I have a 13 year old son, who has many friends (same age) in our neighborhood. He and his friends are great kids who spend lots of time outdoors playing sports instead of video games all the time. Recently, a new kid moved on our block, 15 years old named "Dustin". Dustin has bad manners, is openly sexually active and smokes cigarettes in front of my son and his friends. Even though we have asked our kids to stay away from Dustin, it doesn't stop Dustin from coming around them. Yesterday, one of my sons friends got busted by the police for making out with his new G'friend (hand up shirt) in public. He also got caught with cigarettes. While my son wasn't involved, the son who got into trouble's mother and I are trying to figure out a way to make Dustin leave these kids alone. We found out yesterday he has been peer pressuring the boys to smoke and have sex. Any ideas? We can't keep the kids locked inside forever.
2007-09-24 23:29:19 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Let me please add for those of you suggesting to ground/use corporal punishment for my son - he didn't do anything wrong, and is totally against cigs and sex as we have steered him on to the straight and narrow. He had just joined the boys when the officers were placing two of the kids in the car. I am well aware that "telling" the good kids could make them rebel. We have met "Dustin's" parents who are rude and keep a violent pit bull inside the house, so our kids are NOT ALLOWED to visit there for those reasons as well. I guess my question should be, do we go to Dustin's parents to keep him away from our kids??
2007-09-25 00:08:34 · update #1
There is a fine line with a parent who needs to know, when to and when not to intervien with the kids.
If the other neighbor kids parents are also unhappy with these bad boys. Send a neighborhood letter signed by all asking the kid to hang out elsewhere. I had to do that several years ago. Also the neighbors keept a close on all the kids.
If the law ever becomes involved. that is a good time to put your two cents in.
2007-09-24 23:39:49 · answer #1 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think that there is very little Dustin's parents will do to help you. By the sounds of it, they are a huge part of this child's problems. Probably the best thing you can do is work with the other parents to plan activities for the kids where you will keep them away from Dustin. Only allow the kids to go to houses where the parents are home. Make it clear that Dustin is not allowed at any of your homes. And enforce it. Maybe all you parents could take turns organizing outtings for the kids...the mall, movies, bowling, a park.
You can also allow Dustin to come on some of these outtings...the ones where there will be constant supervision...like say the bowling alley where the kids are on one lane and the parents are right next to them. But be sure to explain that smoking and other bad behavior will not be tolerated on the trip. If he does act out, take him home right away. Maybe he's just acting out because he needs attention. You all can be a good influence to him in without it harming your kids good behavior.
Third and finally, sit down with your kids and discuss with them. Explain about the consequences of the behaviors Dustin is participating in. Don't exagerate to scare them. Be honest and give supporting evidence. Explain to them about how having sex can lead to pregnancy and diseases. Teach them about the bad things that come from smoking (maybe you have an older relative that smoked that can talk to them about how bad it is and how hard it was for them to quit). And keep encouraging them towards the bright futures it sounds like they are heading towards.
2007-09-25 01:27:56 · answer #2 · answered by princess_dnb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right, you can't keep them locked up, but I don't think you can do much to keep Dustin away either. You are going to have to rely on what you've taught your kids so far and continue to reiterate your expectations for behavior. It's the best you can do. By the way, I understand that Dustin is the primary source for your worry at this point, but from a slightly different perspective I have to remind you that whether you know it or not, your kids see this kind of behavior every single day. Dustin cannot be wholly responsible for being the bad influence on your son and his friends.
2007-09-24 23:39:26 · answer #3 · answered by jingles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
make it clear to your son that any type of behavior you don't like will NOT be tolerated. ground him-take the things he enjoys most away from him.
talk to him about drugs and sex. explain to him what the consequences of doing both are.
have a talk with this boy's mother. if you get nowhere with that-try using the police as an outlet.
find a place where you can take the kids to play that is away from this boy (park nearby, indoor skaterink, skateboard park,etc).
but, keep in mind that this isn't the only "dustin" your son is going to run into in his lifetime and he needs to be taught now how to handle the "bad eggs" in life.
be proactive in stopping a confrontation between dustin and the other boys if you see it happening. tell him (very loudly and very openly) that he's not welcome around your child and that he needs to leave or police will be called.
i wish you luck!!
2007-09-24 23:38:10 · answer #4 · answered by prncessang228 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your son sounds like he's doing great. Obviously this is worrying for you. I think about the only thing you can do is to continue to support your son and make sure he knows that you are proud of him for not succumbing to peer pressure.
The best way to get Dustin to leave the kids alone is surely for them to show him what they think of him. If their reaction (as a group) to him trying to get them to smoke is to laugh and tell him not to be so stupid, the peer pressure will work the other way. If they're simply not interested in anything he says and does, showing off to them will soon become boring for him.
Not sure what you mean by "openly sexually active" but if he is breaking the law then call the police.
2007-09-25 01:32:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am a 13 year old girl and recently the same thing happened to me. A girl named Trisha moved to our neighbourhood. She smoked and did pot whenever she could get it. She had a boyfriend who was 15 almost 16 and they had pretty much done everything except sex. She told me and my friends that her boyfriend was so cool, and hand jobs and blow jobs and stuff like that was great and is really cool. She gave us cigarettes and told us it was cool to smoke them. I admit, yes we did smoke them and yes we might have gone a little further then we normally would have with our Bfs. But after about a month of her being here, we realized that we didn't like any of the stuff we were doing and we asked her to stop. We told her, she could keep doing stupid stuff, but we weren't gonna do it anymore. Our parents never got involved and thank god because if they did, we'd have to do all those things we didn't want to to show them we don't have to listen to them. For instance. If our parents told us we had to go to bed at 9:00 we'd have to stay up until at least 10:00 to show them we didn't have to listen to them. We figure out things on our own, and learn from or own mistakes. We need to do it ourselves, we can't let anybody do it for us.
2007-09-25 00:17:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son is 13, you don't ask him not to do something, you tell him what to do. Society today has become way to complacent on what childrens "rights" are. You are the parent, and you are the one who is supposed to guide your son down the right path. Start by explaining to him why you don't want around this other kid, if he continues to befriend him, you start taking things away (cell phone, Xbox, Computer,.TV) and then go to grounding. He will get the message.
Bonner: I take EXTREME exception to that. A heavy hand will teach your child discipline and what is right from wrong. That is the main thing that is wrong with the world today, everyone running around thinking they can get away with anything because they have never once in their life been told no or disciplined.
2007-09-24 23:34:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you could invite Dustin to your home and talk to him. Get your son in other activities that are away from him. Or just make your son come home when this delinquent is around.
2007-09-24 23:35:40 · answer #8 · answered by tmblweed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What can you do to make your house more appealing than Dustin? As one friend put it, "we want our house to be the coolest club in town." Who knows, Dustin may even want to come over and you'll have the chance to be a positive influence in his life.
2007-09-25 05:15:18 · answer #9 · answered by Andrew R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just need to talk to your son about it. Explain to him about how it is OK to say NO to his friends, especially in a peer pressure environment.
You could always talk to Dustin's parents about his behaviour.
2007-09-24 23:38:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋