I really want to make my relationship with my husband right. I cheated on him in the past before we were married, but he cheated on me while we were married. But like I'm a month pregnant of him and he doesn't belive me that it's his. He doesn't even want to listen to me about what I consider marriage. He just thinks it's the same as being bf/gf... to me it's much different. We went to therapy for a while but then he decided that his bands were more important and that therapy was pointless and everything he siaid in therapy was a lie. We don't live together and he goes on every day about how I cheated on him 3 years ago, he cheated on me not even a year ago and I never bring it up, only when he brings it just to try to counter him to make him stop. He never stops. And he makes no sence to me. He's happy then sad then happy. He hurts my feelings all the time. And I atoned for cheatiing on him.
2007-09-23 19:49:33 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
3 years ago I triedto leave him but he pleaded to me for me to be with him. But now I plead for him to be with me and it's like no when I pleaded it was okay but when you plea it's not okay.
Like I want to save our marriage and I don't what's his deal. He says I hurt him badly but it was 3 years ago. Why doesn't he get oveer it? I got over the fact that it was his fault that my cat died because he "doesn't like cats" but he has a cat. I got over that he cheated on me. I got over a lot things he's done to me. And normal humans get over things in a year but he must want to mess with me or something. SO badly I wish I was bigger than him so I could beat him intosubmission and force him toget over things.
2007-09-23 19:53:34 · update #1
I never brought the child into this and no I won't yell around it... so do't f-u-c-k-i-n-g tell me a child is innocent... I asked for advice, and don't piss meoff by oh the child think about the child. I'm asking to save my marriage
2007-09-23 19:59:38 · update #2
Stop bring the child into this. Once again I want to save my marriage
2007-09-23 20:06:35 · update #3
He has now decided to ignore me. I mean why can't he get over himself. He forced me so man times to stay with him. And now that I'm doing that to him it's like whatever. RIght now I can't stand him. All I'm good for is to do all his homework so he an be in a band... and never be greatful that I put up with him. He's a ******* animal who would want to be with that?
2007-09-23 20:21:44 · update #4
WTF???
2007-09-23 20:57:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
At first when I read this, I became tired and didn't want to answer, but I think I say to you... Grow up. Both of you. Use your common sense, this man is not hurt. He is just buying his freedom with an act. You mean to tell me, that you cheated when you was not married and it was years ago, and he just cheat and he is hurt bad. This is the only thing left to do. STOP beging and trying to talk to him, even if it hurts. Stop saying anything about the baby, When he ask you, what's up, you tell him that you are no longer beging him to come back to you and because he doesn't believe the baby is his, then child support will be handling the paternity test and you will suggest payment after he get proof that the baby is his. Tell him you are also going for alimony, because you have to live and you are tired of the nonsense that he is trying to pull. Stop listening to his memories of cheating on him. When he starts up, just tell him that you have no time to listen to that old , dead and stinky same old alibi for not being a real husband. Then say,'' oh by the way, tell your girlfriend I said hello''. You do know that this is some of his problem too. He is out there and he's doing who and what he want to do.
2007-09-24 03:36:41 · answer #2 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Question is: did he know you "cheated" on him while you two were dating???
Marriage is radically different than when you two were dating.
Pregnancy matter: DNA--does not assume. You know he's the baby's daddy---hey, spring for the test and prove it.
Stop the "I cheated/ he cheated" thing; it's pointless at this stage. You two are about to become parents--- you and he might want to focus on that real hard.
If hubby can't stop dredging up the past; maybe that's a red flag he's not taking the marriage thing seriously.
I suggest marriage counseling as a best option to work out and save the marriage---if it can be saved. As things stand, you both don't sound like a happy confident married couple.
2007-09-24 04:09:58 · answer #3 · answered by Mr. Wizard 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It takes two to make a marriage. Both of you must be willing to work at it. If he is happy and then sad, could he be bipolar? Counseling might help you both learn to communicate better. There is a good website called Marriagebuilders.com which has alot of great information. It has articles about affairs and how to rebuild your marriage, as well as alot of other info.
Are you currently separated? Hard to work on a marriage apart. It sounds like you both have hurt each other and need to work through those hurts and get past them for the marriage to work.
Good luck!
2007-09-24 03:25:41 · answer #4 · answered by Nicole 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know... maybe he's bi-polar. Some of the things you are saying about his thought processes and how he lies and how his moods make no sense to you make me wonder. Is he very paranoid or does he seem to get "stuck" on an idea and he can't let go of it? Does he interpret things wrong or add things up wrong in his head? Does he just seem to run off at the mouth? Does he accuse you of crazy things or think crazy things for whatseems like no reason? If the answer to any of these things is yes, you may want to suggest very tactfully that he go get tested by a psycho-analyst or a psychiatrist. If he is bi-polar and he gets on meds, he will not act like that anymore.
Good luck!
2007-09-24 03:56:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he is just making excuses not to be held responsible. I hate to tell you, but until he decides that he loves you, you are fighting a losing battle. He cheated after marriage. That is a lot worse than when you are bf/gf. He is running away from his responsibility. The only way you will be able to help yourself is to get a DNA test taken to prove that the child is his. That may not even help how he feels, but it will get you some child support to help you.
2007-09-24 03:05:54 · answer #6 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You both need to sit down and make a final decision on what is going to be. This back and forth stuff will drive you nuts. If he can't forgive you, then you need to get away and start a new life. If he loves you, he will stay...wipe the slate clean...and start over. Make an agreement to never bring up the past again. Good luck and God bless your family....
2007-09-24 03:00:55 · answer #7 · answered by Angel2007 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He sounds like such an asshole. you forgave his cheating, but he wouldn't forgive yours. He pleaded you to stay, you did, but when things were the other way around , then he didnt. and now that you are pregnant he is dumping you all of the sudden? at the wrost time possible. you dont need him and niether does the baby. just raise that baby by yourself and go after child support. and dont listen to the assholes talking **** about you bringing a baby into it. Your baby is a blessing and they are just aholes for even giving you crap about it. keep your head up. you can do this
2007-09-24 04:06:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
There needs to be some growing up between you two. Choose now whether you'll be the mature one, otherwise this is going to stay a vicious cycle -- no end in sight. Is that how you want to live out the rest of your life? Think of the little one growing inside you too.
Take care.
2007-09-24 03:01:34 · answer #9 · answered by ellen 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He definitely needs to grow up, you have both made mistakes but he needs to get over it and get on with it or just get out of it. You need to do the same or you will be stuck in a loveless marriage when baby comes along.
His constant tugging at your heart strings gets you everytime. Make firm decisions for your future and stick with it.
2007-09-24 04:44:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
OK NOW IT'S TIME TO TAKE CONTROL ,THIS HAS GONE ON TO LONG ,
STOP PLAYING HIS GAME , YOU CAN CONTROL THIS,
HE NEEDS AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT AND YOU CAN GIVE IT TO HIM.........
DON'T LOSE YOUR TEMPER ,THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS, WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR TEMPER YOU LOSE CONTROL.
STAY CALM ,AND STAY IN CONTROL......
REFUSE TO TALK ABOUT ,THE CHEATING,IT'S A LOSE,LOSE THING
STOP DOING HIS HOMEWORK!!
TELL HIM THAT THIS IS THE TIME FOR YOU TO FOCUS ON YOUR HEALTH AND MENTAL WELL BEING ..
EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL WILL NOT WORK , FOR EITHER ONE OF YOU
REMEMBER THAT YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM WANT YOU OR THE BABY.YOUR #1 NOW ,MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY,YOU CAN BE HAPPY WITH-OUT HIM ,AND MAKE A GOOD LIFE FOR YOURSELF...................
2007-09-24 10:30:10 · answer #11 · answered by shelly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋