Divorce or Not?

Question

I have been married for 1 1/2yrs. My husband is very controlling and mental abusive. He is always telling me I am hateful and b***h all the time. When I tell him I am going to leave he just says get the f**k out. The only problem is we have a 11 month old baby. It isnt fair to her but I know things with us is never going to get better. I have been with this man for 4 yrs now.

I am 21 and he is 34. I have no life now. He never wants to go out. He never spends time with our baby. He has never helped in feeding her or giving her a bath. He said she has girl parts she he cant give her a bath. He has two other children as well that I spend more time with than he does.

My question is should I get out or not? He want sit down to talk things out because he said I have a problem not him. PLEASE HELP!!!!

Please dont give me smart answers.I need good honest answers.

Answer 1

I understand that you don't want to take your daughter from her father, but on the same note it's not a good environment for her, or you. You might need to seperate for a while and see if it gets any better for atleast a year. I don't know your religion preference, but I reccomend christian counseling. Some people believe that you have to submit to your husband no matter what, but that is not true! If he is abusing you mentally then that is not God's will and you do not have to submit to that or remain there under those circumstances. In the Bible it says wives submit to your husband as is fitting to the Lord, and Husbands love your wives and do not be bitter towards them, this is in Colossians 3:18,19. I will be praying for you and your family.

Answer 2

.
It may well be that you both have a problem, but he'll never know what his problems are unless you both sit down to talk. In fact, you yourself may have some issues in this relationship, and listening to him might give you some insight.

All of the things that you name about him are certainly bad. His disrespect of you, his refusal to take part in the care of your child together, his controlling attitude. All of these things need to be fixed, or you need to move on without him.

The question to ask yourself is this: Would my life be better without him, worse without him, or about the same? And, although it's difficult to do, try to leave money out of the equation. No amount of money or support that he provides makes it worthwhile being his doormat. If he can provide for you and your child, then he will be legally required to do that whether or not you remain married to him.

If you'd be better off without him, then it may be time to move on. The fact, though, that he wants to sit down and talk may be a good sign. Maybe he is willing to change his bad behaviors to save your marriage.

My advice is to sit down and talk to him, particularly since you say that he is the one asking for this. If he truly seems open to hearing bad things about himself and offers to change, then maybe it's worth doing. If, however, he just wants to use this talk as a way to complain about you some more, then you can see that he is never going to change. Time then to get a good lawyer (which he will also have to pay for if you have no other means of support).

It's a tough spot, but you're doing the right thing by taking some action. Good luck.
.

Answer 3

Seems that you would have known about his personality before you married him and had his baby. What a shame you are in this mess. Sounds like things won't get better if he is blaming you and won't talk about it. I doubt he would agree to marriage counseling. If you leave, hopefully you can bring your 11 month old up with a better life. If you marry again in the future, make sure you let God guide you to one who lives a Christian life and knows how to treat others. Then, for sure your child will have the right kind of example of what a father should be.

Talk to your pastor, if you belong to a church. If not, join one and have a good church family to support you and for your child to grow up with.

Answer 4

I would sit down and have the talk. Tell him exactly what needs to change..give him a month or two. If nothing has changed get out fast for the sake of your baby and you. You will find a better man and life..and may wished you would have gotten out sooner:) things will be ok

Answer 5

This man isnt going to change you heard it from his mouth your the one with the problem and he's right the problem is him. Think of your daughter do you think she should grow up thinking its okay for a man to treat a woman like that should she grow up thinking thats the way her husband should treat her. I'm not a fan of divorce but when it is a toxic hostile environment it is bad for the children and they are always the top priority

Answer 6

Don't make the mistake so many people make "staying for the kids" Do you really want your daughter to be raised around a man that is abusive? Stop the cycle now!!!!. If you don't someday she may grow up and find herself in the same situation because she watched her mom do it. Please give your daughter a chance at a happy and healthy home. Please seek help for you and your child and get away from the abuse!!!!!

Answer 7

I can't think of any healthy reason to stay. Put your child first and think of thier future and your answer should be clear as a bell. When you leave, you will be happier and healthier than now, so you will be a better parent for it. Do the right thing. Good luck.

Answer 8

He is not your enemy he is your husband so try to communicate with him and love him, he will love you too...

Answer 9

help yourself !!!!!