place.
In the future try and be analytical in your arguments. Being calm and logical and making a point that is fact and not venom will carry you much further than the two of you acting like little girls pulling one anothers hair and kicking each other in the shins.
2007-09-25 10:21:22 · answer #3 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is normal to feel that way for several days after a fight. And it sounds like yours was ugly. Learn from this - don't say anything you can't take back. Choose your words carefully. IF you're angry about something don't let it fester. Cool off first, then discuss the problem rationally. All couples have problems but if you can't communicate them, you're going to have lots more fights like that one.
2007-09-25 10:28:40 · answer #4 · answered by LB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
every relationship is going to have some growing pains.your not married yet,so i would advise some pre-marital counseling.this does not mean anything is wrong,its like a check-up. Discuss with council issues that are tough,like finances,sex, kids,or anything that concerns your heart.And remember every part of a relationship is different,the beginning has many different layers that will unfold and bring you closer, just love one another with out placing and unrealistic expectations on one another.When we place our expectations on another person it is just not fair,because they have no idea of the expectation you placed on them.
2007-09-25 10:36:16 · answer #5 · answered by jj 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋