Who would you rather take care of your kids if you were gone?

Question

I just need to say that this is a hypothetical situation- we don't actually have kids now but we've been talking a lot about kids and marriage and this came up.

My boyfriend and I have been having a debate on who is better to take care of our kids if we die - friends who we could be very close to and would know our kids well and live near us, or my sister, who lives in Colorado and would likely not see the kids as often.

I think that it's more important to have kids be with their family so they can see grandparents and cousins and all that. My boyfriend thinks it's better for the kids to have familiarity with their environment and stay with the family friends because it would be too traumatic to move across country and they could go to the same school and be with someone they know well.

What does everyone think? And when you were a child, if you were in a situation like this, who would you rather have gone to stay with, a close family friend or an aunt or uncle who live far away?

We're assuming that both couples are financially and emotionally stable and would be good parents. All things being equal...

Answer 1

I think it should be about who you feel more comfortable with, and who you'd feel would be the better role model.
You can't choose your family you're born into, but you can choose your friends. Who would you rather stay with yourself?
Just think about the childrens best interest...
It would be nice to keep them with family, but it doesn't always work out. Just think about who would be a better influence, and who would actually be there. Parenting is for life, not just a few years.

Answer 2

My husband and I have had this discussion many times. Both sets of grandparents would definatly be a good choice but have been there done that and raised the kids. They would accept them without question but I believe we would choose my BIL and SIL. They are young but have things figured out. Luckily for us both of our families all live within 10 miles of each other so even if one had actual custody of them they would have a whole family to interact with.

Answer 3

I've never been faced with this question but I was on the other end, where my sister specified that I was to get her kids if something happened to her and her husband. I had always played a large part in her kids lives, so it seemed logical. I guess it would depend on who the kids would be best off with and who wants the responsibility.

Answer 4

we thought about this for years. my 2 oldest boys are of age so i don't have to worry anymore but our youngest is only 9. our parents are to old to raise another child and what family we have here live a different way than we do so, our son would most likely go to mt bil. he was my sis's husband but she's passed now and he's still family to me. coincidence- he's in Colorado too. i don't believe it would be all that traumatic for the kids to move out of state. let's face it, they'll be traumatized anyway

Answer 5

I lost both my parents when I was very young and went to live with relatives it was bad, very bad...things happen and make sure if at all possible wherever the child goes he'll be made to feel part of the family, distance doesn't matter, nurturing does, very much. Make sure wherever the child is wanted wherever he goes, children know when they are not really wanted. I would have lived in a box with someone that really wanted me around.

Answer 6

I think it would be better to keep them in a familiar environment. There would be enough turmoil in their lives without having to uprooted from everything familiar to them. Send them to a close family friend who will know them and be able to understand them better. Your kids also might feel more of a connection to you with friends they see often since they had an every-day relationship with you.

Answer 7

I guess it would depend on how long I knew these friends. What seems in theory like a good idea, once you have kids, u might not feel the same way, or you might if they truly loved your kids. Honestly though, I'd go with my family first, no matter the distance.

Answer 8

I think, more importantly, you would need to ask yourself questions like...1. Who would be able to support those children financially and emotionally? 2. Who represents the values/morals that you would teach your children? 3.With whom would my children have the best life and most opportunity?

Asking someone to become guardians is a BIG deal. This is something that must be discussed with all parties involved.

Answer 9

if my hubby and i both passed both my children go to my youngest brother and his wife.... we picked them years ago not that our own parents arent good with them but we saw and know how they raised us and see how spoiled they have our kids. my brother knows my hubbys family and would let my kids see them... if something happens to my brother and his wife i get his girls... its nothing any parent wants to think about but its very smart to have a plan in case something does happen. we have ours all in writing too.

Answer 10

i would have either my mother or one of my sisters take care of my kids if something happen to me. And that would be something i have to put in the will also so i know they would be well taken care of.