How can I prepare my 3 year old for the death of his grandmother?

Question

My mother in law is terminally ill. We're not sure when she will die, but it will be within the next 1-2 years. In watching my son's development into a human being, I realized they have no way of understanding death at this age. He's really close to her and I am not sure how to deal with it when it happens. He doesn't really understand "God", and we're not religious. I've been trying to introduce the concept of God to him, but it is obviously too vast for a 3 year old to get although he is extremely smart.
Ideas please? personal experiences?

Answer 1

I believe that when you are dead it is like sleep....until Jesus comes and wakes you up. (John 11:11-14) So, when my mother was dying, I explained it to my son like that...and told him that we would not want her to feel bad all the time and to hurt, so Jesus let her go to sleep until He comes to wake her up. (1 Thess.4:16,17)

Answer 2

Oh man...well..my wife was the youth leader at our last church and heavilly involved with children's ministry. I just asked her how she would answer this....I know she has had children's books like this before....

whoops...she tells me she gave her last copy to one of the 4 year olds who's grandfather passed away.

she says the best place to go is parable.com or christianbook.com. There are books for little ones.... and run a search for kids, death, heaven. She's sure you'll find the book there. did a quick search...will list it below

Answer 3

im sorry to hear abt you rmother in law. i also had to prepare my daughter for my mothers passing.she was 5 at the time an there is no easie way to explain it. i told my daughter that nanny went to be with god an her parents . i told her that she wont be comming back but she loved her so much an dont want her to be upset. she idi take it hard but if your lil one is 3 then you dont have to give all the details abt it. just ensure him/her that the person loves them an just has to go. then when you think they would understand better then you can tell them more.again im sorry.

Answer 4

He wont really understand...... I just lost my grandmother at age 34 and i still am having a tough time dealing with it.....

He wont really remember her in a few years since he is so young......I would advise getting a vidoe, tape the two of them together....... let her make a personal tape to him...... talking about how muych she loves him and what his birth ment to her... ect. this is something that he can treasure for a lifetime, even though she will be gone....

Take LOTS of pictures, those will mean alot to him later on as well..... My 6 and 15 yr olds took Grams death very hard even though they understood she was really sick ( cancer)

Answer 5

This is a tough one and I know it won't be easy.

At 3 years old they don't understand lies either, so tell him the truth, it will be a lot easier to deal with later.

Sorry I can't offer anything more positive.

Ian M

Answer 6

Aww that is so sad. My son is also 3 and I couldn't imagine his heartbreak if one of his grandparents passed....I have however already spoken to my son about death and I explained to him that our bodies have souls and that when we die, our souls leave us and go to heaven (and heaven is in the clouds) and then we bury their bodies in the ground... I know its weird, but my mother was murdered when I was 4 and it was very tramatic for me, so I wanted to somewhat prepare him in advance, espacially since my dad is already 65 and although he is not sick, we have had cancer scares, heart failure scares...so....one never knows...Good Luck.

Answer 7

Buy the book "The Fall of Freddy the Leaf." My in-laws got it for my husband when he was a kid when his grandmother died and it really helped him understand death. Good luck.

Answer 8

try telling him gently. by gently tell him stuff like this little by little. if he really gets it he'll peice it togethor. if he doesn't tell him that grandma went somewhere. somewhere being something like 'away or bye bye'. it's best to tell him in a yr or two. he doesn't grasp it quiet well. don't tell him about god. it'll just be let down when he grows up and wonders if god exist why our world is the way it is.

Answer 9

i am crying. my mother passed away fourteen years ago.my daughter was only five. she was very ill for two years(cancer). i just explained that her pooh(her nickname) had been very sick and that God and we didn't want her to hurt anymore. she was absolutely heartbroken. but she had so many wonderful memories with my mother. she still remembers. my husband's father passed away five years later when my youngest was only two. he really didn't understand. he just knew that grandaddy was gone. thank God for pictures and video. he is twelve now and has one memory of grandaddy.......letting him sit in his lap to drive the pickup to feed the cows. spend time making memories, lots of them. take lots and lots of pictures. videos too. can she leave a personal note for your son, perhaps to be read later in his life? knowing she took the time to leave him a special message would be very meaningful to him in later years. so sorry you are having to deal with such a situation. but you have time. use it . the hardest part of my mother and father-in-law's passings was having to tell my children. you are in my prayers. God bless and give you peace when that time comes.

Answer 10

tell him that our bodies are like machines, and when they get old parts stop working right. The dr's can only fix so much, but then the body has to stop.