I am getting married. A friend of mine (I'm not exactly that close with) thinks she is going to come out in my wedding. The problem is the girls I have coming out and myself are thin. My friend is obese that her dr even suggested a gastric bypass which she rejected. How do I not have her come out in my wedding without hurting her feelings. I just don't feel like she's the right fit for my wedding.
2007-09-24 00:46:15 · 28 answers · asked by ★Banäna . Nightmärẹ★™ 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I would have to say "yes" to all of you. We're not that close to begin with. She's someone who never seems happy for me even when i had my second child. She's someone who wasn't happy for my when I told I was getting married. However, she did mention being the maid of honor. I was like "that's my best friend's role." Anyhow, I guess the real reason I don't want her to come out is because I don't have any bond with her. Not because of her weight, but her personality.
Having said that, I still don't think overweight (voluptuous) women look right in the bridal party when everyone else is proportioned to their weight or even a few extra pounds. But this is not the case iwth her.
What many of you opened my eyes to is the fact that I don't have any attachment to her. So not including her in my bridal party is easier than I thought it would be. If we were true friends then yes I would have had no troulbe including her.
2007-09-26 01:11:55 · update #1
People are being quite RUDE here and I am by NO means-thin....
1. She is not a close friend- So why would you have her in it anyway?
2. She is HUGE- yes, yes, it's horrible to say but at the same time when someone is painful to look at walking or even standing- it's not someone you want in your wedding. I understand! My cousin had her 400 pound cousin in the wedding in a strapless dress and it was a train wreck and everyone talked about it. BUT- Keep the weight thing to yourself- just tell the girl- YOU are not that close of friends and want to keep the wedding party small..... etc......
Don't mind people on here- we all have feelings about things and need an outlet to express it- but some people love to give other moral lectures to feel better about themselves.
2007-09-25 07:02:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi Mari and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
WOW!!!! You have gotten beaten up here! But are you even noticing?
Are you perhaps related to the person last night who didn't want their daughter getting married to a black person because the "white/caucasian race is decreasing"? Maybe you are all in the same family? On the same note, have you even noticed that most of America is not "thin"? I didn't know people had to get on a scale to be included in a wedding. I thought you asked your friends--or is it, just your "thin" friends?
Why did you even put this question on here? I guess you are stupid enough to think that maybe someone would give you a suggestion of how to not hurt your friend's feelings? Ummmmmmmmm....dah!!!
Your friend is better off without you.
2007-09-25 00:31:57 · answer #2 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You are worried about hurting her feelings, but yet this is how you feel about HER?! You don't feel she's the right fit, eh? Well, then I guess your wedding party will be the only one in the world that will be 'Perfect', irregardless of who you have to hurt to prove it. When the day comes that your metabolism catches up with you and you are no longer the stick figure you may be today, I hope someone does to you what you are doing to your friend. The days of having 'friends' will be over, and oh the invitations to lunch - those will dry up, the nights at the clubs, over too. Why? because heaven forbid people begin thinking like you.
Now you can go cry in your hands, and report all of us who aren't telling you what you wanted to see, but I think it's time someone gave you the dose of reality you need. Besides, you asked the question - we gave you the answers!
2007-09-24 08:34:24 · answer #3 · answered by Cory C 5 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Wow, your horrible. If the real reason you didn't want this girl in your wedding was that you weren't that close then that would be one thing, but the fact that you don't want this girl in your wedding because she's fat says volumes about what kind of person you are. It's up to you to have the wedding you want, I'm not knocking that at all, but the fact that you can even bear yourself and say things like "this friend of mine" wow, if you were really a friend of hers the weight wouldn't be an issue. Real friends don't judge you by the size of your butt and If I were you I would be upfront with this girl and tell her the truth. Just say look I don't want you in my wedding because your fat and I want a tiny group of thinny minny bridesmaids. It's better to lay it on the line and out yourself for what kind of "friend" you really are.
And fyi gastric bypass isn't like having a tooth pulled it involves being cut open like a fish and having people rearrange your insides, and it's um lets see... still very dangerous. So if your disgruntled because she chose not to let the doctors cut her from crotch to breastbone so she could look better you are an even worse "friend" then I could imagine.
2007-09-24 09:44:10 · answer #4 · answered by L H 4 · 4⤊ 3⤋
The problem is on both of you. You have a friend that thinks she should bein her wedding and you dont want to extend an invitation out to her. it is as simple as that. The problem with you is that you are trying to control her weight when you arn't even her friend you say. You are a different type of bride...a nasty one. Your friend may be overweight but you and no one has the right to discount someones weight for an event. You might as well not invite her to the wedding, because you will be saving her the time and money for you.
She may not be perfect, and YOU are definantly not perfect, but atleast she is not pretending to be something she is not.
I am surprised you are getting married, because I feel sorry for your husband to be.
2007-09-24 09:07:45 · answer #5 · answered by cherriwaves 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
My dear, there is no "right fit:" for you wedding. She is either your friend, or either she's not., and it sounds as though shes not. And if she knew this, she would n't want to be your friend anyway. True friends are there for one another and they support each other no matter what..She may be obese but I also bet she considers you a friend. I can't stand it when people are so shallow and superficial.You are gonna be alot better off when you change you way of thinking...I wish you all the best with you "thin" wedding..Oh! And by the way, I'm not obese, 5ft 8 in, 130 lbs and I have ALOT of large friends and they my dear are my TRUE friends...
2007-09-24 07:57:54 · answer #6 · answered by lucylocket7258 7 · 6⤊ 2⤋
So she's your friend, but you don't want her in the wedding, because you're all thin. . . . ? Am I understanding this correctly? You are basing your wedding party on looks, and not who you are close to? Whatever you do, please don't explain it to her like that! If you don't feel close enough to her, that's one thing. But, if you ARE actually supposed to be good close friends with this person, and you just don't want her there because she's too fat, well then you are awfully shallow! You could really hurt her feelings! Just explain you are keeping the wedding party to very close friends only, and leave it at that, regardless of any additional information. . . .
2007-09-24 09:18:44 · answer #7 · answered by ShouldBeWorking 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I'm sorry, but my cousin is very large too... and she's going to be my maid of honor! It's not the size that matters when it comes to asking friend's/family to be in my wedding. I ask them for a reason- I know they'll be there for me throughout my lifetime as I will be there for them as well. You as a bride will be the one who stands out- who everyone will be paying attention to-along with your groom.
If you feel you really aren't that close enough with her to ask her, then don't. Will it be something you regret in the long run? You might. Just don't not ask her because of her weight.... that's SOOOO wrong!
2007-09-25 01:16:40 · answer #8 · answered by m930 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Just be honest with her. Just say listen I'm sorry you can't come to my wedding because you are fat and me and all my friends are slim and you dont' fit in with the look of the wedding. It is my day afterall and I should feel comfortable and happy on my day. Thanks for understanding but hey since I am so shallow and insensitive the chances of me having a happy and successful marriage are also like me very slim so you can come to my divorce party! it will probably be just you and me because my other shallow slim friends wont be interested in going to a divorce party it doesn't fit the look, okay hon see you next year, bring the cake!
2007-09-24 10:38:56 · answer #9 · answered by nik 28 3 · 6⤊ 2⤋
The thing about bridezillas is that they believe their wedding is all about them and that they will be the center of attention. If that is true then why would you think anyone would even pay attention to her if she were in the wedding? Of course you will hurt her feelings if you don't ask her because of her appearance. If you aren't asking because you want a small bridal party that's a different story.
2007-09-24 07:53:10 · answer #10 · answered by Luv2Answer 7 · 8⤊ 2⤋