My wife and I were enjoying a nice evening together last night, carving a pumpkin and sipping on some wine, and the phone rang...
it was my wife's older sister. She wanted to borrow 100 dollars in order to pay off a ticket and that if she did not pay if there would be a warrant out for her arrest. She is already on probation and if she goes back to jail she'll have to do 2 years.
she has no job, no car or anything that a responsible 27 year old woman should have.
should I rescue her and give her the money?.. or should I be firm and say no.
I know that if I give her this money.... I will never see it again
My gut wants to tell her to get a job at mcdonalds and walk to work...
but, having to see the look on my wife's face when she has to tell her sister no... will just kill me.. and I dont want her to go to jail...
any insight would be appreciated.. thanks in advance
2007-09-24 09:41:48 · 9 answers · asked by death_by_stereo 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Gosh you are in a tight place! What is best for her sister may not make your wife the happiest camper. 27 and no job? If you do give her the money I fear you may have lost it as well. Even if you put conditions on the "loan", there is no guarantee what so ever that the conditions will be met. Sometimes, tough love can be the hardest correct decision to make.
Good Luck!
2007-09-24 09:49:59 · answer #1 · answered by lanceannette 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I gave my brother $500 to get out of trouble. I never saw that money either, and it's been about 4 years, and now we are not even on speaking terms. The last time I asked my brother about the money he said he didnt care if he ever paid me back or not. I would just not give that sister the $100, especially if you know she will never pay you back. You work too hard for your money and have your own responsabilities. So what if she goes to jail, maybe she will learn that it's not so hard to walk to work.
2007-09-24 16:58:51 · answer #2 · answered by lpogue2005 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you and your wife need to discuss it. Tell her that in the long run she isn't helping her sister by fixing all of her problems. That her sister is an adult and needs to take care of her own problems and messes or deal with the consequences of her actions.
If you do give her the money this time, make it clear that it will be the last time. Even though you know you won't get the money back, make sure her sister knows you expect it back and give her a time frame. Make sure her sister knows too, this is the absolute last time.
2007-09-24 16:51:36 · answer #3 · answered by wondermom 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
We have one of these in our family too. I'm the one that he calls to bail him out of everything too. We have one rule. He absolutely has to pay me back. It doesn't matter how long it takes and he must be making an earnest effort. If he doesn't then he's cut off for good. He always manages to find the money to pay and I'm sure your sister in law can to. Tell your wife this has to be the rule and she must tell her sister so. She's 27, and the two of you should not be supporting her which in this case is also supporting her behavior.
2007-09-24 17:03:06 · answer #4 · answered by rcButterfly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Out of respect to your wife, you need to give her the money. It's only $100, and this is her sister. I have a brother that sounds just like her sister. I would help him out to a minimum. I believe family's need to take care of each other. Good luck either way.
2007-09-24 16:58:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your wife needs to talk about this in depth. Not only about this time around, what what your game plan is for the NEXT time her sister calls.
You are right, chances are, you will never see that money again. This young woman, is NOT being a responsible adult and may need "tough love" to wake up.
I love my husband to death. My husband made some mistakes and committed a non-violent crime. He had to go to prison and I wouldn't bail him out. Only he can learn from his mistakes, I can't do it for him.
If you give in, you are enabling her to go to you and her sister any time life throws her a curve ball instead of finding a way to go through life and dealing with challenges.
2007-09-24 16:51:41 · answer #6 · answered by Erica, AKA Stretch 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree... discuss the WHOLE situation with your wift.
Every time her sister will call for a rescue, the ante will be upped... you know that. The next time she will go to the electric chair.
Every subsequent rescue cements you as the "go-to" for bailouts.
You two have to agree to drawing the line somewhere. If you give her money this time, you have to tell her (and mean it) that this is indeed the last time. If you tell her to find another patsy, she probably will.
2007-09-24 17:13:15 · answer #7 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that is hard. But ultimately she is your wife's family. Your wife will want to help her. I would tell her it's time you got a job or try to talk to your wife and see how she really feels about it. She may be tired of it too. Good Luck.
2007-09-24 16:54:35 · answer #8 · answered by ooh2sweet2b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her NO. Do you think she would pay a $100 ticket for you if you got one?
2007-09-24 17:02:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋