Is my friend sick?

Question

A friend of mine has told me a secret, and I'm not sure what to think of it. I know he's a good guy. I mean, he's my best friend, I wouldn't normally think anything bad of him, but I don't know how to deal with this.

He told me he has a certain sexual orientation, an orientation people don't know it exists. He says he can fall in love with people that have not necessarily reached the age of consent yet. In fact, he says, age isn't really important at all in his emotional world. He says he is not a pedophile, as I said, he's a good guy and wouldn't hurt anybody, but he admitted there is a sexual component in his attraction to these people.

I wish he never told me this, but now I know this information, I feel obligated to do something. Should I try to get him arrested? Should I call a mental hospital? Should I do nothing, and trust him he won't molest any children? I don't know what to do. I simply don't know.

Lizzy, I'm 15. My friend is 20, though.

Dorim, I thought a pedophile was someone who molested children. But if that's what you think he's gonna do eventually, it doesn't make a difference, I guess. It's just so hard to believe that he's lying to me when he claims molesting children is the last thing I would do.

Answer 1

Yes, he is sick. You should not spend anymore time with him. Tell your parents immediately and let them handle it.

Answer 2

I put it to you that he is a pedophile or one in the making! If it's under age sex he's thinking of or has an orientation for then you have a duty to inform someone. If he does something with an under age person he faces jail and if you knew he had these tendencies that is not going to bode well with others if he's prosecuted.

He's not committed any crimes as you know of yet, but if he told you he wanted to murder someone would you keep quiet about that and all or would you wish to tell someone in case. The fact you posted makes me think you think he may do something - if not why worry?

You say he insists he's not a pedophile. That's not surprising as they don't recognizes that their desires for children are wrong. Can you live with yourself if he acts on those urges? He needs help. Prevention is better than cure!

Answer 3

Yes, your friend is sick. Unfortunately, if he hasn't broken any laws there is nothing you can do. I wouldn't let him babysit or be alone with any children though. People like him really don't think that they are doing anything wrong. They somehow convince themselves that they are the ones that got it right and the rest of society just doesn't understand. He will probably act on his urges someday, I don't think there is anything that can be done to save him or his potential victims unless you can watch him every minute. Something inside is just broken. He will most likely find a job where he can be near children or he will volunteer in an organization where he can be near children. He is sick, sick, sick and he can never be trusted around children. And yes, he is a pedophile. That is what a pedophile is, someone who is sexually attracted to children.

Answer 4

He is sick and may be telling you this information, hoping you will report him. A cry for help maybe. Hopefully he has not hurt any children. I would question him a little more in depth and see if any inappropriate contact with children has or is happening. His emotional world is distorted. Ultimately, you will need to end this friendship. Maybe you can save a child, or many children in the future from being abused. If there have been victims try to find out who the victim(s) are and go to your parent/guardian with the information. Stay strong.

Answer 5

Psychologists have tried making tests for determining who's a pedophile or not. In the time being, make sure that he's not left alone with kids. Also, tell a professional adult about this - it can be the police or just go see your own doctor about it - they will know what to do. He hasn't done something wrong yet, but how can he be sure that he can control himself. Try not to confront him before you've talked to that professional adult.
According to statistics, over 9000 sex offenders are released from prisons in a year.

Answer 6

Does he mean people under the age of 16? Like a 14 year old? If he means younger than that, maybe there is some intervention that you can get for him before he acts on his attraction. Ask a mental health professional or a sexual assault centre. If he's non-compliant than tell the authorities.

Answer 7

If he hasn't done anything, there is nothing to arrest him on. It sounds like he is a potential molester. For me, I would say I cannot see him as a friend any longer because his feelings conflict with how I see we should behave. I would end the relationship. Callling a mental hospital won't help because they cannot do anything with this. He will eventually land himself in prison if he acts on his feelings.

Answer 8

Good God, that's a hard call. I'd try to get some sort of professional opinion on this one. Maybe a school counseler? I just don't know. But I know this... if something happens and you didn't try to do SOMETHING, you'll be haunted by it for a long, long time. Good luck. Hope it doesn't amount to anything.

Answer 9

I think you really need to trust that your "friend" has a little more willpower than you think. It's a primal instinct that encourages your "friend" to think these thoughts, along with pheromones. You are strong, and I know you can enjoy the company of children with a clear conscience if you only look into your own heart and let it be free.

Answer 10

lizzy please please get this guy help before he hurts a inocent child,if a friend of mine told me that i would take them to the police station or a emergency hospital department asap,...please do not leave this alone''''' this man WILL hurt someone,,,please tell whoever you live,you mum,dad whoever.(god damm i hope you dont live with this man) lizzy do something now right this minute ring the hospital they will advise you on what to do ,if they cant ring the police or mental health facility,this man is dangerouse, but the fact he has owned up to it there may be a chance to help him before it is to late, and he rapes a small child and you lose your friend forever ,please let me know what you do.

Answer 11

before you react try to assess first, how old your friend and the partner? maybe your friend reached the satisfactory need through having sex with young ones, he really need your help. and as a friend try to be there with him instead of panicking , its not his fault to be like that. try to discourage him and bring him to a bar if his sexual needs will satisfy with same age individual.