Would you call of the wedding until you could trust that person? My fiance told me this today, i don't want to call off the wedding but how do i know to trust him anymore. He is in the military so he is going to be away a lot..i just don't know what to do.
2007-09-24 13:57:51 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Yes this did happen while we were dating. We have been together so far for 4 years, so this was around the two year mark.
2007-09-24 14:26:52 · update #1
Depends if you define kissing as cheating.
Also, ask yourself WHY he told you. Was it to come clean because he feels guilty and wants to be honest with you, his future wife? Or is it because he wants out and is trying to tell you something?
Also try to find out the circumstance. Him kissing a girl while drunk at the bar is not really a long-term threat or big deal. Him kissing your best friend or his coworker/partner overseas IS.
This may mean nothing if he is truly sorry. But I would suspect that this may happen again. Very rarely do (adult) guys stop at kissing. Of course no one knows but him, but there may be more he ISN'T telling you.
Then again, perhaps he just got a bit too drunk one night (or dared, or lonely) and made an honest mistake. Yes, he should be able to control himself, but he is human.
You'll have to talk to him more and see where this goes. All I can say is that you need to do some soul searching. A woman's instinct is usually right.
Either:
a.) It was a one time lapse in judgement and he regrets it. In this case, forget it and move on with the wedding.
b) He is not ready to be married, or married to you. Or, he cannot be in a committed monogamous marriage.
I would like to point out that serving in the military can cause people to become severely lonely and depressed due to the nature of their job, and may behave in ways not typical for them. This really could be a one time error. But you need to find out.
2007-09-24 19:58:12 · answer #1 · answered by reginachick22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG - it was a KISS. Okay - first - he should have never told you now (Why did he...what brought it up). And I'm serious. Now that he has it does beg the question "how many more" and the likely answer is none.
You'll either believe him or you won't. And if you don't, this goes much beyond something that happened 2 years ago. Then you shouldn't get married - and not because of the fact he kissed the girl, but because you have trust issues.
Or maybe you shouldn't marry him because it was unfair of him to burden you with his guilt.
Let's assume it was a one-time silly thing he did. He did the right thing in not telling you. The only reason to tell is absolve his own guilt. It serves you no good.
Assuming that it is just as he says it was - feel good that he loves you enough to have left it at that, to have regretted it, and loved you enough to spare you the agony of knowing about. He should have kept his mouth shut.
Bottom Line: has he ever, before revealing that, given you ANY reason not to trust him...has your relationship been good and strong??? Then why does that one little bit of knowledge negate everything you have built together.
If so, then please put this where this belongs, in the past.
And personally - I'd be much more upset if my husband had a on going non-sexual emotional affair then if kissed some random girl.
2007-09-24 16:09:01 · answer #2 · answered by apbanpos 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I think your situation depends on a lot of different factors. For one, if the guy was 18 when it happened, that is a little more understandable due to immaturity. However, if he was more around 28 when it happened, that's a little different. Was alcohol involved? If so, that's not necessarily an excuse, but it's easier to understand why it might have happened. Was this girl also in the military? My ex boyfriend was in the Air Force, and it always seemed as though those military girls had more in common with him... that could be another reason why it happened. Was it a peck or was it more like making out? It's just such a hard situation. You know him better than any of us do. If you feel like you'll never be able to truly forgive him or forget that it happened, that could be a major damper on your marriage. (Of course, that's not your fault, it's his). I can say that the old saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is not true because I've cheated once, and never have again. It's just one of those things. Is that one time really enough to compromise decades of years, a future family, and growing old together? It's up to you...no one else.... I'm sorry that you're going through this, it must be such a hard decision. I can only imagine how much you must be hurting.
2007-09-24 14:11:23 · answer #3 · answered by prestigieuxlavie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'd be very upset especially if it happened while we were dating! it would be hard 4 me 2 trust him and it would always be in the back of my mind! And on top of that it would hurt allot i personally would tell him i need some time away from him and time 2 regain trust in him, the way i think of it is once a cheater always a cheater! if it happened once how can u be so sure it wont happen again? And u say he's in the military so its gonna be even harder for u 2 regain trust in him just take ur time and think everything over before u make ur final decision.
2007-09-24 16:28:49 · answer #4 · answered by stacy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its just a kiss.
Did he kiss her while we were together? Were we exclusive at the time? Was he drunk?
In the grand scheme of things it's not something I would call off a wedding for, especially if it is only a one time occasion. However, if you don't think you can trust him because of this it may be a good time for you to take a break.
2007-09-24 14:06:37 · answer #5 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
IHoney, If you think it was really just a kiss don't kill him for it. He told you so therefor he must have an honest bone in him somewhere. I found out that my boyfriend who I have two babies with now, slept with my best friend the day we were on our second date and I found out about it after i was 2 months pregnant! I was more p'd off that my best friend didn't tell me first. You really should respect him for telling you but if you think he is hiding more I would definitely call it off. Confront him and the girl if you know her and decide from there.
2007-09-24 15:41:56 · answer #6 · answered by robbodabbo2004 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just get over it. It was only a kiss. It's not like he had an affair.
He picked you to marry if he wanted someone else he wouldn't have asked you to get married & wouldn't be going through it now . He has told you this so you don't start your marriage off with secrets.
2007-09-24 17:12:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is just trust in your man and he will come through for you. So don't call off the wedding cuz if you do you are going to ruin he life as well as your own.
2007-09-24 14:31:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
What I think you need to do is have a sit down with him and ask him to come clean about everything. I would be quite mad if it was my fiance, but I wouldn't call off the wedding just yet. If he has other skeletons in his closet, than I would reconsider.
Calmly ask him to confess everything and take it from there.
Good luck!
2007-09-24 14:09:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
4 years and the most he did was kiss someone else one time! I would say that is pretty darn good. don't sweat the small stuff, obviously it meant nothing because he is with you. Look forward and quit looking back. It sounds like you can have a good life together.
2007-09-24 16:52:43 · answer #10 · answered by Beatrice C 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋