This one calls for some serious thinking. Please be honest?

Question

Let us say you are going to marry a girl who is earning three times more than you. It is an arranged marriage, your parents are ready for it, the girls parents are ready for it too. Both you and your would be wife are equally well educated. Its just that you finished your education from a less reputed institute and she did it from an elite one and so comes the difference in salaries. Now it is generally accepted in society (with reference to India) that man should earn more or at least equal to what his wife does. So if I am the guy who is supposed to say yes to such a proposal, should I do so? Assume the girl has no issues with this, but will I have my respect after this marriage or will I get a complex? This is an otherwise good proposal, the difference in salary is the only problem. What do you think people? Will I be happy with such a girl?

Answer 1

drop u r ego and marry her... give her the very best and have a happy life... such things dosn't matter ...happiness is a state of mind if u think u r happy you are happy if u think u r not happy u r not happy… say yessssssss to her and happinesss

Answer 2

No,you won't. Sorry to be blunt. But, that is the truth.
Looks like this is a true example of where you marry a family, not just the individual. If it was a love marriage, it would be different. Now, there are so many unknowns. Has the girl agreed willingly? Are they assuming that you will strive to do "better" and start earning more soon?
Does the girl have any drawbacks not made known to you and your family?

The very benefits of arranged marriage are supposed to be better suited, equal match, compatible etc. Then, here is a biggest "does not match".

If it were not know to everyone, then it might have stood a chance. But, now looks like everyone knows, and it will be a topic, and it will come out in the very first tiff you have with your wife.

The only way it will work, is if you are very secure, and if she is the kind who will be able to tell others, "do not interfere in my marriage, how much we make is none of your business".

what about, when kids come along? say, one person needs to quit work, would you be happy doing it? and if she quits, would you all be able to handle the major cut in income?

In an arranged marriage, it will not work. In a love marriage, it will stand a chance. Most likely, there is something missing in the story...there must be some reason why her side is agreeing to it.

Answer 3

In a marriage, it should not matter who earns more or less. Both salaries ultimately end up in one place, and are used for the betterment of both the wife and the husband. I cannot answer the question about your self-respect being hurt later on, as many men have struggled with this throughout the years, even in marriages that were not arranged. It depends on how traditional you are mostly. Do you feel that the husband MUST be the bread-winner in the relationship, or are you more modern and realize that it doesn't matter where the money comes from?

Happiness is difficult to find in any marriage. Since this is to be an arranged marriage, you should both come from similar backgrounds and have many things in common. At this point, practical similarities are all that you have as insurance towards happiness. Real affection and acceptance of one another will come later if you are committed to making the marriage work.

Answer 4

Before you say any thing you should have a private meeting with the girl one on one.

At the meeting get to the point about your salary and other financial obligation, before and after the marriage stay away from this issue it is non of the other people business, it is between you and her only.

It is quiet possible that match maker may not have informed the girl or the people handling the match for her, this is the time to make this decision, and stay with it as long as you live both of you have to be understanding and never compete about this. Jobs are hard to find but two jobs are very hard to come by in the same town/city so only thing that both can do is except the situation as it is hope for it to change so both are close to parity but do not expect the miracles.

Answer 5

This is a very sticky situation, and since it involves a culture where family is highly involved (not so here in the US) it is imperative that you discuss your concerns with your parents, her parents, your intended and your spiritual leader.

First, list the good things you see with this marriage - you apparently come from similar backgrounds, both are well-educated and have family support, etc. Then list the concerns you have - differences in the schools you attended, differences in your salaries etc. etc.

Then, arrange a meeting between your families to openly and formally discuss both the pros and cons. Rely on your spiritual leader to act as the mediator.

And, without dishonoring your own family's sacrifice in providing you with the best education they could, ask your intended family if they are absolutely 100% positive that they want their daughter married to a man who earns considerably less than their daughter?

If all the parties - you, your families, your fiance and your spiritual leader find no reason not to go ahead with this marriage, then I wish you the absolute best. If indeed there are concerns from any quarter - then I suggest you disolve this arrangement properly so there will be no hard feelings.

If the marriage goes ahead, I urge you to work like a dog to not only provide well for new family, but also improve your education so you can earn at least par with your new wife.

Answer 6

Rules like the man should have a better salary is insignificant. The fact that both sides of the family is well prepared for the wedding is great. But are you? An arranged marriage is okay if you love this girl and vise versa. If you don't... well... whats the point? There are more chances to find love you don't need to take this one because of parents and social classes. One last thing you'll only be happy with this girl if you really love her. Imagine spending a lifetime with someone you feel nothing for. The rest is up to you.

Answer 7

Your dilemma is a typically Indian one, no doubt about. In India, the saying goes, that if you want to give your daughter in marriage, give her in a place where they are highly placed than you and if you want a bride for your son, get her from those who are at least slightly less affluent than what you are. This is a golden rule, at least in India. And, your dilemma is understandable.
But, there can be any number of exceptions for any rule or proverb. And so, this too can be.
To know, whether the girl would be best suited for you, all you can do is to enquire about the family, their status, their behaviour, their style of upbringing of the offsprint etc. And, at the same time, you should also enquire of the neighbours the way the girl normally behaves and then, arrive at a conclusion. Not all who become rich are egoistic and look down upon those who are not so rich.
It would further be useful to know whether they were rich even before the girl secured the job or only after her better placement.
Based on these facts, you can arrive at a conclusion.
In Indian society, if the wife is dominating, the husband has to be submissive naturally, and so it is everywhere if the union has to continue. But, at least in India, when the lady of the house dominates, the adverse effect is mostly on the children. They would not develop mentally and often, they tend to become perverts.
Now, the choice is yours.

Answer 8

It all depends on the attitude of the individual
But after all said and done even if yr would be wife is earning more than you what harm is there in it ? Today if she is doing better tomorrow she may still do better and may be she rises up to the level of a CEO and may need your support all the more So think positive and instead of developing an inferiority complex, Take advantage of the situation and help her build her carrier and you be the man of the house
O How I wish to have had some-one like that when I got married!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

If its only because its "the norm" for your wife to make equal or less than the husband, than norms still have deviations.

No one has to know (how would they know) that she makes more money than you. The question of happiness i doubt will involve who makes how much more than the other. Happiness comes from how you spend your time together, how you accomidate each other in this time of change, making sure you establish a good friendship so love can spring. Dont worry about the money, no one needs to know!

Answer 10

Once you are married it all ends up in the same money pool just like everything else..bills, shopping, housing.
The only problem I see is when she leaves her job for something like a baby, or to just be a stay at home wife??? who knows.
HOW will this then effect your way of life?
Could you still support the family on your wage, with out her input?

These are the questions you need to ask yourself..no one else can answer for you.

Best Wishes

Answer 11

Only you know how much this is going to bother you. If it's not accepted in your society, and you're already concerned about it, then I think this is not a good match for you.

We're American, where things are a bit more relaxed. I (the woman) make twice as much as my fiance does (purely a function of professions--we are similar in level of intelligence and social circle, and very well matched on all dimensions). It doesn't bother either one of us, and no one else knows how much either of us makes (not anyone's business). So, this will work for us, but that doesn't mean it will work for you.