I have had a past history of bein in abusive relationships and i want to make sure that this doesnt happen to me in the future i do not stay in them but always attract bad boys who pretend to ne sweet please help me i have wrecked my self esteem and many aspets of myu life have suffered as a consequence of this.
2007-09-24 10:42:17 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Be in control. Sorry to sound so simplistic, but the reason you get into these relationships is that subconsciously you are denying your own ability to take control. You want to believe that fate is to blame! It's not! Take control!
Good luck to you!
2007-09-24 10:48:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well you've done the most difficult part - found the problem. There are several ways to go about fixing it, most of which sound much easier than they are.
First, work on your self esteem. Unfortunately, low self esteem is the leading cause of women winding up in abusive relationships. Reming yourself regularly that you're special and worth being treated as well as you treat others. When making decisions, stop to think is this really the healthiest thing for me - is this really what I want. Starting to put yourself first in your life decision making will be a big step.
Second, start looking to meet people in new places. If there's a certain type of person you are attracted to so far, perhaps expanding your social circle to new areas and groups will also expand who attracts your interest.
Third, therapy is always helpful. Therapy with a professional can really help you get to the root causes and give you an ongoing double-check that your decision making is continuing to be healthier for you.
Fourth, use your friends and family - people that truly care about you and want to see you happy and healthy. Ask their opinion on new people you meet - and LISTEN!!!
These are some of the next steps. But before you try any of them - pat yourself on the back for recognizing the problem and looking for ways to fix it.
Good luck and I hope you find your happy ending!
2007-09-24 17:53:54 · answer #2 · answered by rose1077 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You attract them with your low self esteem, you need to be in control of your own emotions, try new things other than looking for a relationship, take time to know yourself, practice sports, yoga, pilates or other exercises, travel when you can(inside or outside) develop a new you by meeting new people with different points of view of the world, get along with anything that is pure positiveness, remember that you cant save other ones if you're on the same boat that is going to crash, leave those for the captain!
And please quit seeking for any type of relationship, remember that the best and ginuwine things in life happens naturally and not artificially programmed.
Happiness on your Journey!
2007-09-24 18:41:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is something in these relationships (not the abuse) that you find appealing. You might look at what it is that draws you to certain people so you can identify the common denominator. At least you are recognizing that it is an abusive relationship. The you just end it immediately, rather than going on thinking it will get better when you know it won't.
2007-09-24 18:49:34 · answer #4 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and get to know your next partner slowly, maintain your independance, friends and social scene. Keep a look out for any signs of anger or slightly 'odd behaviours. Sometimes your instinct will 'kick in just from seeing a certain look in his eyes. Do not allow anybody to control you and also dont be secretly a bit pleased if he appears a bit jealous initially -- it could get much worse. Let him know you have a very good close relationship with your family and friends, and that you are open with them. I also think its wise not to advertise the fact that you have been bullies/abused/controlled in previous relationships, as i think this knowledge also attracts that type of person?
You can go to your GP and asked to be referred for Talking Therapy or Counselling.
Good Luck take care of yourself
2007-09-24 17:57:50 · answer #5 · answered by ♥ Glitterbomb ♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay away from jealous guys , If they always want to know where you are and has no trust , It is time for you to stay away from them.
If they are drinkers , and stay out late at night , 90 percent chance they are alcoholics.
If they use drugs , or past history 90 percent chance they will continue to use some where down the line .
If they talk about s*x , all the time thats all they want .
If they hold the door for you , bring you flowers , thats , the man for you.
Stay away from guys that talk about other women , 90 percent chance they are a ladies man ., And they want every woman they lay eyes on .
2007-09-24 17:57:46 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just went through a divorce in which the last three years of it were in an abusive marriage. I know how you feel. When I look back to past relationships prior to being married I realize that some of those too were abusive...although they were not physical abuse. Since my separation, I have gone through counseling and anger managment classes....I wasn't the one with the anger issue, but going through any kind of abuse makes one angry at the world....anyway, it was a suggestion of my mom's because she thought I was always angry...and I was because of what I lived in the last three years. But it has helped....tremendously! The teach you very important skills to recognize in yourself and how to look for friends and partners in which are not co-dependent on you. I highly recommend this! Just as an abuser needs counseling....the victims also need it as well...we need to learn to find satisfaction with ourselves and learn to heal from all the damage that has been done!!! Good luck in your recovery! I'm doing wonderful and finding that the new people I have in my life as friends are completely different from people I use to surround myself with!
2007-09-24 17:57:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
You can always tell if a man is going to be an abuser, but its generaly later on in the relationship. Just note him if he gets really angry really fast or has a drinking problem, temperment is a big indicator that he is an abuser. But good for you not sticking in the relationship, you go girl
2007-09-24 17:49:05 · answer #8 · answered by jslavens69 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have the choice to recognise the warning signs or ignore them but believe me they will be present if you meet another abusive man.You have to tune yourself into acknowledging what becomes uncomfortably familiar and nip the relationship in the bud before you go down the same road.Stay single for a while to get to know yourself first.It's great to devote time to yourself after an abusive relationship.
2007-09-24 17:58:06 · answer #9 · answered by Niamh 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't EVER give second chances....no matter how much you love them - not ever...never, never. Once they have abused you they will always do it.
Be strong. Don't allow anyone to own you - you are worth more than that.
You don't state if you ever move in with them soon after knowing them (it happens) - don't do it - be on your own for a while, it doesn't stop you from not only making more friends but gives YOU the time to find the right partner.
Just remember - there is no love in violence.
2007-09-24 19:31:14 · answer #10 · answered by Leu 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
These patterns could be to do with childhood, and a father figure as this is the first male role model in a womans life. I would suggest seeking therapy. There are also looks of books on this stuff, and info on the net, try this link below........ x
2007-09-24 18:43:49 · answer #11 · answered by farleyjackmaster 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋