My husband spoils the kids.?

Question

my husband baby's the kids really bad when they are bad, he baby's them all the time, but when they are bad and throw tantrums and scream, becaus they don't want to go to bed he will hug them and kiss them and tell them that he will buy them things if they stop. it is really putting a wear on our relationship because i dont agree with it at all, i think by rewarding the kids with things when they act out, will make them think that everytime they are bad they will get what they want. and it makes me look like the bad guy all the time, because i don't play into it. and they get punished for doing those things with me. and that's when i get the "i hate you's" and if i tell our kids to do something and they throw a tantrum, he will tell them they don't have to do it, and he will do it. i really can't deal with it anymore, and if it continues i will leave so please HELP!!!!

His mother raised him by herself, because his father died when he was 8yrs old. and she did the same thing with the babying.

Answer 1

Your husband probably thinks that this is no problem or not a serious problem - please try to make him realize that it is! As a man, I know what I'm talking about - it's so much nicer when you come home from work to be your kids' buddy and joke around and overlook their bad behavior. But the mixed signals they get from thier mom and dad will seriously confuse your kids or, worse, will teach them to be manipulative.
I'm sure that your husband understands that, at least in theory. The trick is to make him realize that this is a serious issue not something to be laughed about.
Good luck to you!

Answer 2

Just because you have the money now doesn't mean you always will. Also, you're not teaching your children the value of money--it doesn't matter if they're the best behaved children in the entire universe--they need to understand the value of money. You're teaching them that they can act on any whim and buy whatever they want. What happens when your child decides he/she is going to be the perpetual student and is making fifteen thousand dollars a year or less? Their credit card debt will be through the roof because they don't understand the value of money and will be in the mindset of "Mom and Dad will just bail me out every time I screw up." Right now, your husband is blowing your retirement on gifts/presents your kids don't need. What's left when it's their birthdays? Your seven year old has an ipod--a seven year old has no need for an ipod--at what point will she lose it, break it, or trade it for Littlest Pets at school? Spending money at the mall is not quality time spent with kids, which I think, is what his intention probably is. Why not play games or go to an amusement park every so often? What about a family movie night? I agree with you, he's spoiling them unnecessarily. How great would your kids feel if the money your husband would have spent went to people who actually needed it? There are so many people in this world that need money and things--why not help your kids see that and have them see the appreciation on others' faces when they're given money or clothing? I think it's high time the entire family went to volunteer at a soup kitchen or some other service organization. If "going to the mall" is their "thing," then don't let hubby take more than fifty dollars with him--they can all window shop and make lists of the things they like and they can ask for those things for their birthdays. Teach your kids what it actually is to want something for a long period of time--right now, it's instant gratification.

Answer 3

Firstly, you really shouldn't have to be asking a question like this on line. Your Husband should be the first port of call. I assume (and could be wrong) that you two don't communicate entirely effectively?

I suggest you set some time asides from everything you need to do, to sit down and talk about it. I believe you're right, but it's about making HIM see sense. It's not only very important to not encourage miss-behaviour by promising gifts, but that both parents show a united front. This way the child knows if mum says no, dad will too. It eliminates the kids playing the parents against each other.

Maybe your husband should explain to your children that gifts or rewards will now only be given for good behaviour. If the children misbehave then they lose the priviledge.

Answer 4

This is hard. You have to talk smart to your husband, he is spoiling brat your kids. When you talk to your husband (not in front of your kids) tell him that the kids will not respect you and him when they grow up to be teen ager if now that they are still young they are b eing taught how to be disrespectful.

Remind him also that there is only one way to the future and if he is wrong he can't never go back and correct it. This is the kind of mistake that once you commit it, it's permanent.

Tell him that he just have to discipline the kids once, and it will all be easy onto the next because he already set the law into their minds that a NO is a NO and because I love you, it is a NO.

And if he still don't want to change his way, YOU have to be the law in your house when it comes to your children. Yes, you will think (and it will show) that your kids are going to hate you, but if you really cares, you will just have to discipline them. You will be rewarded later and they will love you more when they grow up. Let them fear you, so you can control them when they become teenager. And your discipline should really be strong to offset the bad discipline your husband have for them. It has to be. Kids should have a little fear for their parents so that they will become good kids, and when they are good, then reward them, and tell them that they will thank you when they become adult. Tell them the and show them the difference of your discipline and their dad's. And of course tell them that you are right. Tell them the reason why you want it a certain way - because if you will explain to them why you are right and they have to follow you, it will be a little easier because they will not think that you are just being unkind to them.

Answer 5

My husband spoils the kids.?

Answer 6

You need to sit down and talk to your husband you have two different styles of parenting and if you do not come to an agreement (a compromise) on how to handle the kids your relationship will be headed down hill with your kids behavior - get a parenting counselor if you need to help him see how his behavior will negatively affect your children int eh long run

Good luck

Answer 7

This sounds like more of a respect issue to me - he does not respect you, nor does he care about the mixed messages that the kids are receiving. This will, undoubtedly, start to leave the kids with a feeling of resentment towards you. The fact that he doesn't care about this is appalling. You need to explain this to him that if he is to continue it will inevitably bring around the demise of your marriage.
Good luck.

Answer 8

I can tell that he's trying his best to calm them down, although his methods are probably going to harm him in the long run. Tell him that it will make the kids will think that they deserve something for going to sleep, for acting quiet, etc. It's basically "extrinsic motivation". Psychology is fun =)

Answer 9

I think, I'd have to take either a hair brush or a belt to my husband & knock some sense into him, because his parents didn't do a very good job.

Answer 10

Help i need a boys name asap?