Going to the Pub.?

Question

Ive been with my partner for over 10 years, living apart for some of that time. We are now living together and about to buy a house. He goes to the pub regular as clockwork on Friday/Sunday nights. I was out all day yesterday visiting family, got home at 8pm and 5 mins later he was on his way. I said to him I thought you would have stayed in, but he said he had made plans to meet people. Do you think Im being unreasonable to expect him to stay in one Friday or Sunday. These are 2 nights of our w/e after all. Would appreciate views from men/woman and dont tell me to go with him, I hate pubs!!

Answer 1

Yeah I think it was wrong of him to go. Your not being unreasonable. Why not arrange to do something for friday or sunday. If he says no and would rather go to the pub. Then I don't see how hes the right guy for you sorry.

Answer 2

old habits are hard to break, is there something you have done for the past ten years that he doesnt like??

If there is maybe the two of you could make a compromise and meet each other half way maybe one week a month you spend together rather than he going to the pub and doing whatever it is you do.

Make that time together really special and after a couple of months of (success) then try to talk him into an extra weekend away somewhere romantic together just the two of you.

Failing that find some mates to go out for a meal or bowling even line dancing or something why should you waste your life sat in on a weekend in front of the tv ???

You never know chances are you might find mr right out there, you wont find him at home alone will you !! Good luck

Answer 3

Its all about give and take - maybe he hates staying in as much as you hate pubs! I hate to sound picky but if it is something he has always done then why do you want to change it? Its not like he's suddenly taken up drinking and you have known for the last 10 years that he goes out on those nights. Yesterday perhaps if you had asked him earlier in the day if he would stay in then he might have, but just assuming someones plans will change because you think they should is a surefire way of being disappointed. Communication - instead of telling us, talk to him!

Answer 4

No, you're not being unreasonable to want him to stay in one Friday or Sunday, but you are being unreasonable to think that he would without you asking him first. Clearly he enjoys a night out at the pub or having a few drinks a couple times a week. Five minutes beforehand is not early enough when he's already made plans.

Remember that drinking responsibly is actually beneficial to our health. This is especially true for men. It is encouraged that men have a few drinks with the guys once or twice a week.

Answer 5

I dont really think its unreasonalbe for him to go to the pub at all. Its healthy to have time away from each other on a regular basis, if you make him him stay in then he'll only resent you for it. Why dont you do something you enjoy with your friends on those days? I expect you see each other during the week. Or maybe compromise and agree that he wont go to the pub if you two make other plans, or if you have something planned for the next day. You've been together for 10 years so its not really fair to turn around and start telling him to change his lifestyle. Or compromise and go to the pub one night with him, and him stay in with you one night.

Answer 6

Compromise is something we all need when in a relationship and I understand this is his routine but you are living together now and he should at least stay at home or go to a restaurant, if you are not that keen on pubs. We all have a routine but when you come home after a long day out, he should stay in with you and spend some time with you rather than go out! He has not seen you all day! I would not begrudge him some time down the pub, every now and then, but as a couple, your time is precious together and he should respect that and spend some time doing something you like together.

Answer 7

He's obviously got his own routine and feels he should keep it going whereas you feel otherwise. Personally i would not like my partner to desert me every Friday/Sunday night for the pub. Week-ends are often the only time you get to spend time together.

I would have suggested you went out with him but you don't like pubs. So maybe you could look at other ways to change his behaviour. First thing to do is communicate! Not get mad at him, just tell him calmly that, and if you don't object to him going to the pub from time to time, his habits go back to the time you were apart but things have now changed. You are now together and it seems to you that one night a week should do it if you could do something else on the other night. You could plan a nice meal in (Make sure he gets a few drinks to go with it LOL) or An outing somewhere (Doesn't have to be a pub).

If he does care about your feelings then he'll understand that his behaviour doesn't contribute to a happy relationship and should he value said relationship! He'll agree with you.

If he doesn't ... Then it will be a case for you to ask yourself if you can spend the rest of your life waiting on a man who prefers his nights out at the pub rather then spend more time with you. Some women wouldn't put up with it, others might decide they don't like it but still ... Put up with it.

And as you ask about our views on this topic ... Mine would be no-no! I feel i'm worth more than that.

Answer 8

You're lucky!! My husband goes to a local bar every night of the week, except for Sunday, only because it's closed. We have been married for 12 yrs., and have to admit I went to work at his bar, when we met. After I quit and he got out of the business thought he'd slow down but was wrong. He doesn't get sloppy drunk any more before coming home and does come home earlier, but it's a habit for him to go every day. I just learned that it's a part of him, it's his time to relax from working hard all day. Some men just like to shoot the bull with other men to relax so if you partner only goes 2 nights a week be thankful. It could be worse!!!

Answer 9

Well.....this question might sound simple but its not!
I've had this problem with my partner!
He goes to the pub every night but he goes to meet with the lads who work for him ("this time next year, we'll be multi-millionaires" talk as you can imagine!!)
And at weekends. And when he's not doing that he's travelling, or seeing his children.
Its a b*stard, but I treasure the time I do get with him.

You sound like you are in a different situation, like your partner is going for fun?
Well, in that case comprimise.
Lets say he has an hour in the pub one of the nights, and the night there the other night.
Suggest going out, for meals, to the cinema, anywhere! Good luck!

Answer 10

everyone has a right to personal time alone, whether you have a family or not.

do you have any interests outside of family life, like the gym? social groups, that sort of stuff?

this is a regular problem, a lot more men have outside activities, like sport that they either watch or partake in and yet their other halfs dont go out at all.

why dont you make plans to go out on a sat or thursday night with your mates. that way you both get 2 nights a week to yourselves.

if you spend 24/7 with each other, the it will only lead to arguments and you will have nothing to talk about.