I've been married for five years, just found out that my husband cheating. should I stay with him?

Question

He cheated for about a year. He said that she means nothing to him, otherwise he would be with her if he cared about her. He says he is very sorry and that I'm the only one he would ever love. He says that he made a promise to himself not to ever do something that would hurt and end our marrige. I dont know what to do? I do love him and we have a beautiful daughter....

Answer 1

Most of the married men who cheat usually enjoy having their cake and eat it. Which means that when they do enjoy having a bit on the side, they wouldn't dream of leaving their wife.
So, it's up to you to decide what you want to do.
If you do love him, it's fair to give him another chance, but you should let him know that it's the last he'll ever get.
You can't always control what someone can do, so you have to think carefully of WHAT you can do.
Making A mistake is only human. Doing it TWICE, is a choice and a lack of consideration for your feelings and for you as a person.
Good luck.xx

Answer 2

That depends on you. Can you forgive him? You cannot have a relationship without trust. Can you agree to put this behind the two of you? If this keeps coming up in arguements months or even years down the line, then he may feel like he will never be able to win with you, and that everything he does is wrong. Which will push him away. If you two are to move forward and continue with your marriage, you both need to put this in the past. I'm not saying forget it, just leave it alone (unless it starts back up).

There are two things that i have found over the years that a relationship MUST have: trust and communication. You have to keep both up or you're doomed to fail. One thing you should think about before deciding anything, is why did he cheat? If there was some breakdown in your communication, maybe you can fix the problem. I'm not saying hound him with Q and A all the time, but just take a greater interest in what interests him. You might even find it give the two of you something to do together. And if it does, then maybe ask him to try something with you.

But most important of all, if this has happened before this time, like when you were dating, the it probably could happen again. Dont stay in a relationship thats only one-sided. If the only reason you're staying with him is because you love him and also for you daughter, and not because of him loving you, then something is wrong. You both have to contribute.

Answer 3

You have two choices here. You either stay and try to work things out with your husband or you leave. There is no in between. It is black and white. Basically, no one can make that decision for you. You know whether you love this man enough to forgive what he did and move on.
If you choose to stay, I strongly suggest counseling. It is always good to talk to a neutral party who knows nothing of your situation.
Discuss with your husband why he cheated. Unless he is a heartless cheat, most of the time an affair it triggered by a lack of something emotional or psychological.
If you choose to stay all you can do is try to put the past where it belongs....in the past. Just love each other and treat each other like you first met. I know very few couples that would even think of cheating on their partner in the first 6 mo of the relationship. Why is that? Well, when you think about it each person is giving 100% of their time, effort, attention, admiration, respect, etc, etc. If you choose to stay, work on making your marriage the best it can be. The honeymoon can last a lifetime, but we have to work at it. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Answer 4

Wow, a year is a long time. First, I would make darn sure he ended ALL CONTACT with her before I would even think of forgiving him. You need to find out why he felt the need to seek out another woman knowing that you and his child could have left him in a split second when you found out. Was he just being plain selfish? Also, the fact he is saying she meant nothing to him; well - a year of meaning nothing to him just doesn't add up. If he is able to show you by actions, words and deeds that he means what he is saying to you now, then you can rebuild, but if it is just a temporary 'fix' so you and his child won't leave him, then it won't work. Let him put some action behind the words first - if he is being true to what he confesses, then you can make a new start. Keep your eyes wide open for awhile; only time will tell if he is true to his committment. Only then will you be able to make a decision.

Answer 5

Not worth your time or energy. He cheated for a year. Did he tell you or did someone else? You deserve better than that. I am very sorry to hear about this for you and your daughter. Normally when children are involved i would say counseling for the man and woman but he cheated for a year and he was using you in every way possible, i mean he hide the fact that long. Please take care of that beautiful daughter, she needs your love and support. I really hope things work out for you. God bless and good luck.

Answer 6

"She means nothing to me"....other than getting laid in other words. What a foolish comment to make to you. As if that heals the wound.

Alright...so you love him and you both have a kid together. What do you think? Think that you can resume life again with him? Naturally this thing will eat at you so you may wish to avoid broaching it as a subject. No matter what you ask...like 'why?' the answer will not be satisfactory. If you think its worth holding together then do so. You'll always keep one eye out for any signs of a relapse and it'll take eons to regain trust in him but if you're that adamant and confident you can make it work then don't trash the marraige. Keeping it together is a good sign and means you can rationalize and not act on emotions like a lot of knuckleheads here do.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that things get back on track for you.

Answer 7

HELLO he was w/ her for a year... Ya ok he don't care about her and if u believe that then I'm sry and thats why he cheated on u... Ok he says u'd be the only 1 he'd ever love ya this day and age love and sex don't have to go together... He also made a promise to be committed to u and only u and he broke that so what makes him so different now??

I understand if he had a 1 nightstand but come on he was screwing her for a year!!

Answer 8

I am really, really sorry that you are going through something as awful as your husband cheating on you. It is one of the cruelest things a person can do.

I don't blame you for a moment for not knowing what to do. Whether you can forgive him, and re-gain the trust you once had in him -is ultimately something you will have to decide. I'm sure this is and will be one of the hardest and most painful things you will ever have to deal with.

I think that finding out your spouse is cheating would be almost as painful as suddenly losing someone very close to you -especially if you trusted that person. Because once they cheat, you have in essance lost the person you thought they were, the person you thought you could trust. You lose that person to the person you come to find out they really are.

You lose the person, and you lose trust. Losing trust in your spouse is hellish. This is after all the person you made one of the biggest promises of your life to. You put your life and heart in his hands and he took advantage of your trust and broke his promise.

I believe that trust like that is almost impossible to re-gain. I also think that cheating on your spouse is sociopathic, and evidence of a seriously flawed and dangerous personality.

I don't know if you were married in the church, but his promise in marriage was not only a promise to you, but a promise to God as well. I also don't know how important that is to you, but it is something to think about. I mean, if he's telling you he made a promise to himself, I would say that those words mean very little considering he didn't keep his promise to you or to God... think about it.

He not only put your heart and emotional well-being in jeopardy, but he put your health in jeopardy as well. That is one reason I say that a person who cheats is dangerous, or has a dangerous personality.

Another thing to think about is the fact that you have a daughter. Ask yourself how he would react if his daughter were grown and her husband cheated on her. I'm sure it would be unacceptable to him, yet there is a switch in him that allows him to turn off his own moral compass, and behave differently than he would ever agree is acceptable. -again, a flawed and weak personality.

So while the decision is one that only you can ultimately make, I will go ahead and say that you would be doing yourself an injustice by continuing your marraige.

You are worth so much more than this. You kept your promise and are valuable, he is cheap, you can find people of low, or no principle anywhere.

There is nothing wrong with you. He is flawed. He is a lier, and has weak morals.

So don't hesitate to find a good therapist, or someone to talk to on a consistent basis to help you get through this.

Don't hesitate to find a good attorney, and to take him for everything he's worth for you and your daughter. Remember, he put you at great risk, he could have brought home HIV.

Remember, he promised to love and cherish you. He broke that promise, and don't think for a moment that all men are like this, because there are many men out there that take those promises very seriously, and you are worth enough to deserve someone like that.

Good luck....

Answer 9

I know how you feel. I was married for 2 years and found out my husband had been cheating for 8 months. There is alot more to it but in the end I left him and surprise surprise he is with her now.. In my eyes once the trust is gone it is hard to regain and you have to be willing to work at something that may ultimately fail....
Good luck with everything

Answer 10

So you're considering staying with him so your daughter can see that daddies aren't supposed to respect and love mommies.
That's got to be the most f'ed up logic I've ever heard.
He did it for a YEAR - he wanted to get caught because he wanted OUT. He doesn't love or respect you.
Staying with a man like that would be the stupidest thing you could do.
Make him go to an AIDS clinic and get tested, he's probably diseased.