worried about hubby (for wives only)?

Question

My hubby is a teacher. I haven't worried much about him straying b/c I've seen where he works and it is mostly older women or women who are married. And also his grade level has several men for him to talk to.

But he has an intern this year. Dummy me, I assumed it was going to be a guy. But it is a girl in grad school. I know they spend alot of time together working with the kids. That in itself bothers me; her being in his room ,etc.

Well last night he was emailing her from home. She had sent him an email (why is she using his personal email and not his work email? Why did he give it to her?) and he was clearly smiling about it; she was jabbing him about the football game/ apparently she is a sports freak (so is my hubby) and they like rival teams.

I used his password and checked his mail ro read it all. I feel like I am invading his privacy, but I am picking up on flirting on both sides! I don't want him flirting or getting close with her. Should I worry?

We've been married almost seven years. He's a great dad. I've never had any reason to believe he has cheated in the past.

Yes I'm sure she's thinner-- and cuter. Most college girls are. I've had two kids, I'm about 30 lbs overweight and tired all the time.

Thanks for the suggestions. There is no way I can stop by his work. He leaves home after I do in the morning and he gets home before I do in the afternoon. I work longer hours.

No, I don't know what she looks like, but I know my husband's behavior very well. If she were ugly and had a unibrow, he'd be annoyed that she was bothering him at home, and wouldn't be so attentive and quick to respond to her messages. I'm not stupid.

Answer 1

This is a guy. He's flirting and is interested. Worry.

Just my two thoughts. Guys don't give personal email to anyone. You aren't invading his privacy, you are just looking out for your family. Depends on the age, but it will probably be fine. She wants a good recommendation from him, so she's using him a little and he likes the attention.

Answer 2

Trust is our ability to handle what another person might do to us. This is your issue at this point, not his. You've already shown that you might have insecurity/trust issues by opening this question with statements like "I've seen where he works and it's mostly older women who are married". What does that mean?? You've already checked out the competition?? She is a grad student, it's a teaching situation and he is her superior. I have a feeling that there are professional rules of conduct in place and he knows what is at stake both personally and professionally. I have a feeling she is a grad student who is just trying to learn her profession. Any of us who have worked in close contact with others knows that you get to know people, you joke around and talk. It doesn't mean that you are ready to cheat. Even if there is a slight flirtation going on but he's married not dead! They like rival sports teams, of course an e-mail like that will make him smile. It's the same smile that would come from an e-mail from a male counterpart who likes the other team too! I think you really need to dig deep on this one. You had jealously issues before this grad student came into the picture. You are checking his e-mail behind his back. You make the assumption that she is drop dead gorgeous and yet you've never set eyes on her. She may have no fashion sense and a uni brow! You just don't know.... Take some time to think about your own trust issues. Where do they stem from? Has he done things in the past to make you trust him less? If you find some personal resolution you should talk to him about it. He's your husband. Let him know how you're feeling and give him the chance to defend himself and reassure you. This is something that if worked out can bring you so much closer as a couple. Good luck :)

Answer 3

Yes, be worried. Be very worried. I tolerated a "friendship" between my ex and his colleague for a long time, thinking that her advanced years (13+ older!) were enough to make her unattractive to him. But I was wrong.

The problem is, when a spouse develops a friendship with someone of the opposite sex, they can't help but compare you to them. Unfortunately, it's a very unfair comparison!

If I were to get a do-over, I would have walked into my husband's work and had a little chat with her. I suggest stopping by after the students are gone for the day.

You should also have a heart-to-heart with your husband and let him know how you feel, and how important he and your marriage are to you.

One final thing, is she an aide or a student teacher? If she's a student teacher, she will likely be in the room with him for just a few months, if it's any reassurance!

Answer 4

Here's what you do. Take of work early one day this week, go to the school, during the last 10 minutes of his last class of the day peek your head into the room so he knows you are there. Wait in the hall and when the bell rings, you enter, all perky and sweet and kiss him and hug him and tell him you missed him today. With your arm still around his neck, look over at his aide and invite her over for a barbecue this weekend and a guest, like her b/f, if she would like. Leave the room with your husband holding your hand or arm in arm, smiling and laughing. Cook up a great dinner for the weekend, be the perfect wife, mother, hostess. The theme here is Keep your friends close and your enemies closer!!!

Answer 5

You need to be careful how you react. If you start being angry and abrupt you may just end up pushing him away towards her.

Start dating your husband again. Don't go overboard but the more you re-affirm yourself in his heart the less room there will be for someone else. Spend time alone together doing things you both enjoy, even if it's movie and some popcorn with some cuddle time.

Keep the lines of communication open, and keep him involved in the family as much as possible.

Answer 6

If I were you, I would get real worried....but worry doesn't solve your problem. The best thing you can do is talk to your hubby about it and tell him about your concern and how you view his current situation....i don't believe in getting suspicious of the other party or checking on the other party w/o his acknowldegement especially he's someone that you've vowed to live together forever...so ask and clarify things with him...do tell him that you've been reading his mails and apologize to him...i can't tell why he acts the way he is but perhaps you may want to examine your relationship with him to see if there have been times that you've neglected him...men always want to feel cherished and wanted...so give him your undivided attention so that he won't flirt, thus it doesn't give way to infidelity

Answer 7

He seems to be putting himself in to a position where something could occur. The only thing I could suggest is talking to him about it and not to worry if he is not doing anything behind your back. Maybe he just feels flattered that someone new is giving him attention but wouldn't take it to any other level then a fun friendship. There is no reason he needs to be emailing her from home, though! See what he says if you tell him you feel uncomfortable and would prefer or feel better if he were to keep the relationship professional. To guys "sex" is just sex and in the end they prefer their wives. They just like the ego boost from other, new attention. Oh yeah and if you have his password and he hasn't changed it - I would consider that open and he probably isn't doing anything other than feeding off that boost.

Answer 8

Sigh.. you are in a position to do something right? So, do it!!

If you going to work and work long hours is a problem, change job! Prim yourself up... lose weight, put in some effort to make yourself pretty, send the kids to your relatives place for a vacation when the opportunity arises... You are the wife for goodness sake and not the maid!

You can't stop any woman around this world from flirting with your husband and neither can you stop him... that's how life is.. but you can do something about yourself. You are in competition here... so, go get into action and win back that man of yours!

Answer 9

I think it is better to invite some of his colleagues including her. See how he reacts to her. Also she would see his family and she might back off ( since she is a teacher ) . Try to be very kind to him. Do not fight over the issue. Just note that You are not comfortable about the situation. Try to organize for the weekends and afternoons so that he feels most comfortable at home.

Answer 10

Yes that is a red flag.
Anyone can be tempted by something new and exciting. You are within your rights to express that you are uncomfortable with the familiarity and you would appreciate it if he would remember to remain professional on the job. Any friendship with the opposite sex that does not include both partners is a dangerous situation.