I have a 4yr old boy. The mother has 3kids my boy and a 2yr old boy from a different Father and another one on the way from the 2yr old boys brother. Complicated i know. Well she doesnt work. Lives of the system.She doesnt have car, her phone # changes weekly. Her place is a mess and i just wish she would see it on her own that my boy would be better of with me. I have tried to get help but they say i make to much. I just want to do the right thing. Nothing can be cool, it has to explode with here. The latest thing is i have a girlfriend that lives with me and i trust her with everything. She watches my kid from time to time when i go to the store or things like that. My baby momma is saying that my girlfriend is spanking him and im pretty sure she would not do that and if she did she would tell me. I asked my girlfriend if she spanked my kid and she said no. I believe her. Now my baby momma wants to do monitored visits. I just want to do the right thing. What should i do?
2007-09-24 07:15:49 · 8 answers · asked by Mike P 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Wow, similar boat here, except I am the girlfriend, now the wife. We have a name for it...."baby mama drama". The first thing is...do you have rights to the child at question? I mean a legal document saying you are the father and you have custody and visitation of some sort? In my case my husband did not, that psycho (who can't get her own act together) would hold my step-son like a toy in front of my husband. Here is a tip, the more you get YOUR act together, the worse hers will become.
No court is going to believe a 4 year old about spanking, at least that is what they said in Georgia, my step son just turned 5. In Georgia the person who gets the child has to be the more "stable" parent. This can mean anything from the place you live to the job you have. If you can prove that you are the more stable environment you can get your son, but it is a long and expensive process. Finally what we had to do was put a second mortgage on our house, which actually allowed us to pay off our credit card bills and wound up being the best thing we could have done. You need to find something to borrow against, or something to sell. You need to get a second job; you need to do anything you can to get the $2000 retainer for the lawyer (which is about what it will cost initially).
What ever job you are at, stay there, if you can buy a house do it, if you are renting, stay there no matter what the rent hike. If you love your gf and you really see a life with her, then even if you see the idea of marriage as a sham you should really consider it. You have to be able to prove you are the stable parent. Your kid is about to start "Real School", with this becomes real responsibility from both you and him. He needs a stable nest to grow from or he will fail socially, education wise, and will go down the path of trash that your ex is certainly on and become a burden to the system. If at all possible you need to get your kid more. If you can show the ex how much better her life is without another kid she will let you have him more and more (KEEP A CALENDER!)...then have her still pay for daycare since she gets it almost free from the system anyway, then become buddies with the daycare and they will go to court saying you have had him more and he is a better more manageable kid coming from your house, because to be honest if it is that chaotic at your ex's trust me he is having behavior problems in school.
Your son needs you, and face it, if you don't try and he does go down the path that your ex is on, you will never forgive yourself. Will you be able to look your son in the eye when he is 16 and tell him that you did all you could......is it worth it to you? Feel free to e-mail me if you want to talk more.
2007-09-24 07:38:03 · answer #1 · answered by CaCO3Girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all talk to the 4 year old ask if the girlfriend is spanking him. As for the baby momma drama it sounds like she is jealous of the new girl and just wants attention, she is the mother of your child so you will always have to put up with her but you have to set boundaries and if the best way to do that is by going to court then do it. Before you do document every thing, take pictures of her house, and document her income and lifestyle as it compares to the home life you could provide. Good luck.
2007-09-24 07:23:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get a legal arrangement and stick to it. Period. If you are that convinced that the boy would be better with you, you need to fight for him. Fight to have primary custody and let her have visits.
Remember also that you kids mom is probably just being nasty. If you think your son is okay with the girlfriend, trust your instincts, just keep your eyes open just in case.
2007-09-24 07:21:43 · answer #3 · answered by sgirlfab 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask your 4 year old what's going on when he's alone w/your gf. I have a 4 year old and she is very verbal and will answer any question you ask her. Also, you need to ask him what is going on at his mom's house. There could be grounds for you to get custody of your child.
2007-09-24 07:24:08 · answer #4 · answered by ¤¤Je§§ica¤¤ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go & get yourself a lawyer asap. Do this before she does & before she tells them about how she feels about your girlfiend watching your child! Good Luck, but seek legal help asap.
2007-09-24 07:25:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like you need to take a trip to court.if the living conditions are not good for one.if you think that you can provide a better home for your child than,you need to try to do that.
2007-09-24 07:22:55 · answer #6 · answered by amy m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have no lady in your life, go file for custody of your son and raise him yourself.
2007-09-24 07:33:21 · answer #7 · answered by Sheila 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you a need a lawyer..but beware..the courts are not in the habit of sperating siblings.
2007-09-24 07:25:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋