Is this to old to still be sleeping with Mom?

Question

My boyfriends child is sleeping with his mother every night she has the child. The child is 8. I think that it is becoming a very bad habit. When the child comes to the dad's house the child can't sleep, and is scared to fall asleep. We have lived in this house for a long time now. The child has his own room and use to never have any problems with sleeping in there. He has a night light in the bedroom and a few all over the house. I think it is all because he sleeps with his mother at her house. How can we put a stop to this...What can we do?

I don't want to put his name out there so I am calling him the child. I try to do the best thing for him, his father and his mother both know that. I wouldn't be asking for idea's if I didn't care and love for him.

The mother is re-married, and has another child on the way. Both parents have moved on with thier relationships.

Like I said before...I don't want to put the child's name out in my question. I do care a lot about him. He is mostly always with me. They have been dvorced for 6 years now. She has been remarried for about 4 years.

Answer 1

So this mother has her new husband, a baby in the belly AND an 8 year-old in the same bed???

WOW! How do any of them get any sleep? lol

The boy needs his own space now and needs to prepare for his sibling's arrival (in the bed, no doubt)

When dealing with a second set of parents, you really can't do anything to stop their bed-sharing, but perhaps a child psychologist could persuade them that your stepson will benefit in the long run from independent space.

Good luck! Thanks for caring so much! That boy is lucky to have you!

Answer 2

There are two ways to look at this situation. First, the mother could be overly clingy and encouraging the child to cling to her - hence the bed sharing. Now this situation would affect the child's whole time with his father not just bed time. The second scenario is that the child has some sort of fear of sleeping by himself. I remember being so afraid of the dark that I would sleep with the light on in my bedroom always and would wake up panic stricken in the electricity went out. The child's fear could be related to any number of things so try asking him about what he's afraid of in a non-confrontational way. See if it's monsters (too many scary movies), loss of a loved one (did a family member or friend pass away) or whatever. Maybe his bedroom's too noisy or the lights are bothering him - eight year olds have a hard time expressing what they need sometimes. Once you figure out why the kid's scared then you can work with him to overcome this fear. You could also talk to the Mom and see how she feels about it and see if she has a plan to get it to stop. Maybe she can put his bed in her room and have him sleep in it by himself and then transition him into his own room.

Answer 3

the mother has to put a stop to it before he will be ok at your house again. 8 is definatly to old to be sleeping with mom especially since there is a new baby on the way. Co-sleeping is a bad habbit to break and its stressfully for the child. She has to make the transition as easy as possible for him. she may have to lay with him in his room till he falls asleep for a while. she can break the habbit but its gonna take some time. What you can do while he is at your house it try reading to him in his room till he falls asleep or sit with him till he falls asleep. Let him know that its his room and he is safe there and you guys are not far from him. He is a big boy and he will do ok in the trasition a lot easier than a toddler would. Keep open commincation with the child mom on this situation and work together to fix the issues. gl

Answer 4

It is never too old to sleep with a child, my daughter is 6 and will sleep in my room every now and then as a special treat. It is a problem only in cases like yours where the child can not sleep alone, if that is the case ween him off of it at your house by allowing him to fall asleep in your bed then move him to his or have him lay in his bed and stay with him until he is asleep.

A great trick for if he is scared to sleep alone is a spray bottle with glitter in it tell him it is anti monster juice and have him spray it if he gets scared. It works my daughter had it from the time she was 2 until last year!

Answer 5

I agree that 8 is probably too old for this child to still be sleeping with his mother. You could ask your boyfriend to talk to the mum but if this doesn't work then you could try a few things.

1) Put him into his bed at night and sit with him and read a story. The story might send him to sleep otherwise, he has the comfort that you put him to bed and he can see you when you leave etc. so that he knows nothing is in his room.

2) You could try buying him a toy so that you can tuck him into bed with it and he is safe with it. When I was younger, I had a toy that I wasn't allowed to take out of the house in case I lost it so it mainly stayed in my bed. If I ever woke up scared in the night, I would find my toy and know I was safe because it never went out of my bed.

3) You could try both of these.

I hope these help and good luck! X

Answer 6

Well.. Yes, the child is too old to sleep with his mom.. But, I dont think you should tell anything to the mother .. just to avoid any arguments... Maybe you could just get him used to sleep in his own bed .. you and your boyfriend.. Like maybe your boyfriend can lie on the 8 year old bed with him ( or you if you want) and read him a story, stay with him til he falls asleep.. if he wakes up in the middle of the night because he is scared or wants to come and sleep with you guys.. then go back to his bed, make him fall asleep.. he has to understand...

Maybe your boyfriend can discuss with the mother why the child sleeps with her and suggest to her to follow the same procedures i should explain.. .if you guys don't wanna do it, then maybe the mother will be willing to..

Anyways this is what i would do.. i just don't know how close to the kid you are and if you lobe him lots, etc.. good luck! :-)

Answer 7

I don't think it's too old... I just think that he shouldn't be sleeping with her every night. I have 6 kids... when my husband isn't home I let the 11, 10, and 8 year old take turns sleeping in my room. Then again, it's not all the time and they do sleep in their own room no problem when their dad is home.

Answer 8

in america, this is thought of as too old. but there are countries all over the world where this is an acceptable practice. it sounds like there is an issue with mom and she needs some psychological help (and i mean this in a constructive way) after all, what are her reasons for sleeping with her son every night? is she lonely? is she in a bad relationship with someone else and is trying to avoid intimacy? but you need to find a solution to this because eventually your relationship with the child's father could become strained, if it isn't already, as well as your relationship with the child if you have one. good luck and much love.

Answer 9

My children (11, 9, and 7) all sleep in their own rooms, but when their Dad goes out of town, they like to sleep with me. They take turns - one kid per night - because if I have more than one kid in bed with me, I can't get any rest.

It sounds like the Mom in this case is allowing her son to sleep with her because she feels bad about the break-up of her relationship with the Dad, and it is just the two of them, so they are attached. She may even be doing it because she feels insecure and wants the company.

The poster who said the longer that it continues the harder it will be to break is correct. However, you cannot control anything that happens at the other house - you can only control what happens at your house. You can try talking to the Mom about it, if your BF is on friendly terms with her, but you can't force her to do anything.

I would just make it clear to the child that regardless of the arrangements at Mom's, that this is the situation at Dad's, and no amount of complaining or crying will change his sleeping arrangements. An 8 year old is old enough to understand that.

Answer 10

8 is too old. She is doing this because she is lazy and does not want to train him to sleep in his own bed. Your bf needs to have a talk with her and just explain that if he slept in his own bed at her house it would make things MUCH easier when he is at your house. To be honest it will only take a few nights BUT she has to be consistent and when he wakes up, she has to put him back in his own bed and not let him crawl into her bed at 2 or 3 am. GOOD LUCK!! :)