Ok, getting married next October and we have a budget now for our wedding. My fiance and I are going to assume that my mother isn't going to help us pay for it (mainly bc she's getting divorced and works just enough to pay for bills and then some), but my gparents (on both sides) are going to help pay for some (mainly bc they've got money coming out their ears, lol). How do I go about asking who's going to help pay and what for? Should I let them bring it up? We aren't formally engaged, but he's going to propose this year. We decided to go ahead and start planning, so we're not so stressed and he'll propose this year. Any ideas/suggestions/help on how to go about asking that question is helpful!! Thanks a million!!
2007-09-24 10:26:45 · 19 answers · asked by Cassy B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Hi and congratulations on your upcoming engagement and wedding!
First, wait until you are formally engaged. Then......DON'T ASK!!!! Please wait until they bring it up. They may say...."we would like to pay for the flowers" or else, "here is a check for $2,000 do with it what you want."
In any case, there is no way to "bring it up" to them.....you must wait until they offer.
Good luck and happy planning!
2007-09-24 10:36:33 · answer #1 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
First, you are engaged, cuz you are planning the wedding in earnest, but maybe you just haven't done the details of it yet (the ring, asking dad, etc.) Don't stress it, I didn't choose which ring I wanted until a month before the wedding (not reccomended, it was a rush to get it sized before the date).
Announce the engagement and let your family know what you have planned on doing based on what you can afford. Once you announce it, offers will come in for help. But do this soon, since it takes at least 6 months to plan, you need to know what your budget really will be after you get the offers from those who can (and you never know, grandma might end up being cheap and only spring for $100 bucks).
And be aware, when others chip in for the wedding, they might want to have some say in what the plans are, and they almost always end up asking you to invite some distant friend of theirs or some third cousin that you have never met and you will feel obligated since they pitched in.
The best idea is to really do it yourself, and then make it really your and your fiancee's day. But I understand that it is expensive and hard to do it all alone. Just be aware that the money almost always comes with strings attached.
Good luck, and Congrats!
2007-09-25 05:48:11 · answer #2 · answered by Jenni P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll be honest in saying that if you are old enough to get married, you should be old enough to pay for your own wedding. Just because grandparents have money coming out their ears does not automatically say that they are going to give you money. Unless they have already told you in the past that they have 'x' amount of money for your future wedding, ASSUME NOTHING. Budget your own wedding and proud that you accomplished this task.
My case in point: I assumed my grandmother and parents would be financially assisting us in our wedding. I was somewhat wrong. While they did offer to pay for some smaller things, the bulk of the wedding is what we paid on our own; and worked our buts off for it! We even postponed our wedding so we could financially afford that kind of wedding we wanted without being a burden. It was very kind and generous that my parents and grandmothers helped. It was a gift-NOT an expectation.
All the best to you!
2007-09-24 18:25:37 · answer #3 · answered by Sharon F 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't see how you can plan for a wedding and he hasn't proposed... I mean it is a man proposing that he will get married to the woman right?
Anyways, I know all to well how awkward it is when it comes to talking about money... especially if it involves spending other people's money. There really is no magic formula to talk to them about it. I would just find something they want to be involved in (say your grandmother wants to go shop for your dress). It would be the perfect opportunity to talk about your wedding plans (like the centerpieces blah blah) and also about the money. The more your grandparents are involved the easier it will be to talk to them about finances.
I hope this helped a little!
(Good luck and have fun!)
-Leslie
2007-09-24 17:43:26 · answer #4 · answered by cheezbawl2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off...if you are planning a wedding, you ARE engaged. Engagement is the agreement to marry, and it sounds like you both have agreed to marry each other. So by not calling yourself engaged, you're beating around the bush; just call it what it is - engagement - and plan your wedding openly, instead of in secret. If the grandparents had already spoken up about pitching in, they will probably bring it up again when you discuss your engagement and your wedding with them. This is when you ask them (tactfully) how much they would be willing to "contribute."
2007-09-24 17:43:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Sit them down & go through a general list of what the average wedding budget.
Also as they are putting up the money, ask them if they want anyone invited or included on the day & any traditions that they would like you both to uphold etc.
2007-09-25 00:38:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would think the best thing to do is wait until you have a ring and a date before you announce anything.
you never ever ask for money. it will be offered or not, but you don't ask. the best thing for you to do is plan your wedding as though you are paying for everything yourself. then you let others offer to help with whatever.
congrats on your upcoming wedding, october is the best month to be married in - cause we were lol - enjoy your planning!
2007-09-24 19:07:20 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are getting ahead of yourself. You should wait until he actually proposes to start planning. Until you are fomally engaged, don't start planning. it just doesn't make sense.
And it is rude to assume anyone is going to contribute to your wedding. You didn't say your grandparents ARE going to contribute to your wedding for sure and just because they have lots of money doesn't mean they are going to or have to. Grandparents usually don't help pay for wedding. Don't ask them that is soo rude. If they would like to help, they will tell you.
2007-09-24 22:58:15 · answer #8 · answered by BTB2211 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's tough when someone offers to "contribute" and you don't know to what extent. I understand, you aren't being greedy, you just want to plan accordingly. The right thing to do is plan as though you were paying for it yourself. They will make it known what they want to contribute, and they may even come forward once you're formally engaged.
I've found that parents and relatives like to pay for certain things as opposed to just giving you money. For example, "We'd like to pay for the bar" or "We'll cover the flowers".
2007-09-24 19:29:56 · answer #9 · answered by eli_star 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st off I would wait to ask for any money until you are actually engaged!
But if your grand parents have already offered to pay for some, I would just say something to them both, Let them know you are in the middle of planning the wedding, and was wondering what they would like to help with money wise? See if they can give you a budget and so on? The best thing is to just come out and ask!
Good luck to you!
2007-09-24 17:37:07 · answer #10 · answered by Jennifer C 3 · 0⤊ 4⤋