What should I do?

Question

I have sister and about three years ago she ranaway. I was always more mature than her so I was always left to take care of her and she pulled this big, "no one gets me, I hate you all" dramatic thing. She even wrote me this big long email talking about how I was a big mistake and I couldn't get over myself, she never wants me as a sister or to see me again. WEll that was fine with me, if she wanted to be like that I told her I was done saving her ***.
Well about 6 months ago she came back, all of my family thinks she has changed but she hasn't. She is still the ***** she was the day she left only now she needed a place to stay. Everyone is getting on my case cause I won't talk to her. She comes to all our family events but I ignore her. If she tries to talk I walk away. I take the whole if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all thing to a new level. I promised her she would never have to hear from me again and I stick by that.

Everyone thinks I'm being a selfish brat. But I'm not going to change. And here's the question this is leading to. My birthday is in a few days and she will be at the party I don't want to except her gift I'm not getting her one when the time comes. So I don't think I should except her's. My father thinks this is rude. But I think it would be more of a rude thing if I excepted it. So the question is. Should I except it and leave it at that. Or just pull her to the side and say. Things between us are not ok so I can't except this?

Thanks I know its a long read.

Let me add this little bit. She didn't appolgize, she doesn't think anything she did was wrong. I over hear a conversation between her and my Father and he said "She's still hurt over that email you sent her." She laughed and said "That was a joke, she's just too stupid to realize that."

Answer 1

Sure, take the present, be nice to face. Give it back later or give it to a friend. I have a brother that is extremely similar, and once he 'went out of his way' to get me a gift he probly stole from someone...well, I took it since it was Christmas, but before he left I gave it back to him and told him if that I hated to break him or anything, and to not put himself out just for a gift. I feel your pain...sibling rivalry is the worst. Hopefully your parents will see the light soon as well, like you do. I wish the best of luck to you.

Answer 2

Go ahead and be "more rude" and accept it anyway. Being a sibling (especially the older sibling) means forgiving and seeing your sister or brother through every little ridiculous phase they enter; you're forever a part of the support system they rely on, and though they occasionally lash out at you, they're only doing that because they feel safe cutting their teeth on you (someone who won't desert them) than on the life situation they're facing that has them overwhelmed. It goes both ways once you're old enough for that dynamic to take shape, but it's time for you to know your role and get back in the game. I'm the older brother (1 of 2), and my brother has done all sorts of crazy things over a lifetime from bucking up at me in church when this other kid was picking on him to driving my car into a lake by accident.(He also gave me a job and a place to stay when I was in a hell of a jam...that's what I'm saying; it goes both ways.) He's still my brother, and I wouldn't change anything about him, then or now. Family is forever, the sooner you recognize that the happier you'll be. Don't piss on your own blessings.

* Read e&j b's question again and let that sink in...think about it, because that's some deep stuff there.

Answer 3

I know where your coming from and I agree with about three of the answers given. Its your choice and you have to live with the one you make. I have an Aunt you is like that, she does things to get attention. Its not healthy for you or her to just give her chance after chance. Family is foreve but even that comes with conditions if you just let her get by with it she'll keep pushing the limit. My husband hadn't talked to his father in years. Finally on his father's death bed his family pushed him to forgive him for what he ahd done. And ever since then my husband has regretted it. He felt like it was a show, just because someone dies doesn't give them the right of forgiveness.
So you have to ask yourself if it is that serious. If she died would you see her? Would you feel regrett for the choice you made? If your answer is yes than who are any of us to call you imature or tell you your breaking up your family? Which by the way if familyis unconditional then your fight with your sister wouldn't break up your family. Just thought I'd point that out to the little missy who through that in your face.
Don't let anyone guilt you into changing your mind no matter what choice you make. Yeilding for their sake just makes you resent not onlyher but everyone else.

Answer 4

Your sister started it, You are being a Little immature because she is trying but if you want her out of your life then that is your choice, Take her aside and say, things are not OK, with us, I don't want you here or in my life, so please take the hint and stay out of it. You family will not understand, but you can't let someone who hurt you back into your life, only to have them do it again, I have done this many times because my family asked me to and I wished I never had. So don't give up and stick to your convictions, She will either take the hint or waste her time.

Answer 5

Pride will do you in, honey.

I have two brothers. They have done far worse to me (threatened to kill me, tried to get my mother to write me out of the will, called the department of children's services on me with unsupported claims, etc.). I do not have anything to do with them right now because of my daughter (I need to protect her). But if they came to me and truly apologized, and I saw a change in them, then I would forgive them.

It sounds to me like you and your sister are both rather young. If you are both over 18 and still living in your parents' home, then you owe your parents a lot, including being polite to your sister. And it never killed anyone to be polite. It would prove to your parents how much more mature you are. I'm not saying you have to eat sh*#, just be nice.

Maybe she will change. Maybe not. Some people take a long time to mature.... and possibly your sister is one of them. (I know I was... I had that attitude with my parents - "I'm over 18 and should be able to do whatever I want." Thankfully, my parents never backed down in their stance of "Not while you live in my home." I had to do some growing up on my own from 19 y/o on. And I have learned one thing - pride is one of our worst enemies when it comes to having true happiness.

Think of it this way... she is the one struggling with her identity and trying to grow up. If you are truly more mature, then do what a mature person would do and give her a chance.

Answer 6

I think you can be civil to her in a family situation like this. You are hurting the rest of your family, and making things extremely uncomfortable for them. I get it that you're mad at your sister, but you don't need to keep punishing her and everyone else in the family. Is it really doing you any good? Are you happier being mad at her?

You don't have to go out of your way to be buddy-buddy with her, or even trust her, for that matter. Just answer when you're spoken to, say thank you when she gives you a gift, and get her one when it's appropriate (you don't have to spend a lot of money on her, or even give it much thought.)

You sound as though you think it's something to be proud of, that you can hold on to your resentments so long, but I don't think it is. You're making yourself unhappy, hurting your whole family, and making yourself look immature (and making her seem more sympathetic to the family, by the way.)

Answer 7

i have the same kind of sister.

she said all that stuff cuz she is jealous of the fact that u have a more positive input on life n stuff .

u were doing the rite thing for awhile .
if she says shes sorry and for u to fogive her u have to put the past behind u .
u might not wanna but its the right thing to do because shes family.

Answer 8

i think, you are not being very mature, and you need to grow up a little bit, sisters are forever, it doesn't matter what she does cause no matter what you'll always love her. its called unconditional love. just remember that when your parents pass away, she's all your going to have left.

Answer 9

I have on question that I hope puts things in perspective for you. How would you feel if she died and you never forgave her or never tried to work things out?
You can't change people, only yourself.

Answer 10

Sorry to hear your story...aren't you so hard to your sis? If she does the first move then why not accept her gift? Who knows this is God's way of putting you together again...She's still your sis...