children in restaurants?

Question

Yesterday we had lunch with some friends, their daughter and daughter's kids.

The 6 year old had spaghetti with no sauce. She pcked up each strand with her fingers, put one end in her mouth and sucked it in. Her grandmother told her several times that she shouldnt do that. Grandma showed her how to wind the spaghetti around her fork. The kid didnt pay any attention. Sucked it all down.

The 3 yr old was up and running all over. He hid under booths, crawled around other people's feet, ran thu the bar area and was crawling on the pool table in the game room.

The kids grandmother said sternly not to do this. Grandfather said to stop, or he'd be forced to go get the boy himself. But, neither of them did more than admonish them.

The kid's mother sat there. Paid very little attention to the kids behaviour.

I wanted to get up, get that little boy, set him down in his chair and tell him I would spank if he got up again, & mean it. I didnt tho.

What should I have done?

Answer 1

You behaved properly.

If you had stepped in, you would have made

a) a scene

b) enemies of the mom and dad and possibly one or both grandparents.

You had to endue an hour with unruly kids running wild over ineffectual parenting. The parents, through their own negligence, are in for far worse than that in the coming years.

You can say your goodbyes and leave. The parents are trapped in a private hell that they made for themselves.

Let it go-- and decline future dinner invitations.

Answer 2

OH DEAR! I do feel for your situation! I work at a pizza place, and there are rowdy kids and unruly parents who come in all the time. I hate this new fangled philosophy of the "Natural Child," where the child can express itself at any decible level or in any way they so choose.

But with you being part of the "party" with these children, that really puts you at a disadvantage. Frankly, I would not have been so tempted to spank the child, as to spank THEIR MOTHER!!! At the very least I would have been tempted to give her a tongue-lashing.

But it seems by your report, that your friends were the grandparents... if I read it correctly??? They did try to intercede, to no avail. And I don't know how good friends you really are with them, but if I was so upset at the misbehavior of the children, I might have said something like, "I'm really sorry, but I don't feel well, and must leave," then excuse yourself, pay your tab, and leave the restaurant. You are not feeling well because you are upset about the children. And by leaving the restaurant you are extricating yourself from the situation which is making you uncomfortable.

What about your dinner companions, and the rest of your evening out? Well... it was pretty much shot by the kids as it was, so what's the difference!? If your friends ask you later why you left, simply repeat yourself, "I was not feeling well and had to leave." Frankly, if your friends do not figure it out on their own, they're pretty thick!

Any future invitations by these people will either have to be at McD's ... where they have sound-proof play rooms for the little beasts... or be "adults only" events.

Have a polite day.

Answer 3

I had "dates" with my child since she was little. We learned how to behave in a restaurant....I agree I can not STAND poor behavior at the table...it's just laziness on the parents end. I started with just simple dessert at an Applebees type of restaurant and we worked ourselves up to high tea by the time she was 9. She loved all the fuss and we always get compliments for her maturity. I don't think it's special...I think it's expected from society! Have some class! Learn how to behave in public! A place for everything. When we're at the beach or the house...go crazy.

With that said...how long were you all sitting. You can't expect a 3 year old to sit for more than 15-20 minutes. Don't ever pick nice restaurants for a long meal that you'd like to have a conversation with your friends. The fact that she had two children of varying ages is difficult as well. The 3 year olds job is to play...so his behavior was normal. That's why we didn't do meals out at that age. The mother should have a non electronic game, some paper and crayons and a picture book for each of them to stay occupied before the food came. Then they may have been more receptive to listening to Grandma.

I will tell you my generation's children have terrible dining habits. Talking with food in their mouths, talking loudly so every table can hear. Not knowing what a salad fork is would be normal. It's a shame and the parents aren't helping them. One day they'll date from a wealthy family or accept an invitation to an award ceremony etc....I feel badly for them. My generation is very kind and probably gives more community service and environmentally responsible, and non prejudice, but falls short in other areas that makes you want to grit your teeth.

Answer 4

Wow, I've been there! And I've also been the overtired, sleep-deprived mother who "doesn't care" (or seems to not care) what the children are doing on a rare occasion.

I have 7 children from 2 to 13, and every parent has a bad day. Maybe you could cut them a little slack (very little, but a little). Are you close with the parents? Or the grandparents?

Whichever set is closest to you, you could try to have a discussion with them about the behavior of the children, and ask if there's anything you can do to help. (Offering helpful solutions is much better than berating a defeated parent.)

If I had been in your situation, I most likely would have made an excuse to leave. "Oh no! I am so sorry! I forgot I was supposed to meet my sister's new boyfriend tonight! I have to go, I'll call you tomorrow!"

Answer 5

I would have simply excused myself from the meal, paid my bill and on the way out told the "mother" to she needs to get her children under control or take them back to the zoo. I'm sure the entire restaurant as well as the kids own grandparents were thinking the same thing. No one thinks that is cute or funny. In fact it makes me angry when some kid is acting out an the parents don't care and it ruins the peaceful meal that I am paying for. People who cannot control their children need to be at chuckie cheese. I have a seven year old, a nine year old and a six year old who know better than to act like that in public. People compliment me on how well behaved my kids are when we go out. Children will do what you allow them to and they will push the limits to see what their parent will allow. I blame the sorry excuse they call their mother. I don't suggest going to lunch with them again.

Answer 6

I'm not sure I could've sat there and been a party to the behavior of the children of someone I was having lunch with.

I think I probably wouldn't have endured the way you did before I explained that "apparently it's not a good day to be visiting with you guys" or "Gee, look a the time and I have an unplanned appointment this afternoon that I have to dash off to."

Next time you're invited to go anywhere with either of them, manage to find out if the children will be present. Don't be around children who are so badly behaved and disciplined that you stress out over it. I couldn't do it. Don't know how you did.

Answer 7

Unfortunately this seems to be getting a common state of affairs with the lack of punishment parents seem to want to administer. Fair enough if its a kid frienly restaurant & it advertises itself as such they should at least provide some sort of activity room, however if we as adults go out to enjoy a peaceful or even romantic evening & have to put up with that rubbish, I would assertively, not hostile though, approach the parents to do something & id that fails, see the manager. There has to be a line in the sand somewhere between kids going wild & teaching them how to behave.............

Answer 8

Wow. Staying out of it was best. The mom is terrible and I don't know why they didn't get kicked out. My child is 16 months and is wonderful in restaurants. But we go to restaurants like IHOP and Sizzler, not The Olive Garden or something like that.
We only spend as much time as it takes us to eat and then we leave. He has never caused a scene, because we don't allow him to run around. I so dislike it when kids run all over adults.

Answer 9

You did the right thing. No parent wants to be told that they are not raising their children right. The only thing that would have come out of the situation is awkwardness and anger.

Sounds like a sidebar conversation you may need to have with your friend. Maybe they are just unaware or are so stressed out, they don't know how to deal.

Answer 10

you seem like you really care that things are the way they should be...but still, since you are not the children's grandmother/mother it might be rude unless you ask one of them, or perhaps disguise it by trying to have a child sit on your lap since they are cute or something along the lines like that

my answer is definitely not the best...but make sure if you do do something that you aren't doing something that could possibly suggest you think a parent/grandmother is not doing their job! it offends most =D