My brother currently has custody of his daughter. The mother is trying very hard to get custody back. I believe the mother should have it. I believe I have information that would help the mother to get it. Should I tell her what I know? My brother is currently living w/ a woman who is still married! My brother is into porn and even watches it when the daughter is in the same room! My brother has even watched porn on my computer, leaving all the traces of it behind for my children to see...!!! clearly, he has some serious issues that the court should know about! Should I go to his ex-wife and tell her all of this? I don't care if he's my brother, it's what's best for the child...
2007-09-25 01:19:44 · 26 answers · asked by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I should add that the mother lost custody due to lack of communication on her part, it was nothing "horrible" like drugs or prostitution or anything like that.
2007-09-25 01:35:37 · update #1
Wow. That's some twisted drama you got there.
I think you should help the mother. But first I think you should tell your brother what you think of him in a calm way. If he goes all ballistic you should just leave the house, let him cool down.
Your brother is one hell of a jerk. How can he do that?
Men...*mutters*
I def think the mother should get the child. If this is how your brother is going to act, I think he should not get the child. He can't have this attitude like this. And he definietly shouldn't be watching porn when the kid is around. Definietly not.
The mother seems like the best option for the child.
2007-09-25 01:25:31 · answer #1 · answered by tlbff 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋
As caring as it is for you to want to do this , depending on the laws in your state , you may not be able to stand and give evidence in a child custody case involving a blood relative because the judge would see it as biased opinion and wipe it which could harm her more then help her. I know this sounds ridiculous but families fight then they make up thats why the system wont allow family members to stand for either side.
maybe if a friend of your's happened upon your brother doing this then that friend could possibly say let it slip , but only if that friend is willing to stand in a court of law and state this.But then that's breaking the law called purgery if they never actually witnessed the said acts.Its a catch 22 I'm afraid.
2007-09-25 08:49:47 · answer #2 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well done you have got your priorities right. The child is the most important person in all of this. You could tell your brother that you don't think he should have custody. Say to him that the child is better off with the Mum as girls need their Mum. Tell him that you don't approve of the lifestyle he has and that you are willing to stand up in court and tell them that. It may be that he doesn't realise what a good father should be doing, or he may just not be suitable. He may decide that you are right, if you handle this well and hand the child back to the Mum. If not then it will be up to the judge. Most of the time they will rule in favour of the Mum anyway unless there are reasons against her as well.
Whatever happens it is going to be a hard journey for you because you are going against your Brother. I hope that he understands why you are doing this. If he hates you for it, that's the price you have to pay.
2007-09-25 08:26:32 · answer #3 · answered by samicles 3 · 2⤊ 3⤋
This is pretty serious, but she would have to prove it in court.
Also, the entities to be, Mediation or whomever created the custody, generally will not reconsider their original decision.
Without proof of 'physical' abuse.
This is the way it was 14 years ago so double check the laws may very well have changed.
2007-09-25 08:26:17 · answer #4 · answered by Dionannan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes,if I were you I would tell the ex what you know.I know that sounds horrible but it's whats best for the child Right?But if your brother found out that would cause problems between you two.Just be careful how you go about it.
2007-09-25 09:06:33 · answer #5 · answered by flavagirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Where children are concerned you have to be totally objective....none of this is about the parents....its about the child and where she would be better taken care of. The child is always the main priority and if you think the child is at risk of any kind living with her father, then it is your responsibility to do something about it. I think, to be a responsible member of society, we all need to care about the rights of children regardless of what relationship we have to their parents. This child needs to be looked out for and if you are the only one who knows what the real story is, then you would be doing the child a disservice by not divulging what you know. You must protect the child.
2007-09-25 08:34:20 · answer #6 · answered by rightio 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes you should, your neice is more important than your brother in this situation. Since you are a mother also think of how you would feel if your childrens father got custody and was doing those things in front of them. Wouldn't you want someone to step in and do the right thing? Your brother will get over it, do the right thing.
2007-09-25 08:28:26 · answer #7 · answered by ○•○•Cassie•○•○ 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Watching porn won't cause him to loose custody, though if you deny your brother's right to see his child go behind the back of your own family, you may ostracize yourself from your family and make your own life much worse. If you do this to your brother, he will hate you forever and never forgive you, so ask yourself: is it worth it?
Everyone has skeletons in their closet, what if the mother has worse ones than your brother? If you intervene, you MIGHT slightly help your niece, but even that is a gamble because its impossible for anyone to predict the future and know what is best for her. Here is what you risk: your brother hating you, your niece hating you, your parents hating you, and pretty much anyone who finds out what you did hating you. People do not like hearing about someone going behind the back of their own flesh and blood. My advice: talk to your brother! Do what you can to help him be a better father, and then butt out. That's as much as you can do, anything else is destructive.
2007-09-25 08:24:45 · answer #8 · answered by Colin 2 · 4⤊ 3⤋
I am sorry for your brother and I know it must be very hard for you to "betray" him or it might look like an intervention in ones private life. But waching the porn in a child presence is not a private issue, and I think it is OK to warn your sex ister-in-law and court.
2007-09-25 08:53:16 · answer #9 · answered by Aurora 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
if you truly believe it's what's best for the girl and you are so adamant that you don't care if it ruins your relationship with your brother, then by all means....go to the mother and tell her that he does these things.
at first i didn't see a problem with him watching porn....many/most people do...however, that's something kept away from children. he should NOT be watching in front of his daughter or leaving traces around for kids to see.
as for living with this married woman....well, that happens all the time.
BUT, if you really feel mom is the ebst for the kid, then i would butt in.
2007-09-25 08:30:47 · answer #10 · answered by joey322 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋