I can't really get any advice from friends and family on this one for obvious reasons, and to be honest I probably know what kind of responses I may get, but I am interested in what some people may I have to say.
Well up until 2 weeks ago I was very happily married. No doubts about that. I have been married for nearly 10 years and have never strayed or wanted to. Then I met a girl nearly 10 years younger than me. We hit it off straight away. We are very, very similar in our likes and dislikes etc - it is almost like we are sole-mates. It's quite frightening really. Anyway, we have met on a few occasions now and I can see myself falling for her more and more. From the things she is saying to me I get the same impression from her. When I'm not with her I feel sick and depressed. I really miss her and want to be with her. She is also in a long term relationship and so we both find it difficult to talk over the weekend and in the evenings, but during those times all I do is think of her.
2007-09-23 20:00:16 · 38 answers · asked by moodyGlen 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I go through various scenarios in my head of what would happen if I left my wife to be with her.
My wife earns good money whereas this new girl doesn't. I know that is shallow, but there will be less of a comfort zone for me. I would also be homeless so would have to start all over again on the property market.
I also can see myself and my wife etting old together, but I am unsure what the future holds for me and this other girl. But I just can't stop thinking of her.
What the hell do I do? It doesn't take much to confuse me and this is totally wrecking my concentration on everything I do. Help?!?!
2007-09-23 20:03:45 · update #1
It's just a crush. try and remember what you and your wife were like, why you fell in love. I can guarantee it's for the same reasons you like this girl. So instead of throwing everything away, recreate that feeling with your wife. We are all tempted at times. It's part of life and helps build our personalities with how we deal with it. If you were to leave your wife for this girl, she will also grow up and relationships settle down. She will soon hold as much appeal as your wife currently does for you now. The trick to a truely happy marriage is to work through the bad times... these include 'crushes..'
My husband cheated on me. he is not and was not the 'cheating kind' we have always been best friends and so close we were inseperable. He however worked very long hours and had a 3 hour break in the day, miles away from home. He met a girl and at first just befriended her but it lead to sex and it happened a few times before we had a weekend off together and he realised what he had done. He has never got over the guilt and I have never fully recovered from the pain but we know we are meant to be together and thats all that matters. The point I am trying to make is that this 'girl' replaced me where I could jot be :( Make your wife the one you fantazise about, laugh with and look forward to seeing.She was once and can be again the one for you. You are making things worse with your wife by thinking about this girl when you are with your wife, rather than having fun with her.
Your actions will cause untold pain and no matter how excited the idea of someone new seems I can assure you it's not worth it.
2007-09-24 00:18:41 · answer #1 · answered by gellygoggles 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
So up until 2 weeks ago you were happily married, and now, after two weeks you are willing to throw away a relationship that has been in marriage for nearly 10 years? I'm sure that when you met your wife, during the first two weeks, you hit it off straight away, were very similar in your likes and dislikes, and were like sole mates. Thats what happens when you first start dating. You aren't into this girl, you are trying to relive a a moment that you had in the past and hoping to make your future new and exciting. I'm not going to attack how you feel, because how you feel is how you feel, and if you and your wife were having problems before hand, then things would be different. You should use your head on this one, not your heart. When you are in a relationship, you should never end it for another person. Your relationship, whether it is dating or marriage, should end because you aren't happy with your significant other. If you end your marriage now, start dating this other girl and possibly get married, there is a good chance down the road you may meet someone else like this girl and want to leave her as well for someone else. I've only been married for nearly 4 years, but there were reasons we got married and it wasn't because I was waiting for something better to come along. The grass may seem greener but thats because you don't have to get dirty everyday to help it grow.
My advice, stick with your wife and don't talk to this girl for a little while. Let the fantasy take a reality check. Chances are good that if you end your marriage, which by all accounts was a good marriage, you will regret it for a long time, especially once this other girl leaves you. We all wonder when married after a while whether or not something might be better out there. The search for a new relationship should have ended when you said "I Do" and I cant' think of one plausible reason to end your marriage when you have no problems with your spouse. Best of luck to you.
2007-09-23 21:53:41 · answer #2 · answered by Jason Las Vegas 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a smart guy who has really thought this through from present feelings to whom you would be happy growing old with. You never said how you felt about your wife and whatever problems the two of you are having at the moment. Ten years of marriage is a pivotal point for most. You have been together so long you take each other for granted. You look for something to liven up your marriage..but in this case you looked outside the marriage instead of inside.
Think about this, and i am in no way saying that this new girl isn't the one for you...but you havent known her but 2 week or so. She apparently has issues with her current relationship. It's always easier in the short term to start caring for or even seeing someone else INSTEAD of dealing with your problems at home. But the fact is home should be the first thing you try to fix. You will have to face it one day whether you decide to stay or go. Give your wife another chance...sometimes love isn't gone its just been misplaced. Find it again and consider the new girl a sort of indication that you are still alive and yearning for a closer relationship. Maybe she came along to make you see that... not to make you choose her over what you already have with your wife.
2007-09-24 02:42:03 · answer #3 · answered by redlucky7 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's not a good situation. If you do anything with this young girl, then at least have the decency to break it off with your wife first. Actually cheating would be worse. And don't go thinking you're smart enough to have a few shags with the young girl and nobody will find out - it very rarely works like that, somebody knows or somebody wants more and it goes wrong.
Sounds like an infatuation that wouldn't last, just think about where you would be after it's finished with the young girl and then it's also over with the wife? If you can handle that both emotionally and logistically then break up with the wife and chase the young chick. It'll probably all turn sour, but that's your risk to take. Whatever you do try not to hurt your wife, k?
2007-09-23 23:23:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well I believe you and this girl suit each other -probably are soul-mates because you are both prepared to lie and cheat.
You must have expected that as an answer. If you want to stop this then you need to grow a back bone and not arrange to meet her, the time you are wasting with her could be spent improving things between you and your wife. If you are in any way an intelligent man you will know this is lust and infatuation, and as for saying you would be less comfortable if you left your wife - what the hell does that say about you? Maybe you should start thinking about how you would feel if the boot was on the other foot and you were in danger of losing your wife to another man - start looking at her as your soul mate again, after all she has put up with you for 10 years - warts and all.
2007-09-23 20:14:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
What do you think your wife would do if she met a man along the same scenario lines? How would you feel if you knew that she was thinking about it? You say you have been married for 10 years almost...is it possible you missed your "7 year itch" and are going through it now? Maybe you need to let this girl go and determine whether you're unhappy with your marriage or yourself - because it sounds like you have a great wife. 2 weeks is NOT enough time to break what you have with your wife over a girl 10 years younger than you. If she's 10 years younger, she's probably not really looking for a long term relationship (considering she's giving you the impression she'd be willing to jeopardize it) - especially with an older, marriage man. She probably wants a fling. Are you willing to jeopardize everything you have built with your wife for that? Are you willing to hurt the woman who built your life with you; shared in all your memories? Get over it - you are fantasizing and you need to get your priorities straight...sooner the better.
2007-09-23 20:12:51 · answer #6 · answered by Shannon H 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Dear moodyGlen,
What you are experiencing is not unique. Just because we are married doesn't make us dead to the world or find another attractive and desirable. It happens probably to most people in all marriages. I'm sure they don't let the world know their emotional secrets. You didn't mention how you met this girl.? Your marriage sounds like it could use a lift. The other girl might find you fascinating because of your financial status. Most girls see that first and foremost in a man. Much of us tend to expect it from an older man. I seriously doubt that if she had to be with you and watch you start your life over from scratch, she would turn and run.
Just start to see your wife as you once did. There must have been something there that made you fall in love with her? Hopefully it is still there. You need to stop tormenting yourself over a girl that isn't and shouldn't ever be in your life. A good marriage is a rarity these days. Don't play a fool and throw it all away. I don't think you will be happier with a younger girl. Let her sow her wild oats with her own kind and with people her own age. Don't confuse her more than she probably is.
Stop calling and tell her that you are no longer interested in pursuing this relationship, because you decided you wanted to put all your efforts into your marriage, and mean it.
Good Luck,
Sincerely,
Marseille
2007-09-23 20:28:58 · answer #7 · answered by marseillelangres 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Leave her alone. Walk away and forget her! I did the same thing and almost left my wife for this woman 10 years younger. I left her and my wife and I are now happier than ever. Looking back that would have been the worst thing ever because come to find out I was not the only one she was seeing, she was seeing 2 other men. I know nothing of you, but I am willing to bet if you get your heart our of it and look at it with logic, no emotion, you will see this girl cannot hold a candle to your wife. I thought I was going to die when I left the other woman, now I realized I would have died had I stayed with her. It was some mind altering sex, lol, but like an old man said: the grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but it still has to be mowed!!!!
2007-09-24 02:40:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Two words: unrequited love: you feel for someone who evidently doesn't carry such feelings to that level, albeit she's everything you want and then some. Best to let her go. If you think you're "sick and depressed" now, imagine how stressed out you'll get trying to maintain an affair......it's not worth the loss---trust me.
Cold shower time, dude--doubts exist you'll score the touchdown w/ this hottie. But the experience does educate one about themselves.
It appears you're not happy in this 10 year marriage; if you were, you wouldn't be seeking this potential mistress.
Can the marriage be fixed? Should you see a counselor who can guide you to finding this out? Divorce is a pretty big step--just like marriage.
Clear the head, ask yourself the questions and seek out the answers---alone.......unless you want to tell the wife what's going on (something I don't think should happen right now).
2007-09-23 20:57:37 · answer #9 · answered by Mr. Wizard 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you have read other answers, then you should have a fairly good idea about the general opinion about your situation.I don't know what meaning you assign to a word like a soul mate,as till few weeks back you had some one else for a soul mate or an equivalent to it.What you are under going is a kind of an infatuation,which is the result of popularly known as a 7 or 9 year Itch,in married couples.Nothing strange and quite normal.So how does one go about in dealing with it?One way is emotional and likely to land you in difficult situation.The other is a hard core mature way in which you weigh the pros and cons and take a bold decision.ONLY you can decide and but must take responsibility.In your place,I for one would have stayed with my wife for obvious reasons of peace,stability and my commitment towards my family,her and others.One can always have fun and relief in side of a marriage.if required.
2007-09-23 20:39:43 · answer #10 · answered by brkshandilya 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋