Should I let my daughter stay with her dad for awhile?

Question

Actually it's not a while just a week. But the point is he didn't even ask and he expects me to just get her ready to go when he gets off work so he can come and get her. he doesn't even have his own place he stays with his mom now that we are seperated. She really wants to go but I don't know if I should let her since he thinks I'm supposed to jump just cause he wanted me to. What should I do?

Answer 1

I absolutely understand how you feel and despite what some may say there is a subtle control factor there. Without knowing your ex, it's hard to say whether this is deliberate or not, but there's very little doubt that this kind of thing will happen in the future. I think everyone assumes that you can talk and work these things out, but that's not always possible - the best advice I've seen so far is to graciously let her go this time and assert that out of respect for you and your daughter these things need to be AGREED to in advance. Then decide how you're going to handle this when it happens again.

Of course, you're the mom - only you know if his parents are good grandparents and good influences on your daughter, what kind of a situation she'll be in there, and what kind of care she'll get for a week. Age is an important factor, too - yes girls need positive male role models in their lives, but when they're under a certain age they need stability and routine even more than that.

Best of luck to you!!

Answer 2

First off doesnt matter where he stays as long as there is a roof over her head and she will have food and isnt going to be in danger. Many people that are divorcing end up back at mom and dads so that shouldnt be an issue at all! If he didnt ask how do you know he wants to do this did he call and say "hey I want her for a week get her things ready?" if there is NO court order stating when he can visit you do not have to however if my daughter's father wanted to take her for a week and I trusted him I'd let her go. If you dont let her go what will your explination be to your child? Personally I say let her go a child need their father.

Answer 3

You should speak to your ex-husband and tell him that you need to plan stuff like this. What if you had something that you wanted to do with your daughter that week? I say speak to your ex-hubby and make arrangements and make him understand that if he says jump then you'll probably just give him the evil glare instead of asking 'how high?'. I think you should let her go (staying with her grandma and dad would be fun for her, I am a divorce child as well and staying with dad was always fun) but still have that talk with your ex-husband and make him understand that you two need to co-operate and that he can't expect you to jump at his command.

Answer 4

Hi! I know that you obviously have some problems with your ex but if he is making an effort to see your daughter then I think it is best to let him. He isn't going to take her to the street or anything especially if he is staying with his mom. She will probably also like to see her too. Anyhow, you can't let your feelings affect your daughter's relationship with her father. It will only make her feel caught in the middle.

My parents were divorced when I was a young teen and it really had a bad impact on my future as a young adult. Because of my parents both warring with eachother and using me as a way to hurt the other, it hurt me the most. I finally got my life together and managed to grow up and take care of myself. What was a sad story, ended years ago when I learned to rely on myself. But my parents to this day are still at war, only I have moved forward and I have a great husband and two beautiful kids of my own.

My point is that it is so important for a child to feel that they always belong to their mother and father, regardless of separation or family problems. By stopping and limiting her, you could be making her feel like she is the cause of the situation and that will affect her self esteem one day. She needs to be confident. If and when you remarry or find another partner they must know that she comes first, they must be willing to allow her, her rights as your child and the same for your ex...

I understand that you have your own reasons for separating but it never gives you the right to separate your child too. He loves her. That should be enough to push away those negative feelings you have. As long as he loves her and shows his love it should keep things civil.

Answer 5

If he is not a danger, then by all means let her go. It is very important that kids know both parents. Statistics show that kids who still have both parents in their lives get better grades in school and are more well adjusted.

I can completely understand that there may be issues between the two of you, and you shouldn't have to jump when he says so. I would let the kid go, but talk to him and work out a schedule for future visits so you can plan around it. As much as you may hate this guy, just remember why you are doing it; for your kid.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

He's living with the child's grandmother -- gee, sounds like a positive thing to me!!! I'm a grandma. It's hard for people to get on their feet after a divorce and when you are the one required to pay child support -- it's extremely hard. Don't deny your daughter her daddy -- ever -- UNLESS she is being abused. You need to get along with him from now on --- he's going to be in your life because he is your daughter's dad. Learn to live with that and it will be healthier for your little girl --- PLUS the nicer you are (and accommodating) -- then you two can work out something where he won't ask at the last minute. Maybe the last minute was all he could do and let you know as soon as he could?????

Answer 7

You didn't mention the daughters age? I would say let her go. A week isn't that long, and if he is living with his mother, then Grand mom gets a chance to spoil the baby a while. If you deny this you are not just hurting you child, but hurting the grandparent too. Think about that one. To many times grandparents and other relatives suffer at the discrepancies of a parents squabble over a child.

Answer 8

Parents should never ransom their child off. The child if happy visiting both should be allowed.
I have always found the kids can adapt a lot faster than the parents.

When you are talking to your ex, it should be quick and to the point. Lots of time it may seem demanding but what do you expect him to say? Darling "please, please darling, I want to see my daughter. I know you slave and work hard to bring her up with little help from me. I love paying the child support and maybe I should pay more even if I don't see her."

All joking aside, some couples go through hell and some make being separated parents work.

Answer 9

This isn't about you. It's about her and her father. Of course it is annoying that he expects you to jump when HE is ready. Oh well. I'd be thankful he's involved and wants to spend time with her. Why should she be kept from seeing her dad because he annoys you? Make it work. Ask him that in the future, he give you notice.

Answer 10

I think it would be a wonderful, unselfish and womanly thing to do for you to let her go. Remember, I takes two to make a baby. I think she should get to see her dad. But it's not a heathly example that he doesn't have a house. The same thing happened to my uncle, but he has a house. Talk to him about getting a jobr a better job if he already has one. Tell him it would keep you more calm if he had a place of his own.