I am a bit reserved but my husband is an extremely open and generous person. It makes him happy helping others. We are married for 18 years, have two lovely boys and love each other dearly. About 8 years ago his sister threw her alcoholic husband out of the house and we have always supported her emotionally or otherwise. I thought that I was fairly close to her but recently she did something which has shocked me. It was another sister's birthday and she bought a "sister" birthday card and made my husband sign it along with her and their other siblings (excluding my name). She bought another general card for all other friends and relatives and asked me to put my name in that one. Was I wrong in feeling upset about being separated from my hubby like this? Is she trying to put a wedge between me and hubby? If so, I would like to put a stop to it but I don't know how to go about it. Or am I making a mountain of a molehill? He visits her place everyday as his mum lives with her.
2007-09-23 19:41:55 · 16 answers · asked by susan 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In the past she has tried to break up my husband's brother's marriage and his wife is not on talking terms with her. I am the only other spouse living in the same place.
2007-09-23 19:58:09 · update #1
I would say that she wanted the one card to just be the siblings. It probably had nothing to do with you. Did the spouses of the other siblings sign the "sister" card? If that's the only incident where you were "left out" then I wouldn't worry about it.
2007-09-23 19:49:33 · answer #1 · answered by sara 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You can be entitled to feel a little irritated. In my and my and my wife's family, "in-law" really doesn't come into play. My wife's brother and I see each other as brothers. We just don't go for the labels. We have people who aren't related but so close to the family we call them our sister/brother. Some people just don't see it like that. I can't say that she is trying to put a wedge between you especially if this the only thing that she has done to you. I would just bring it up in general conversation. Don't attack her, just express your feelings in a mature way. Help her to understand your feelings in a way that it wouldn't sound childish or otherwise. After that, if there are more instances where it feels you are being pushed away/excluded. Talk to your husband 1st. Express your feelings to him, and maybe he can give you a more incite as what the sister is feeling because he sees her quite often. Maybe there is something very wrong in her life and she just may be taking it on people (inadvertently) remind her of the people(s) who hurt her in some way.
2007-09-24 00:19:10 · answer #2 · answered by computerbytes 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really don't think this is about a birthday card do you? I think that you are feeling left out in a lot of ways and I believe it starts with you and your husband. Are you being really honest with yourself about your marriage maybe there is some communication and closeness you feel is lacking. It's not the end of the world it may not even be serious but I do know it is not about a card it's about a deeper feeling of being excluded in some way and you need to figure it out and talk it over with your spouse.
2007-09-23 20:31:19 · answer #3 · answered by Wolfen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are entittled to feel what you feel. You are never wrong. I don't know about her putting a wedge between you and your hubby as you mention that up until now you guys had been reasonably close.
Perhaps it's got to do with the whole leaving her ex thing and wanting to be close with her family as such. Keep an eye out and see what happens. I mean if you and her were ok up till this then perhaps the best thing would be to talk to her and tell her how you feel? It may be that she wasn't being malicious at all and just thought it was nice. See how you go.
2007-09-23 19:50:53 · answer #4 · answered by kelstar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I use to be in a really similar situation like yours. My sister-in-law and my husband would talk away and share their hobbies together and sometimes, I just felt like I was being neglected. If it's your first year of marriage, trust me, it's going to hurt a lot since their relationship is affecting you. I mean, I completely understand how you're feeling. He's talking more with her than with you and that's completely unfair. He should put you first in everything the same way you would for him. I mean, you left your family to start a new life with him and he doesn't even give you the same thing. It's like he's still stuck with his family, like he hasn't completely let them go. My husband became really defensive after I told him I didn't want him talking to his sister too much because I told him it made me feel weird and neglected about the whole thing. He eventually stopped talking to his sister and well, it's already over a year now and I think we're doing a lot better. We used to argue a lot but I think it was because we were still trying to "live" with each other. I believe your husband is wrong and he needs to know that he needs to stop talking to his sister more than you. It's not fair and it's selfish of him. Let him know how you feel but gently and sincerely. Best of luck to you. =)
2016-04-05 22:36:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first card were there any other "in laws" that signed it? Or was the first card signed by biological siblings only?
If that is the case then yes you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.
Besides maybe she didn't realize the impact it would have been....but she did get a card for all other family members.
I would only let this bother you if other "in laws" were able to sign it....but if they were all siblings and no in laws then let it go...Im sure she meant nothing by it :)
2007-09-23 19:50:46 · answer #6 · answered by Tanya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it was a really odd thing for her to do, asking you to sign a different card. If it were me, I'd ask her what was in her mind. You'll have a better idea what is up her sleeve if you talk to her about it. She may just not have been thinking, or she may have known something she didn't want to say. Who knows? Or she may have had an idea that it was more special or something to just have siblings sign it.
You'll never know unless you talk to her about it.
Chances are, if this is the first time she's ever done anything like this, it was innocent.
If not, you'll soon tell, and know what to do in future. So, don't let it fester. Ask her what is up...
2007-09-23 19:50:59 · answer #7 · answered by Gorgeous 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just let it slide. A "sister" card, I can see someone just wanting the siblings to sign it. That she wedged herself into another brothers marriage doesnt mean she is doing that to you necessarily. BUT, if you do get the idea that she is trying to start trouble, the best thing to do would be to act like it doesnt bother you. The card thing though sounds harmless.
2007-09-24 05:15:57 · answer #8 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a card is the only problem, I would just ignore it. If you have been married for 18 years, why get jealous now. If it is more serious than just that, talk to your husband. It is his place to make sure that you are not excluded from family matters.
2007-09-23 19:50:16 · answer #9 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Technically, you are not a sister. You are a sister-in-law. It's okay for siblings to have a special bond. That bond does not compete with the marriage bond.
2007-09-23 19:55:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋