my fiancé doesn't want kids.....?

Question

and i respect her desicions.
but i someday would like to have kids.
wat should i do?
i will adopt a kid, but i would like my fiance to have my kids.
wat should i do?
will she eventually agree to have my kids?
wat should i do?

we both want to adopt a child.

Answer 1

I would not assume that she will change her mind. She is making it clear now that she doesn't want kids and you have to decide if you can live with that. If you can't you shouldn't marry her thinking you can change he mind later. You will end up resenting each other down the road .

Answer 2

Unfortunately, many couples get married even though they have some major issues unresolved. Whether to have children or not should ideally be decided before the wedding. If you would eventually like to have kids and your fiance says no way to kids, then you will be setting yourself up for a lifetime of unhappiness. If you are married, you both have to go through the adoption process. You won't be able to adopt if she isn't willing to. While it is possible she will change her mind, you can not count on it. If it is very important to you to have children someday, you will save both of you a lot of grief if you don't get married. It is very hard to call off a wedding, but in the long run, you both will be much happier with someone who has the same desires concerning children.

Answer 3

My husband and I both agreed not to have children before we got married. We are both only children and liked our lives the way they were. We got into our 30s and changed our minds. Now we have 2. It changes EVERYTHING but is wonderful. Took some adjustment.
Yes she could change her mind. I would be sure you are ok with her not having children before you get married. I would also suggest a therapist or preacher prior to marriage to confirm in your gut you are making the right decision.
One thing for sure... when the time comes... and lets say she has indeed changed her mind and she wants to have your children... make sure she is 100% into it. It is usually harder on the female taking care of the children. So much responsibility falls into a woman's lap and suddenly you can't sleep any more and can't get a shower or find time to make a sandwich for yourself further more anyone else. (this period doesn't last but a couple of months but it is real).
Like I said it is the best thing I have ever done and my husband agrees - but it is hard and you WILL cry a lot out of frustration and pure joy both. It is a rollercoaster ride. Make sure she wants to ride it with you....Good luck!

Answer 4

Which is more important to you - having her, or having kids? Personally, it sounds like you may be more compatible with someone else. Let's be realistic - you think you're going to have a wife AND adopt a child on your own? It's not going to happen, and even if it did, it wouldn't be fair to the kid. He would always want to know why Daddy's wife didn't want him.
Discuss the matter with her again, preferably in marriage counseling. And don't rush to the altar anytime soon.

Answer 5

Don't marry her.

You can't just adopt a kid without your wife's consent. It doesn't really work that way. You wouldn't just bring a dog home if your wife said you didn't want it; why would you do the same with a child?

This is something you want, and it's something she doesn't. She may change her mind and she may not. But if you marry her, be prepared for a life without kids and most likely eventual divorce

Answer 6

talk to her about your feelings. The decision to have or not to have children can cause a lot of hard feelings in a relationship, and unfortunately nowadays that usually means you would get a divorce. If she refuses and refuses and you are insistent about children, you might have a serious choice to make. Do you stay with her and remain a childless dad? Do you leave her and spend some more time looking for a wife that wants children? The choice is yours, but you need to talk it over with her or you might end up divorced

Answer 7

She obviously does not want to be pregnant and you want a child of your own. Find someone else before you both end up resentful and bitter because whether or not you want children is not something that can be negotiated away. There are many woman out there that do want children and many men who don't. Wanting children is not a feeling that just goes away. I hope you find happiness with your decision.

Answer 8

You really need to talk about this before you get married. Once you are married it could really cause a problem. I would ask her if maybe a few years down the road might it be different, because if not you will not be happy. You need to tell her how you feel about having children. It can't just be one sided you both need to find a happy medium. Solve the problem before it is too late.

Answer 9

Accept her answer. If she does not want kids and does not change her mind I would not have any with her. She will grow to resent you and maybe the child. That does not make for a great marriage. Forget the kids or move on.

Answer 10

You need to consider this from all sides. Having kids is a very important decision. Not to have kids when you want them isn't fair. What happens if you start to resent her for denying you the privilege of being a father? Maybe she isn't the one for you. Think about it a lot before you commit.

Answer 11

Nope, she probably will not eventually agree. You have to decide whether or not this is a deal breaker for you, and you have to be really honest with yourself. Yes you love her, obviously - but is she enough for you? If you can't imagine getting through the rest of your life without ever having children, then it's time to walk away.