Am I wrong to ask my daughter for half of HER rent money?

Question

My daughter asked me to pay her rent for her this month. I paid it since she didn't have the money. This put me behind on paying a few of my bills. She knew that her dad had been off from work due to heart surgery and that I had just went back to work so there is not much left in savings - and we need to make sure we have the money on hand to ALWAYS get her dad's medication each month (which adds up quickly). Then, less than a week after I paid her rent, she received a check from college where they had applied for more money on a school loan than was needed and she got the rest of the money for whatever she needed the money for (which she will have to pay back when she is out of college). My daughter also works but not full time so her money is tight. I asked her for half of the rent back ($200) since she got the check ($1000). She got mad, said no that I should pay her rent since I couldn't pay her college, and now won't even answer the phone. Am I wrong to ask for it back?

In response to one of the questions, I paid the rent because last time she was 1 day late with it her landlord threw a cussing fit (even though he is known to ask for rent up to 2 weeks early if his finances are tight). I just didn't want her to have to face this landlord and his tantrum again. I have also told her that at the end of her lease she has to move somewhere cheaper or move home. Also, I gave her my car to use (which I still make the payments on) plus I pay her insurance. I bought a used car for me. All she has to pay is electric, water, phone (there is no gas bill where she lives). She also signed up for food stamps since she lives on her own so it is not like she has a lot of bills. She just thinks that she should have what she wants when she wants it - and she was not like that when she lived at home - she has changed her priorities since moving out.

Answer 1

no you are not wrong for asking for it back, she is being selfish, she should understand that she is not the only one that needs money. if my mother paid part of my rent and i recieved unexpected money i would offer to give the money back. you did the right thing in asking, i would not help her out for a little while and let her see what its like in the real world.

Answer 2

NO! Shes being childish and very selfish! Shes obviously over 18, legal age, since she has an apt and goes to school. If I were you, I wouldn't pay any of her bills for her. Between scholarships, federal loans, working and other things she should be able to cover her own or cut back on the things that don't matter like parties etc. I went to college and got 2 degrees w/o any money help from my parents, who were in their 60's at the time. I was a single divorced mom at the time and worked PT at the age of 19. I lived in a 1 bedroom apt and scraped by. She'll manage.

Answer 3

By making it easy for your daughter to escape financial responsibility, you have also created a problem.
The problem is aquired rights.

Look at it from her point of view: The money was a gift (thanks) and now she finally has some money, her mother tries to get her hands on it.

So you are tight. Serves you right. You spent money that you did not have. On a good cause, but still.
You should have thaught your daughter an Important Financial Lesson: When you run out of money, you have no more money.
Instead you thaught her: When you run out of money, mom will bail you out.

Apologise to her.
Write off the money you sent her because it was a gift. It was never understood to be a loan. You don't demand back a gift when the receiving party suddenly turns out to have money.
And most importantly: You do not decide that your daughter has enough money to pay you. Never make decisions about how other people should spend their own money.

Instead, keep your fincances separated from now on. Never lend money to friends or relatives. Give it away, never lend it.

Answer 4

I don't think that you were wrong to ask for your money back. If your daughter is old enough to have rent to pay, then she is definitely old enough to understand a few facts about life. Yes, you're her mother, but you also have your own bills to pay. Your husband requires medicine. That, to me, holds rank over paying her rent. Sit her down and have a talk with her. Explain to her that everyone has to pull their own. You should help her in any way that you can, but not at the cost of your husband's health. She's a big girl now.

I know that there are times in everyone life when they need a little extra help. Everyone does. You help her now, when she needs it. She helps you later when you need it. Just make sure you are both playing by the same rules.

Answer 5

Call the hospital and arrange for payments on those bills. Most places, if you pay within a year, there is no interest. I'm not a laywer, but I don't see anything ethically wrong with using the child's money for her health. Keep questioning the insurance provider. That part sounds strange. Bills from 3 years ago??? Best of luck! Medical bills are a pain.

Answer 6

You know, there are some things that kids just won't understand until they live through some of life's trials and tribulations.

I don't think you are going to get your money back, you should have stipulated that she was to repay it when you lent her the money.

Treat her like a two year old and don't engage her. Don't hold a grudge but don't call her or nag her or fight with her. Just play it cool and when she decides to talk to you again don't mention the money and if she does just say, "That's over now. How is school going?" or something. And if she asks for money again just say, "Dad and I have decided not to do that anymore. Did you hear that grandma had a facelift?" And if she won't let it drop just say, "I've got to go now, the neighbor is at the door, or We've decided to let that subject go." And if she tries to guilt you into feeling bad in order to justify someting or manipulate you just be honest and to the point and then change the subject, "We're so sorry that you have resentment about that. We hope you won't hold onto it forever. Would you like ice cream for dessert?, or We're sorry it turned out like that, if we had it to to over again we would have done things differently, but we are so glad we have you, we love you so much. Did you hear cousin Patty is pregnant?"

Good luck!

Answer 7

If your daughter can't afford her rent, then she needs to move... and WHY are you paying it?

I can see how you'd want to help, but you gave her money and then you were strapped and couldn't pay your own bills. It doesn't make sense to give or loan money if it will put us in a bind.

Don't give her rent money anymore. And let her know she's going to have to pay it herself from now on... you can't possibly afford it with everything you have going out each month, anyway.

She's going to have to spend the $1000 wisely.

Answer 8

she sounds irresponsible! I mean she knows her father just had heart surgery and money is tight! I would never put my parents on a situation like that! I'm so lucky that my parents pay for everything I do! school, car, insurance and still give me spending money! and so NO u weren't wrong to ask!

Answer 9

No, you're not wrong to ask for it back, because its YOUR MONEY! You're the one who came to her rescue when she didn't have any money to take care of her needs and your daughter should be thankful to have someone like you in her life! Besides, your daughter had no right to be angry because you wanted your money back! Your daughter has to understand that you have needs as well and money doesn't come from a tree! You're doing the right thing by asking for YOUR money back! Good luck to you!

Answer 10

well ur daughter has a lot of self entitlement huh?? my parents didnt pay for my college and i think she should care enough about your situation as u did to hers. obv its not within her means to pay you back bc she fell behind on bills, etc but in reality she wants u to feel guilty about paying u back which she promised to do. its easier to pass the guilt off than accept that shes rude and inconsiderate of your situation. she needs a lesson on growing up but it will bite her in the butt when she needs ur help later on and then u let her know u cant bc of how she acted last time.