getting over abuse by family members?

Question

when i was about 15 i was abused by my father.

im 17 now and it still bothers me a lot, i have low self esteem, poor body image, drinking issues, eating issues, and self injury issues.

but the one thing that bothers me the most is that i can't keep relationships for very long...as soon as somebody does the slightest thing i don't like it's over. and something in my head tells me this isn't the way it's supposed to be, i hate not being able to trust or feel anything for anyone...i've been to counseling but it didn't help, i haven't told anyone about this because i don't want to be taken out of my house...any help?

Answer 1

what your father did was very wrong and you need to tell, I know this is scary but really you need to tell someone. its not fair to keep it in like that and it will keep on hurting you until you have told someone about it. go back to therapy and tell them the Truth its important that you get help for this as it will keep on hurting you until you get the right help. know that its not your fault and that there is nothing to be ashamed of. your a good person and what he did was very wrong. take care good luck

Answer 2

The relationships we have with our parents are the first relationships we have in our lives. If the relationship is abusive, that is our first example of what a relationship is or should be. It is common and understandable that you are having difficulties in your relationships because you have not been subject to a healthy relationship in the home (because of your abusive father).

I know you mentioned that counseling didn't help - but that could be for a couple of different reasons. I would try counseling again. It is important that you talk to a professional about your history - it is really the only way you can process through it. Another option is to check out some local support groups for teens who have been abused. Support groups are a good way to meet others who may have had a similar situation as your own.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Hello there ! First of all, I am deeply sorry that you are have and are going through this type of situation. It most be very stressful. Now, when i read what you wrote above, about your mom and dad being alcoholics, it got me thinking that because of their alcoholic addiction, it may be hard for them to judge things from their own, TRUE perspective from them. remember that alcohol as same as other addiction substances play tricks on the human mind making a person think in a form they would not normally think when having no substances in their body system. I am not justifying their behavior they take upon you, i want to make that clear. I am only suggesting possible reasons for their behavior with you, About the death threats you receive, that let me tell you is not normal behavior especially if they happen to be your family. Maybe it is because they did not have a normal, decent upbringing during their lives. I have seen this happen. Though please do not worry about it. I do not know your religion belief, but i can guarantee you that if you ask for gods/Jesus help, they will hand all their help on you. Please Keep That In Mind. Jesus and our father God love you so very much- always remember that.

Answer 4

I am so sorry that happened to you. I don't know if you've ever been to Church or anything. But that is a really good place to start. if there is a Calavary Chapel by you, they are a very good group of Church's. Talk to a Pastor.
Or, click on my pic to e-mail me. You really don't need to be in a relationship right now. When you feel this way and drinking, you undoublty do things that you regret. You really need to get help . Why would you want to bring another person in on your problems in a relationship. You didn't mention mom, either.

Answer 5

You need real help. Finding it here on Yahoo is not enough. And you shouldn't be in a home with an abuser.

This is really bad. You have serious trust issues. You need to stop the self-cutting or self-injuring, and think about it as not being your fault, things will be better.

Just get real help for your problem.

Answer 6

you live in the same house still..abuse especially by a parent takes many years to get over..i too suffered thru this for years and i did some really stupid things that i know i shouldnt have done and shouldnt have been doing while doing them, i have never went to therapy..i figured there was a whole lotta something wrong with me cause it happened to me..but i can honestly say..it happened when i was nine and ill be 37 in a few months..the last two years is when it finally doesnt matter anymore..so you can be like me and suffer for almost 30 years..or you can get moved out of your house..get into a good therapy and tell it all let your soul cleansing begin..so you dont do stupid stuff in your 20's cause you cant deal with the pain of the past..the past is just that you have to live for today..you have to figure out what way works for you to be able to live your life without the sin of your father always tainting everything you do

as for relationships with other people..i speak to noone in my family ..i have one friend i have made and i have lived all over the world and i have one i talk too and have for 10 years ..as for cutting people out..i drop people when they make me mad or i feel slighted i take it all as a sign of rejection and i dont want to deal with their bs cause i have my own to deal with..i dont feel for others sometimes what i know i should..think this could be you in 20 years is this what you want in your life?

Answer 7

I have checked into some websites to help you. They are:
http://www.checkyourself.org/
http://teenadvice.about.com/od/abusehelplines/Abuse_Help_Lines.htm

I hope that one of these helps you. I can identify with what you're going through because I was abused by a relative when I was younger and my daughter was too. She's now your age. We've both found that by talking to someone we trust we've been able to feel like we've unloaded all the hurt & pain to move forward with life.

I've given the website permission for you to contact me if you'd like.

My heart aches for you. Please....reach out to someone.

Answer 8

I gone through alot. You can report your father and he can be asked to take classes and counseling. He's the one that would suffer the consequences. I am just assuming you live with a mother too. It's something you have to be strong for yourself. Find friends. Good friends. My friends became a second family to me. They helped my cope with it all.

Answer 9

You cant get well staying in that house even if hes not abusing many have tried that. In fact i know peolple who get phsyically sick just visiting the parents house. Get out while you can..

Answer 10

well, you should tell on him, but don't be surprized if you don't get the kind of response you want...this is sick that a man would do that to his little girl...he has made you feel that somehow, you caused this and deserve it..and broke your trust..this is a man you loved and adored, and he needs help bad...HE needs to be taken out of the house, not you...this is HIS sin, not yours.. you are the victim...now Jesus says to forgive someone when they do something like this..and vengance is His...so I talk from experience, (not my family, but a monster I went out with)..and I forgave him...even though he almost succeeded in killing me...the Lord wants us to forgive, and let Him handle it..you might try this for a start...at least you will feel better...but don't punish yourself any longer, for what this man did to you.. he deserves to go to jail for this act of betrayal, on his precious little girl...it makes me sick ...but we have to forgive,...ask God to help you get through this honey...love you x