Ok so here’s the thing, I just found out my husband has been cheating on me with a girl he works with. He says he has ended it and doesn’t want anything to do with her anymore and that he has told her that on a couple of occasions. He has repeated to me over and over again that he is sorry but it’s hard to believe him after all the lies he has told me. Well anyways, this girl is repeatedly putting things on her myspace profile about their relationship to include a picture she took with him. He told me that he told her to stop doing that because its hurting me and our relationship. I know she is not going to give up so easily and she will continue to harass me and go after him. While I no longer go into her profile to see what she is putting because this was hurting me, I know that other people are seeing what she’s putting and this is embarrassing to me. Last week I was almost positive she called the house to talk to him even though my husband told me it wasn’t her because he had just talked to her again that day about leaving us alone. I have already told my husband to quit his job but he doesn’t want to because of the money. We live in an area where unemployment is high and he wouldn’t make what he makes now anywhere else and we have a lot of bills. He says he is waiting to pass certain exams to work for the INS and then he is out of there. So in the mean time, what should I do? Is there a way I can get her fired? I have gotten a person fired from work before because of the shady things this person was doing but I don’t know what I can pin on this girl since I don’t work there. Is fraternizing illegal? Could I accuse her with their boss of harassing us? I need this girl out of our lives for good without getting my husband fired!
2007-09-24 06:20:37 · 37 answers · asked by alexn 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you to all for the advice. I talked with him yesterday and I told him that if she keeps harassing him that he needs to tell me about it first of all and since he already told her more than once to leave her alone, that he should talk with his boss or put a no contact/restraining order against her. This I think will make her get the point that we mean business. So I was wondering, what happens if you DO put a restraining order against someone and they come after you anyway. Do they get jail time or just a slap on the hand?
2007-09-25 05:13:59 · update #1
Honestly all of this is in your husbands hands. I truly hope that you and your husband go into counseling over this and get some professional advice and direction on this!!! You are really in a terrible dilemma with your marriage and I can only imagine how hard it would be to see my husband going to work everyday to see her! I could say leave your husband but I am not you and your feelings about everything are your own....but I truly don't think that I could handle all this without it making me sick! In your heart you know that all communication has to be stopped between the two of them for your marriage to survive this and if you contact your husbands boss he really could lose his job. This is a real problem because your household needs the paycheck to keep things going. On the other hand you cannot go on this way emotionally and the only choice you have is to take a risk and go to his boss and hope for the best. You honestly have nothing to lose at this point because if this woman keeps going after him and weakens your husband at some point you are going to lose everything about your marriage anyway!! Even if things do settle down eventually you will still be dealing with your own heart and emotions for your husband betraying you in the worst way. He shattered your trust and you will never feel the same about him again. Now everyone at his job is probably aware of him cheating on you and this is humiliating for you in itself that you will always hate his job and him working there. You really have a lot of emotions that you have to work through here for yourself to know if it is all worth it to you so get with a counselor and talk all of this out so you can focus on you. Your husband caused this situation to happen and I would give all the problems over to him. In the mean time get all your ducks in a row and look into some college and set up your own future to survive without him someday if he he ever does this to you again! Do whatever it takes to make it in this world because you are the only one you can truly count on! Your husband has some severe problems about his own life and choices and you cannot allow him to bring you down no matter how tuff things get!
2007-09-24 06:56:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
First of all going after the girl will not solve anything, your husband needs to cut off all communication with her if he is really serious about leaving her alone. If she gets fired who's to say they will stop seeing each other? If your husband really wants that girl out of his life believe me he knows what to do to make that happen. The girl is only reacting because your husband let her in so now she feels she has rights that is your husband so you need to check your man and tell him that you don't know what needs to be done but he needs to do whatever it to make that problem go away or he can join her, you have to put your foot down.
2007-09-24 06:41:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honestly the best solution is to move on, get back in shape and let him see you with a younger, hotter guy. But if your just looking to do something evil and not worry about your own happines, arrange a threesome with people he is close to, like his brother, co worker, or best friend, and let him walk in on you guys. Just keep in mind, an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. All the little things wont be enough, you will want him to hurt just as much as you, and if you cant forgive him, your behavior will never end. Accept it and move on, or have some self respect and leave.
2016-04-05 23:07:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off it Im so sorry about this !
It sounds like your husband could be ,being shady his self I don't like cheater's sorry its pretty bad you can catch diseases or anything !
Also if he really is truly sorry he would quit his job to prove he is sorry for what he has done and he would prove his love for you .
You and your husband should seek professional help
because it will eat at you and eat at you because it has me
I have been cheated on and it hurts and it doesnt just hurt but it makes your heart hurt and your mind wondering and thinking and you will lose sleep and you will not eat its horrible when I found out about what my spouse did to me I lost 25 lbs from not eating and it drove me to smoking because I was so upset but all people are different !
Of course I dont smoke anymore
and things seem to be better in my life !
On that second note I dont think you can get her fired maybe there is a loophole but I have no ideal !
Im so sorry again ! GOODLUCK may god bless you~
2007-09-24 06:38:14 · answer #4 · answered by Amanda B 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your husband is upset because he got caught. Getting her fired isn't the answer. You can get a restraining order against her. And if you don't believe what he is saying then I for sure would end the relationship. Trust is of great importance. She is making an *** out of herself. People don't take too kindly to home wreckers....... Keep your chin up, head held high and walk right down to the courthouse and get some divorce papers and file that restraining order.
2007-09-24 06:33:59 · answer #5 · answered by dazednconfused 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
First of all, quit blaming the other woman. She never made any commitments to you, your husband did. She never promised to love, honor and cherish you, your husband did. Some people have moral ethics, others do not. Quit blaming her, instead learn from her. She wants your husband, your husband is willing to lie (and cheat) to you so that he may be with her. Let him. Those two deserve each other. Why are you willing to lower your standards to be around either one of them? He's not worth it. You can't change other people, you can only change yourself and the way you react to them. There's someone out there waiting on someone just like you, someone that can keep a promise. It's really not a hard thing to do. Are you having difficulty keeping your promises to him? Re-examine your relationship, I'm sure it's not as rosy as you hope.
2007-09-24 06:35:35 · answer #6 · answered by floridagirl1261 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You and he can file a restraining order against her. This may get her fired if it were served on her at work. Also, you can file a motion with the court requesting a no contact order. This can be amended to include some of the online things you've discussed.
Hope this helps.
2007-09-24 06:27:21 · answer #7 · answered by Allison P 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The right thing to do is for him to ignore her like the plague, pretend she never existed that is the only way to salvage your marriage, he has no reason to even say boo to her, look the other way. It will fizz it's self out once no more fuel has been added to the fire. He then has to step up to the plate and be the best husband he can be to you, that is his only role to fullfill at this point. She will get all pissy about things and try to make things worse so just stay clear, she is being vindictive as he dumped her to stay with you.
2007-09-24 06:39:24 · answer #8 · answered by Maria A. 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If fraternizing is against work policy, you wouldn't' be able to do that without involving your husband too. You are annoyed with her and I understand why, but it is your husband that made this mess, not her. She should be mature enough to leave you guys alone, but he is the one that got involved with her. She apparently has feelings for him and is trying to eliminate the competition, much the same way you are. All you can do is ignore it. Even if you can say she is harassing you, and nothing you wrote here says that she is, she wouldn't lose her job over it. You don't want to involve the boss into your private life. You need to keep personal problems at home, not air them out at work. Bosses don't want to be dragged into the middle of people's live. They just want their employees to show up and do their jobs everyday. Once you involve the boss, he may feel it's too much trouble and fire them both. If you have decided to forgive him, then you are going to have to learn to ignore her.
Calling one time and posting on her myspace page isn't harassing you. It's annoying, but not harassment.
2007-09-24 06:35:51 · answer #9 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Getting this girl fired is not going to help you and your marriage.
Work on yourself so that you can be the best, happiest version of yourself. Forget about her completely, but watch your husband. Sometimes cheating will happen only once, but some cheaters get into the habit.
Good luck.
2007-09-24 06:29:20 · answer #10 · answered by Tricia R 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋