So hurt and confused. I feel like my sister is using me,?

Question

Such a long story. I will try to make it short.
I have 2 little sisters. Our Mom died 7 yrs ago. My sisters were 16 and 18 at the time.
Now, they are 25 and 26.
My 26 yr old sister and her husband and 2 stinking dogs have moved 7 hrs from home and moved in with us.
My Brother-in-law worked 5 days at a Car sales place that my husband got him. Well, no $$ so he quit. Since then has not even picked the phone up to ask about another job. My husband has asked him several times to ride with him during the day and meet some of the clients my husband works for, maybe find a job. My BIL always says no.
So, 2 weeks no job and no interviews.
Everytime I inquire to my lil sister about what they are doing, she picks up and leaves the room with no response what-so ever.
Now, My other little sister and her 2 year old is moving down here tomorrow. Cause, she has no sitter for her 2 year old, now that my other sister has moved.
So, here they all are , no-one is working but my husband.

I should add, that the last few years both my oldest lil sis and her husband have had jobs and quit them to move here.
After, we paid for their move here, His Uncle back home is offering him a job and they are not telling me and husband anything about it. We only know this from someone else. And what little they have told us. It is so tense and secretive around here. I just wish that they would have at least made an effort to make it here. It seems like they just want something thrown in their lap.
I would love for my sisters to be here. But, it seems like they are just using me ... What do you think?

Answer 1

KipperinCa gave such a good answer ~ very wise.

I would like to ask though, is it possible your sister is refusing to speak with you about this because she is embarrassed and actually wishes her husband would behave differently. Just what is the situation between her and her hubby ~ is it possible their is mental abuse, where he is telling her to do x, y, z or he will leave or something? Does he have any mental issues (depression, etc)?

Maybe on the wrong track altogether but never hurts to look into such things!

I am not as good a person as you, I'm afraid. I have actually asked people to leave after a period of time when they have not pulled their own weight.

Funny thing, they moved on to the next person but still keep in contact with me!

Hope you find a way to sort this out !

Best wishes and good luck :-)

Answer 2

"No one can take advantage of you without your permission:" The reason you feel the way you do is because she IS using you. In other words, it's time to reclaim your home and throw the moochers out. Give your 26-year-old sister and her bum of a husband a deadline -- they have to be out by the end of the week. Offer to help them find an apartment or a cheap hotel, and help them pay the first week's rent, if you have the finances for it. If you don't have the fiances for it, don't worry about it.

Tell you other sister that you are very sorry, but you aren't going to be able to have guests right now. Maybe she can stay with the 26-year-old and get babysitting, since they aren't doing anything, anyway. :-)

Learning how to say "NO" is a fundamental life skill. Start practicing it.

Answer 3

I am the oldest of 10 kids, and in my 50's, living in Canada with my children close by and all my siblings in England. That's the background.
If I didn't live in Canada I would probably have at least a few of my siblings trying to live with me or off me, as the only time I hear from most of them is when they want something from me.
If you let your situation continue you may end up losing your husband and the possible friendship of your sisters. Although to be honest, I don't think you have your sisters friendship anyway as they are just using you. I think you have to put your foot down to your sister, tell her that much as you love her, you and your husband cannot afford financially to support her and her husband. Plus tell her, you are not willing to jeopardize your relationship with your husband.
1. You should discuss this with your husband before
proceeding.
2. Take her to a neutral place such as a restaurant or coffee shop, to tell her.
3. Stress that you will always be her sister, and will try to be there for her, just not as her hotel manager.
4. Set a time limit for changes.
5. Write down the changes you want to give to her, after you have talked to her about them. Make sure your husband agrees with what you want so that you are both on the same page.
Good luck! It is never easy dealing with adult siblings.

Answer 4

Seems like they are. Tell them that you're their sister and you love them, but you need them to work. Otherwise, what's gonna end up happening, is all of you will be kicked out of the house. (as in, by having to pay for everything, you wont have the money to pay the house payments.) If they refuse, start having them pay rent every month. They can't just mooch off of you. They'll get a job because they'll need to pay for themselves.

Answer 5

oh, your right,
THEY ARE USING YOU!!!
give them a deadline. you have to have a job and start paying something around here or you will have to move out. if they say they have no place to go inform them that your home is not a flop house. no work no pay = NO STAY!!!
the longer you allow them to free load off of you the longer they will do it!!!
unless your husband is willing to support a bunch of dead beats i suggest you get going on this before he is the one leaving and not your free loading relatives!!!
and once they move out make it clear that your home is not a dumping ground for them to come to over and over again. you tried to "help" and this was a one time deal.

Answer 6

Well...you're right. Your sisters are taking advantage of you and your husband. So the question is...why? Keep bugging your sisters until one of them explains why they are ending up at your house. Maybe it is because you two (you & hubby) are so responsible and friendly. Good Luck and remember, judge less...love more!

Answer 7

I've anwered this ???, before for you! But I kick tham to the curb!! This is your life they foiling up!!