Stay or Leave My Family?

Question

heres the deal, our family moved from california to texas a couple years ago, and i stayed in texas for 6 months before i left. the reason i left was because i had no social life or friends and i miss my friends in cali dearly, along with my social life. So i moved, and a year passed by and i moved back to texas, due to conversations on the phone of how they werent doing so well. but coming back i saw my dad not working cause he cant find a job that pays as well as his last, which lead to no work for 1 year leaving my mom to provide for a year or more. that upsets me, and im stuck with no social life now also along with family arguments with me and my dad, or my mom and my dad, i want to move back craving for a life again. but my parents cry and beg me to stay... i can support myself enough on my own i am 20. i plan to go to college onmy own if i go back etc. i am financial stable to live on my own just enough. what should do i do ?please reply thnx

Answer 1

Don't move back because of a social life. You sound like you should be able to establish a social life anyplace you land. Move because you want to start living your own life. That does not mean the answer is going to be moving back to Cali, it might mean just finding your own place in Texas.

What it sounds like is that you are not craving a life in Cali as much as you are craving your own life clear of family drama. You should enroll in your school and prepare to get on with your education. It is unfair for you to sacrifice your life to settle your parent's drama. If you worry about your parents, then compromise and stay in Texas but move out on our own. Get your own place and only pop over on weekends for dinner. Either way you I think moving out is the best choice for you and your parents.

Answer 2

It's a hard call, and I know where you're coming from. I moved to another state when I was 19. My parents begged and pleaded with me to stay, but I felt it necessary to build my own life. It seemed to work well enough for the first year, but then everything went downhill with them, very very badly, and I had no real choice but to come back and help them out.

Unfortunately that became a situation that repeated itself year after year. Whenever they were unable to manage, they relied on me to come rushing back to help them out of a jam. It seemed almost that they purposely worked things out so that they would fail, thus requiring my attention and assistance, sabotaging most good opportunities that I've had.

I don't mind helping, at all, that is what family is for, and I owe my life to my parents. It's an obligation and a matter of caring for those you love. However, there is a point where people have to be responsible for their own lives, and there is a point where helping someone turns into enabling them to continue in a negative lifestyle. And that becomes a trap that can last for a long, long time.

Advice. My advice to you, having lived through a similar situation for years, is to live your own life first. You don't have to abandon your parents - and I'd never suggest it - but you can't hold them up forever. They have to manage on their own. Call them, visit them, send them a bit of money here and there if they need it. Talk to them about options they have to improve their lives - taking classes, going to counselling, finding different jobs, even if the jobs pay less, moving into a smaller place, or perhaps to a state with better opportunities, etc. But sticking around because they beg you to, and devoting all of your energy to them, is only going to turn out badly for all parties involved. There has to be a compromise, where you can live your life and help them a bit at the same time, if with nothing more than moral support. One compromise might be just to stay in Texas, but live in your own apartment or home, and do your own thing. You'll still be near, but you'll be building your own life. Though I understand that Texas sucks, so that may not be the most appealing option.

Moving back to Cali would be easier if you have siblings who can be near your parents and spend time with them, or at least other family members. But even if you don't, you can still maintain contact with your parents without being with them in person.

Either way, they've managed to survive this long. They -can- survive now, on their own. It will just take some work, some willpower, and perhaps some encouragement from you and their other loved ones.

Don't be guilted into anything. Resentment will follow.

Good luck.

Answer 3

get back to Cali. Texas sucks in comparrison ti Cali. I know I live in Oklahoma which is worse than Texas and I moved here from Cali. Your Dad needs to suck it up and take a job. He may not make as much but atleast he will be providing. Get away from his poor influence. You Mom needs to put her foot down, or kick his *** out the door. Your old enough get away while you can still run!

Answer 4

See your stuff? Pack them up and go. Quite simple really. Your family is driving you nuts, so drive away.