What is the best way to tell a coworker to back off?

Question

I have been at my current job for 3 months. I'm a recent college grad and this is my first real world job. I give it my all and I was so excited for this job at first... then it happened. The girl training me turned into a psycho beyotch. She tells me to ask questions, yet snips at me when I do. When I don't ask questions and make my own decisions, then she tells me I've done something wrong. She's an annoying overachiever who wants to run the whole dept. I'm nothing but nice to her, but every time I talk to her she makes me feel pathetic and stupid. I'm a smart girl. I graduated Magna *** Laude (3.9 GPA) and have always excelled in past jobs. She's bringing me down so bad I've started looking for other jobs. I cannot go to upper management because I'm in HR and the rest of the department worships her (I have no clue why). She treats me FAR different than the others in the department. I'm the first person she's ever "trained" so I think she's letting it go to her head.

How can I get her to quit treating me so horribly? Should I just keep avoiding her as I currently try to do? Or should I confront her and face an even more horrendous work situation? I don't think she'll take a confrontation well. As of right now, I always just shrink away after she makes me feel pathetic. HELP!

Answer 1

You bet. My guess is you make her feel insecure. She probably knows or you come off as really bright. Don't dumb down just for her.

Confront her. Do it nicely---at first. Use "I" statements. If it gets to the point where she doesn't "get it" screw the fact everyone else loves her . . . lay a complaint on her for harassment.

Read up in the company policy manual what constitutes harassment and follow the procedure for handling it. One thing I know you must specifically tell her what you find offensive and specifically tell her you do not want her to do such and such .... that constitutes notification. But be specific of how she treats you differently and specific examples of harassment.

If she persists, then go to the complaint procedure.

Answer 2

Unfortunately the "ask, ask, ask" mentality comes from trainers that know nothing about on-the-job training (OJT) and that there are methods to proper training that are not being followed. This often results in one of two scenarios -- you can do no wrong because you will never have been adequately trained (chances are, no records are being kept of your training, either) -- either that, or you will be "drummed out" depending on the position and information power of your trainer. Yes, I ran into the same situation recently myself.

I would recommend documentation of as many questions as you remember asking, and the solutions given to you. That way you at least have a record of what you had been trained on. My guess is that eventually this is going to come to a boil anyway, so have ready what I call a "completed staff study" consisting of the problem (ineffective OJT program), factors bearing on the problem, facts, assumptions, and criteria for resolution of the problem, list of proposed solutions, analysis of each solution, recommended best possible solution or hybrid solution, and if you get that far, perhaps you can begin implementation of the training program that you want.

Training takes much more effort than just telling you to ask questions. It needs to become a systematic program involving your job description, tasks associated with the job description, standards involved with each of those tasks, scheduled formal or informal training as necessary, and evaluation/feedback for both yourself and your trainer, and refresher training as necessary. This folds into your performance reports and resume material, as well as periodic updates to the training as your work environment changes.

The person that assigned you a trainer to begin with, is also culpable for the problems that are going to result from a lack of adequate training policy. You and your trainer were supposed to be a team, each of you responsible for making sure you knew what needed to be done and how it needed to be done, and to what level of expertise it needed to be done. And nothing was done! This is an absolutely unacceptable situation, and if there is no improvement then either the supervisor needs to know that there is a serious discrepancy within the organization that will have long-term repercussions with turnover, or you need to know that it's time to move on to an organization that does provide the training you need to do your job effectively. What you have now is a disaster. Don't let it stay that way.

Answer 3

She trained you and now she realizes that you are SMARTER than her and BETTER than her and you could DO HER JOB and YOURS both at the same time.
She's scared, nervous and jealous.
Ask her if you could bounce something off of her, because you value her opinions. Take out for a few drinks after work. Get her good and soused and then tell her to back the f off else she'll find out. Dump a drink on her and leave her crying in the bar for some loser to pick up. When she comes in all hung over in the morning, say sweetly "hard night, hon? Did you end up with the sailor or the homeless guy?"

Answer 4

She sounds like a real B. You need to confront her. Nip this mess in the bud. You can't keep running from job to job. This could happen or something similar, no matter where you work.

It is best to talk to her alone, tell her how you feel, that you appreciate the fact that she trained you but now she needs to back off, that you can handle it from here on out.

Answer 5

Talk to someone in the HR Department about this right away! Do not confront her without first talking to HR.

Answer 6

It may be that she doesn't like training anyone!
Be gentle, but tell her that when you ask, she tends to show anger, and when you don't she reacts in a similar fashion. Ask her what you can do to relieve the tension between the two of you.

Answer 7

tell her to back off or you'll sue her ***.

Answer 8

welcome to the REAL world....now you know what you were missing at school.