Okay, there is this woman I be-friended, whom I've known for almost 9 months now.
Well, I have a 6-month old son, and she offered to babysit him so that my husband and I can go out and spend some time together. I agreed that would be a great idea, BUT the next day I had to call her and let her know that we wouldn't need her to babysit, but hopefully in a couple weeks we could go out.
Well, she friggin started to make me feel guilty, and though I could not see her, I heard her crying over the telephone. I asked what was wrong, and she said that she missed her kids, and she was having a difficult time... She told me that she had been excited to babysit our son, and she had even told her mom about it, and that then I went and cancelled on her. WTF!?
That's when a lot of red flags started popping up in my head. And so then she began to insist that she come over and take my son for a couple of hours, and I kept telling her no, but she continued to insist....
2007-09-24 03:43:10 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
And her and another woman I know were supposed to come and visit me today (Monday), and she told me "fine! but you better let me hold your son when we come to see you."
I better!? I got freaked out and I told my husband when he got home from work. I cancelled on them because I am so freaked that I don't want that woman around my son.
I don't know what to do! I am usually not paranoid about things like this, but something in my gut is telling me to keep her away from my son.
AND to make things worse, my husband and I had offered her a place to stay for a while, but I am most definitely going to tell her that is not possible anymore.
I don't care if I hurt her feelings, BUT I need to know what to tell her because I don't think she should be around my son. She has taken a very unhealthy interest in him, and it just doesn't feel right.
2007-09-24 03:48:36 · update #1
OH! Anyways, the reason she wants to look after my son, and she told me this herself, is because she has 1 or 2 kids that she gave up for adoption, and she misses them terribly. She told me that she thinks spending time with my son will help her. I don't want her to be using my son or getting attached to him, just because she is having problems.
It seems very weird!
2007-09-24 03:51:22 · update #2
Go w/ your gut! Even if your wrong, at least your child is safe! She sounds a little like "the hand that rocks the cradle" type to me. If she gets too attached she may convince herself that the child is better off w/ her and try to take him (I don't mean to scare you but that is what first came in my head when i read your ?). I would NOT let her keep your child and smart move on not letting her stay w/ you either! Good luck!
2007-09-24 04:51:07 · answer #1 · answered by Summer Days 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No matter what the truth is always the the best thing. Tell her you never had a sitter before and do not feel comfortable letting her sit right now. I would stay friends and let her hold the baby when you are present. This way you can get to see what her reactions are and how she handles it. She probably in all honestly, loves babies and may make a good sitter in the future. Right at the moment, a red flag is showing here.
You go with your feelings. Never be influenced by her.
( Connie Mom of 4 )
2007-09-24 04:19:59 · answer #2 · answered by connie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be very careful. It seems like this woman has some emotional and mental issues that make her a little unstable. I know what you are thinking, the crazy woman may try to kidnap your son. It's a legitimate feeling. I had a friend very similar to this woman and I was not comfortable with her around my son. If you have an instinct (and never doubt a mother's instinct!) then it's ok to go with it. I'd be creeped out too with what this woman has been saying. Since she admits having kids she gave up for adoption and she regrets it that puts up red flags for me too. If you have to get a court order to protect you and your son. Call me nutty or overly paranoid, but why take a chance? I wouldn't.
2007-09-24 04:12:24 · answer #3 · answered by . 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I think she means no harm. Like she says, she misses her kids, so your baby helps to fill that void. She may be a little unstable emotionally though, due to the crying etc. But it's common for people to get excited to watch a baby. And when you get cancelled on, it's a bummer cuz you made plans to do that. Everyone wants to hold a baby when they come to visit you. If your gut tells you to keep him away, than do it. You don't have to go in detail & explain yourself. Just tell her that you & your hubby decided it's not going to work having another person living in the house. And don't ever mention needing a babysitter or tell her about your plans to go out, cuz then you'll have to deal w/ her begging you to babysit. It's still ok for you to be friends with her. Just for now, only let her see your baby if you're around.
2007-09-24 03:55:29 · answer #4 · answered by tanner 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Stick with your gut! Ever hear of "mother's intuition?" It's real! This woman sounds like she does have severe emotional problems and I would not want her around my infants! I have a friend also that had this same "gut feeling" about dropping off her 2 year old daughter to a woman who's husband really "felt" creepy to her. She didn't have any proof, but she ended up walking out of their house and NOT leaving her daughter for babysitting. Later on, she found out horrible things about this man, and she is so glad now that she listened to her gut!!!
2007-09-24 06:25:24 · answer #5 · answered by Rachel 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have a lot of good advice - and I concur. Drop this relationship with this woman pronto. Anyone that tries to make you feel guilty (no matter the reason) is a manipulative player. You do not need that in your life. Sounds like all she will bring is drama into you and your families life.
She has issues and causes her own problems. Sorry she gave up children for adoption -- sounds like she made the best choice for those children and they will probably have a happier life without her in it.
2007-09-24 05:19:42 · answer #6 · answered by Cinthia Round house kicking VT 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Trust your mommy instinct!! That just sounds too weird. Don't put your child at risk. We have a neighbor who freaked me out too. She wasn't nearly as creepy but, I just felt that it was best my baby stay away from her. Well, she is my next door neighbor and she has never seen my son and he is now 17 months old. And I haven't spoken to her in about 8 months and believe she finally gotten the hint that I want nothing to do w/ her. So, good luck don't feel bad. You are being a wonderful mother to your son. Remember that!
2007-09-24 04:44:51 · answer #7 · answered by Squiggly 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to just tell her you are sorry but you really dont feel comfortable leaving the baby with anyone right now. Dont always be home when she calls ( just dont answer there is no law that says you have to), I would try to ease her out of your life and NEVER leave the baby with her.
If necessary get an order of protection from the court requiring her to stay away.
2007-09-24 04:20:53 · answer #8 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Issues...seriously, though, she sounds emotionally unbalanced, and ready to attach to any breathing mammal in infancy stage! When did the move in offer happen? Before the attachment to your baby boy? Setting her feelings aside, I would have the "talk" with her. You're honest, just let her know you feel as though her attachment to your baby is a little much, and you need some breathing space. If she freaks out, simply state, my point exactly. Seeing you all are "friends," do you know if she sought any counseling after the adoption? It's a good idea to through out, if she hasn't. Her obsession is plainly obvious with your baby, and I wouldn't trust her with him, like your instincts are telling you. Just shoot it to her straight, girly, better sooner than later! Best wishes, sweets!
2007-09-24 04:10:43 · answer #9 · answered by Mookie 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I'm no psychologist or counselor, but it sounds like she's probably feeling guilty for giving her kids up for adoption. She missed out on raising her own kids and your son is the closest thing she has to an acceptable substitution. She might be trying to make herself feel better. Her insistence to see your boy and trying to make you feel guilty may be outward signs of her own guilty feelings.
Her behavior is unacceptable and spending time with your son is NOT going to help her move past whatever guilt she carries with her. Only professional help will. I recommend that you be upfront and honest with her. Tell her that, while you empathize with her past, her behavior is disturbing and it frightens you. Tell her that you no longer wish to be in contact with her. Suggest that she seek professional help.
While she may receive this news negatively, maybe it's the wake-up call that she needs. Sometimes people act without thinking and she may not be aware that her behavior is a reflection of the guilt she feels.
If she continues to pester you about seeing your son even though you told her that her presence is no longer welcome, you might consider speaking to your police department about issuing a restraining order against this woman. Hopefully, it won't come to that. Best of luck to you!
2007-09-24 04:06:10 · answer #10 · answered by Hez 3 · 10⤊ 0⤋