Relationship problems with my dad and by extension mom?

Question

I'm 20 years old and for my whole life I remember my dad being a critic. He's been harsh on me, verbally and sometimes physically abused me but we started getting closer before I left for college. In my first year of college i went away and for whatever reason i failed out and came home and had to start all over in a community college. Since then (2 years) my dad has been ashamed that I'm in community college and lost a year. Whenever he talks to my sister he tells her things like "don't be like your sister" "you're my last hope", "she's a failure" and things like that. He never talks to me directly unless forced and it's usually small talk and he's still bitter about it. I can hear him fighting with my mom through the walls about how it's like he'd rather he didnt have a daughter than having a stupid ugly one, or that i'll never get married. When me or my sister do something wrong, the blame mostly falls on me. They take family vacations without me and when i came home from college

he gave my sister my room and left me to her small room. Since then my sister and him have had a pleasant relationship but mine and his worsens. My mother takes his side even though she understands what i'm going through. Today he basically said he only had one daughter and that i'm a piece of trash to him. Apparently he doesn't want to see me or talk to me and he told me he's trying to "isocolate" me from the rest of the family. I don't know how to fix it, i know he's my dad and i've tried everything. I'm going to school fulltime and i don't have a job and i'm broke. I'm seriously thinking how i can get away from him because i feel like living in this house has damaged me mentally and it's emotionally exhausting. Any advice if i should work it out or what i should do?

Answer 1

Well I have a LARGE idea of what you can do to get your respect back, but thats beyond this forum, you want that, you'd have to get it from me, I'm not going to willing give it out anymore. Now for peace of mind (this I can give you) realize your mother is in survival mood. It isn't about love one someone more then the other, as much as its about keeping the BIGGER picture moving, namly the whole family (including him) happy. Him being the "man" means of course that his happiness is a bigger factor then everyone else, so just don't feel bad for your moms actions, do feel sad, it didn't have to be this way, but understand thats the way our culture does it. Now as for the dad he doesn't know how to relate to you, does that make you ugly or stupid, heck no, those are all matters of opinion. The problem is that he doesn't know how to get..... pride from you, or how to be proud of you, because quite frankly he doesn't know how to do it for himself.This stems from what you've known all your life, your dad doesn't know how to love. So just boil it down to this, there OLDER KIDS!!! THats it, trying to survive in a world they don't understand, yea getting out of there, short of diggin the truth out of me, is your best bet, but you should also realize eventually the truth will catch up with you, there your family, there your identy and the fact is in our world today, we most advance past them to save them, its not about religion, its about your individual spirtuality, about YOU finding purpose, thru that you can fix this...... if not, just find peace that people DO see the good in each other, and someday, someone well for you, besides if your ever out in southeast oklahoma, I'll atleast give you that truth or at the least some companianship. Besides that in the above situation your heart will find away, you'll find other people you can be as close to, that you can call THEM family, I did.....

Answer 2

your dad sounds like an ****. why doesn't your mum stick up for you. i believe that you should move out, when you can afford it. and if i were you i would seek help talk to someone.
talk to your mum tell her how you feel, ask her to talk to your dad. he sounds like he has big problems you don't treat children like that.